


Demon Heart

by LeaniSilver



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon!Dean, Destiel - Freeform, Multi, eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2013-04-18
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:11:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 52,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeaniSilver/pseuds/LeaniSilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Dean went to hell and came out a demon? How would that affect everyone in their quest to stop the apocalypse? How would it affect our favorite angel?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Dean is in hell

**Author's Note:**

> This goes AU after S.3, but there's still going to be some SPOILERS for at least S.4 and probably character spoilers for even later seasons.
> 
> Warnings: Torture, violence, death, the usual. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them or he plot, I'm just playing with the guys and girls for my own amusement, but since the writers decided to kill some of them they're probably happier with me anyway, can't say that for Dean though...

The first thirty years were a blur, sometimes it would seem he had been there forever, that this world of screams, blood and agony was the only one he'd ever known. Other times it would feel like it was only yesterday he held his dying brother in his arms, or heard his screams as he was dragged off to hell. It was always these sad moments with Sam he remembered, moments filled with pain, as if thoughts of happiness was something impossible. Yet he always remembers his brother's name, even in the brief moments when he doesn't remember his own, he clings to that name, to Sam.

Each day he dies all over again, is ripped to shreds only to be put back together again, there is a moment each day when he isn't hurting that much, when no one is tearing and cutting at him, when he's just hanging there, alone in the darkness. Sometimes it feels like just a second, barely a heartbeat between being so thorn up there's nothing left and everything starting all over again. Other times it feels like hours, but the pain never leaves, it's simply a different kind of pain, the pain of thoughts like _I'm going to be here for all eternity_ and _I'll never see him again, I'll never see anyone I ever loved ever again_ , all of it silent thoughts in the darkness, it almost makes him long for Alistair of Meg to come back, start the torture again, almost.

It's been almost a year when he hears her voice during one of those quiet moments, he has lost track of time, he does that, it's all a blur of endless pain, but Alistair keeps reminding him how long he's been down here, always counting the days. This day is number 342, exactly.  
"Dean", it says. "Dean, Dean!" It keeps repeating his name but it seems so far away that it takes a while for him to remember he should answer, when he does it's barely more than a sight.  
"I'm sorry Dean, I'm sorry you had to come here, I truly am, I'm sorry he's alone up there."

The voice is familiar he realizes.  
"Ruby?" Dean forces himself fully awake, as he focuses on the presence of the demon.  
"Yes, I've convinced them to let me go topside, I came to tell you I'll take care of him, thought you should know that."  
Dean tries do decide whatever to nod or throw some fitting insult at her, but before he comes to a conclusion she continues.  
"You mustn't break Dean, no matter how hard it seems you have to quit whining and keep it together, you can't do what he asks of you."

At that he glares at her, he might be damaged, but he would never be that broken, would never take Alistair's offer. A number of replies containing the words "bitch" and "monster" runs through his mind but he doesn't seem to get his brain and mouth to work together and form a sentence.  
"And you can't tell anyone I've told you this, ever." And with that she is gone and Dean can feel Alistair's presence getting closer to the room, and the torture continues.

He listens to his own broken screams when Alistair starts pulling his nails out, one by one. He twists and turns when his fingers are broken and his stomach cut open, and when he sees Meg, now Alistair's assistant, coming towards him with a bucket filled of some boiling liquid he starts to wonder if he'll really last for eternity. But when Alistair finally makes the offer he spits in his face and tell him to go to hell, before remembering why he doesn't usually say that, and he keeps doing that for the next twenty-nine years.

He hangs on to the thought that Sammy is alive because of this, that it's worth it, and when Alistair offers him to get off the rack if he starts torturing souls he focuses on the disappointment he knows would be in his baby brother's eyes. He tells the demon to piss off, again and again, every day, but it's getting harder, harder to ignore the pain and the anger flowing through him, harder to remember why he refuses.

The smile of triumph on Alistair's face when he finally says yes will haunt him for eternity, to know that he lost, that this monster who he hates above all others has beaten him. Yet he does what Alistair says, he starts cutting the souls up and he finds he likes it. It's like taking revenge for everything that has been done to him and he cannot help but think that if he goes on long enough it will somehow take away the pain. It never does, of course, but it eases it. When he cuts into the screaming souls, follow Alistair's instructions on how to do it, then he, for a short moment, forgets everything else, it's intoxicating.

Sometimes his years as Alistair's student, a position he shares with Meg, by the way, seems much longer than his time on the rack. Things happen, he talks to Meg, he learns new ways to make people scream, he hears rumors from the other demons (that's right, the other demons, he's one of them now, when he looks at himself he can see it, the blackness of his soul, the light almost completely gone).

Other times it seems like it's just yesterday Alistair carved him open; it would seem you can have nightmares even in hell.

It's been almost ten years when he starts hearing whispers about the siege, angels trying to fight their way into hell, he doesn't listen, doesn't care, just keeps torturing, keeps training the hellhounds and keeps losing himself in darkness. Until Meg tells him they have come for him, the angels are there to drag him out of hell.

"Just imagine what they will do to you once they have you. You're one of us now, Dean the demon." She smiles when she says it. Dean doesn't smile, he can definitely imagine what they will do to him, and for the first time in ten years he feels fear again. The hatred, anger and pain where always there, together with a foreign feeling (duty maybe?) that he associated with Sam, but he had forgotten what fear feels like, until now. He sits with Kira, the hellhound who killed him, when Meg shows up again, just sitting there with his bloodstained hand in the black fur and tries not to think about what it might feel like to be tortured by angels.

"I'm going topside, wanna come?"  
"What?" It's the only thing he can think of saying and Meg just smiles at him.  
"Yeah, Lilith has fixed an escape route, I'm supposed to help with the big plan upstairs, you want in?"  
Deans first thought is that Sam is up there, he realizes he has mixed feelings about this, he wants to see him, but something tells him it wouldn't be a good idea. His second thought is that it doesn't matter, he can't stay here, he's doomed if he does.

"Yes, I'm in, what's my part?"  
Meg gives him a calculation look and Dean can really see the resemblance to Azazel in that moment.  
"You need to keep Sam alive until the final seal breaks."  
Dean has heard about the seals of course, the looks on Lucifer's cage, but he never really thought they were real. It is however not in any way a hard command to follow, it's what his whole life has been about.  
"Keep Sammy safe?" he states. "That's my part?"

"Yes, you promise to do that, you get out of the pit." There's a pause and Dean sends her a questing look.  
"What's the catch?"  
"You're going as one of us Dean, I hope you get that, I'm not bringing you back to life, I'm just taking you up there. What do you say, deal?"  
Dean has long since came to terms with what he is, he doesn't even think of himself as human when he looks around at the dark torture chamber he lives in, there is only one possible answer.  
"Yeah."

The contract kiss is just that, all business, and Dean wonders how two beings who hates each other as much as they do can function together at all, he killed her father and brother after all.

Meg starts to walk towards the exit when Dean calls out to her.  
"I'll need my body, if I am to get close to Sam."  
"I'll see what I can do", she says on her way out, after two seconds she's back.  
"Oh, and Dean, bring Kira! You're such a rookie, you're gonna need her."

Not even an hour later he feels a tug at his entire being and he wakes up in a small dark place, the only sounds his own desperate breathing and Kira's rushed panting.  
"Good girl", he says and his voice sounds unnaturally harsh. "Let's go find Sammy."


	2. In which they are stalkers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Dean is looking for his brother, someone else keeps an eye on him.

Castiel has been fighting for a long time, it seems like a long time even through these thirty something years is nearly nothing, considering how long he has been alive. What makes it seem so long is not the fact that he's fighting, surrounded by death and his wounded brothers, it's not that he is in hell, which he cannot wait to get out of. It's the fact that there is a time limit, in a way they are already too late. First they had to get to Dean Winchester before he broke, before he got off the rack and broke the first seal.

Now they just have to get to him before he is lost to them forever, before his soul is so tainted that it can never be washed clean, so broken it can never be repaired. They're running out of time, Castiel is at the front line and he can feel how that soul they are trying to get to is swallowed, bit by bit, by darkness, can feel how the cracks of hatred is growing, turning the man into beast, the human into demon.

Perhaps if he could get there now he could use his grace to mend heaven's chosen warrior. Perhaps there would still be a chance, if he just could get to him, grip him tight and wash him in his grace, but it's all going too slow. There's too many demons, too few angels, and then suddenly it's too late, Dean has left hell, left as a demon.

The order for retreat is passed through the lines and finally Castiel can leave hell, but he does it with a heavy feeling he doesn't recognize somewhere in his chest. The other gives up and returns to heaven, waiting for new orders, waiting for Michel and Raphael to come up with a plan b. Castiel finds he cannot go back, he finds himself in a field with a single grave, unable to put into words why he is here. He watches, invisible of course, as a man with black eyes and equally black soul crawls his way out of the ground followed by a black hellhound.

Yet he can see that Dean is a new demon, there is still something green in his eyes if the lights hit them the right way, and he hopes it is not just his imagination when he glints a little grey spot in all the blackness of his soul. As he watches Dean brush the dirt from his monster dog he cannot help but wonder if this creature can be saved and for reasons he cannot even explain to himself he follows the demon as he makes his way from the field.

* * *

 

It doesn't take long for Dean to locate Sam, after he has found a gas station and stolen a map he starts heading for the nearest town. There he steals some money, buys a phone and is just about to call Sam's number when he hesitates, Sam will think… well, he will think he's a demon, or a shape shifter or something, calling him might not be the best approach, for the same reason he does not call Bobby. He simply makes a few calls to phone companies, uses some of Sam's aliases and soon he has the GPS coordinates for the most likely cellphone two states over.

He steals a car and ditches it as soon as he arrives, an hour later he has found the motel Sam is staying at, there is just one surprise, his brother is not alone, he's with a demon. It's Ruby he realizes after a while, she's wearing a young brunette and sticks to Sam's side most of the time and for the first time in years Dean remembers her promise about watching out for his younger brother and he wonders if he owes her a thank you.

He keeps his distance, waiting for a moment to reveal himself, building up the nerve. Sam and Ruby are tracking a group of demons, sitting in the impala and watching the abandoned house which seems to be their hold up place. After a while Ruby leaves.  
"I'll have to be there before midnight", she says as she steps out of the car. "And it's probably best if I'm not here when they show up, they might sense me. You'll be fine, right?"  
"Of course", Sam replies. "It's just three demons."

The sound of his brother's voice triggers something inside Dean, it makes something he likes to think is love and happiness spark in his chest for just a second, but he can't be sure, maybe it's just a trick of the mind.  
"I'll be back in an hour or so", Ruby says before she closes the door and walks away.

Sam puts his binoculars to his eyes, watching the house as closely as possible. Dean watches Sam from behind a nearby tree, doing his best to keep his presence hidden from other demons while he absently plays with Kira's ears, and even father away, from a rooftop, an angel is watching the demon and his dog.

This causes a chain reaction when six teenagers with a demonic presence shows up and walks towards the house. Sam, the only one who can't simply sense what they are, recognizes three of them as the demons he's been tracking. Dean starts to move after him when Sam gets out of the car and begins to make his way to the house, wondering what has gotten into his brother that makes him think he can take on six demons by himself. He curses Ruby under his breath, how could she call this taking care of him?

On the rooftop Castiel starts to move the second Dean does, curios to see how it all turns out.


	3. In which there are demons

Ruby is precisely on time, it's something that lingers from her time as a witch, certain rituals you have to perform at exactly the right minute or they will be useless, so when she got the message that she had to be here at midnight there was no doubt that she'd be there exactly at the strike of twelve. Eri knows this of course, knows Ruby too good for comfort really, which is why she arrives in the dark and empty parking lot barley a second after Ruby.

"What do you want, Eri?"  
"It's Meg now, you have to keep up with the changes Ruby", the other demon answers. She has found herself a young chick with short blonde hair to possess, much like the old one.  
"Just answer the question."  
"I want you on our team, come on Ruby, it will be fun, just like old times. What do you have to win fighting for heaven anyway?"  
"I'm fighting for the humans, the world. To let it stay as it is, we don't need Lucifer."

Meg chuckles at that, but there's no real amusement in her eyes.  
"Lilith will succeed, Lucifer will escape and then Ruby, you will die, neither of us want that."

Meg has taken a step closer, and Ruby can almost recognize her friend.  
"Join me Ruby, take this last chance to be on the winning side."  
"No, you should join me Meg, you are not your father, let his plan go, stop trying to be Azazel, be you. Do you remember what it's like?" She keeps moving towards the other woman as she speaks, tries to make contact with her friend in there.

When she's close enough to reach out and touch her Meg takes a step back.  
"I hope I won't have to kill you Ruby", are her last words before she disappears into the darkness.  
"Or I you", Ruby whispers into the silence of the empty parking lot before she hurries away to be by Sam's side.

* * *

 

Sam recognizes three of the demons the moment they show up, that there are three more doesn't really bother him. He has found himself strangely unaffected by danger since Dean died. First he had tried everything to get his brother back, when it hadn't worked and he had given up, Ruby had come. Then everything left in Sam was vengeance, he and Ruby started hunting down Lilith, and now he is strangely unconcerned with his safety.

He takes a rifle loaded with rock salt, makes sure Ruby's demon killing knife is still in his belt and starts to make his way towards the house. His plan is to sneak in through a window but of course they notice him, he has just been able to exorcise one of them when the rest is on him, all at ones.

He holds one at bay with his psychic powers, stabs one with the knife and slows another one down by shooting him, but then he is hopelessly outnumbered. He's pressed against a wall by joined demonic powers and finds that he's having a hard time fighting back, he has lost the knife somewhere along the way.

"So, Azazel's little experiment thinks he can take us all out by himself", one of the demons, apparently the leader, says. The girl she's possessing can barely be fifteen years old and looks very much out of place. Sam doesn't have time to think of a cocky response before she falls to the floor, stabbed in the back. And then his brother is there, Dean is there, fighting the three remaining demons on his own. It just takes a second of pure shock before Sam reacts on instinct, draws on his power and starts exorcising one of the demons with his psychic powers while Dean kills the other two, it's over in seconds, and only then does Sam remembers that the plan was to let one of them live.

"Hello Sam", his brother says, slightly insane eyes, blood dripping knife in one hand and the other moving restlessly back and forth as if patting an invisible dog, he really hopes that isn't the case.


	4. In which there is distrust and danger

Dean immediately stops stroking Kira's head when he sees how Sam is looking at him and slowly lowers the knife, while making a mental note of treat the hellhound as if she isn't there.  
"It's good to see you again", he said as he takes a careful step forward. "You okay?"  
"Yeah" Sam answers and takes an ever so small step backwards. Dean lets out a sight and holds out Ruby's knife to his younger brother before he knows what he's doing.  
"Easy Sammy, it's me", he says and he can see how Sam relaxes slightly, but he still snatches the knife as fast as he can and keeps his distance.

"Dean?" His voice is suspicious but hopeful all the same. Then he shakes his head.  
"My brother is in hell!" he says with the voice dripping of poison as he launches forward and presses Dean against the wall. Dean finds that he can fight this if he wants to, it takes a large amount of willpower not to use his newfound demonic powers to stop his brother, somehow he suspects that doing so would not make Sam inclined to listen.

"It's me Sam."  
"Then you won't mind me checking you're not a shape shifter or something", Sam says as he pulls a small silver knife from his left boot.  
"Go ahead"

He can see Sam's relived smile when the knife just leaves a thin line of blood and nothing else. Then his face hardens again.  
"There are plenty of things that are immune to silver."  
"Things that can do this? Or has a reason to? Come on, Sam. It's me. You can ask me anything." He makes eye contact with his brother and refuses to look away.  
"Wanna let me go now?"

Sam actually lets him go and pulls him into a hug and Dean is really surprised it went that easy, he had thought that the best he could hope for was Sam accepting that he was really him, despite the demon thing, now it seems he might actually be able to keep it a secret for a little while longer.

When they break apart he has figured it out, Sam wants him to be back so badly that he can't bring himself to doubt it.  
"Let's clean up this mess and head back to the motel", Dean says after a short pause, looking around at the dead bodies and the three teenagers that are still alive and just starting to move.  
"No, let's just head back, we'll take care of it later", Sam replies. Dean gave him a puzzled look before he understands.  
"Ruby has some magical way of burning bodies without the inconvenience of smoke, or what?"  
"Ruby? I'm working alone."

That hurts, he hasn't expected it to, but it does, his baby bro doesn't trust him. Then he realizes that he thought he was dead not ten minutes ago, reason to be suspicious.  
"I saw her earlier, she said she would be back."  
Sam shoots him a confused look.  
"How did you know that was Ruby? Wait… were you following me?"

"What other chick is going hunting with you? Besides, she promised she'd look after you while I was away. And I was just waiting for her to leave and I didn't want to show up in the middle of a hunt, until you messed it up that is…"

It seems to take hours before Sam nods.  
"Yeah, Ruby'll clean up here, let's go." And with that he starts helping the teenagers up, and out of the house, all the while asking if they have a place to go and stuff like that. Dean observes his brother with a shake of his head, the kids are perfectly fine, and he can't really understand why all of this is necessary. Taking care of the dead bodies is important, they're evidence that could put them in danger, talking to the kids is just begging for them to remember who they are, be able to point them out for the next police officer or demon that follows this trail.

Yet he knows he's supposed to care, at least Sam expects him to, so he drags one of the kids from the floor and says something like "it's okay, let's go". The guy's maybe seventeen and he cries like a baby and is close to fall over as soon as Dean lets him go. The tears and quiet whimpers trigger something inside of Dean, a need to hit the boy, hard, to make them stop, or perhaps to make them more and louder, he's not sure, but he's fairly certain it's not a good idea.  
"Shut up", he whispers in his most threatening voice as pushes the kid as gently as he can out the door, hopefully, Sam doesn't notice.

"So, you've been using that psychic stuff", Dean says when they get in the car, Sam automatically going for the driver seat and Dean decides to let it pass, just this once while he opens the backseat door quickly, pretending to check that his baby's all right to let Kira jump in.  
"Yeah, I'm using it to hunt down Lilith, no demon would make a deal with me to get you out so I figured she was the one I had to confront about it, which leads me to an interesting question, how did you get out?"

Dean hesitates for a moment and then settles for the most open lie.  
"I don't know, one minute I was down there and the next I was crawling out of my grave. I don't know who, but something must have pulled me out."  
"And you don't think it was me?"  
Dean silently cursed himself, of course that's what he would have thought if he hadn't known.  
"I figured if you had anything to do with it you wouldn't be two states away hunting demons."

Sam simply nods at that.  
"So, how was it?" he asks as he pulls into the motel parking lot.  
"Hell?"  
Another nod.  
"Bad", is all he says before he hurries out and sneaks Kira out of the car as Sam picks his backpack out of the back seat.

Finally in the motel room, which by the way reeks of Ruby and sulphur, Sam offers him a glass of whiskey and sits down on one of the beds. Dean takes the glass and wonders for a moment if he has to drink or eat anything at all now when he's not human anymore before he takes a deep swig of whiskey. It feels like he just swallowed acid, he drops the glass and ends up on his knees, coughing at the floor. Holy water in his drink he realizes just a second before Sam tells him just that.

"You really thought I wasn't gonna double check you?" his brother asks as Dean for the second time this night finds himself pressed against a wall. This time Sam is using his powers to hold him in place and Dean realizes he's not strong enough to fight back, even if he could stop coughing, and stop his throat from burning like it was on fire.  
"What are you?" Sam asks as he moves closer to Dean, knife in hand.

"It's… me", Dean feels kind of proud about being able to say anything at all with his massacred throat, and goes for the full explanation, unfortunately "demon" is the only word that comes out. He realizes he should probably have kept his mouth shut when Sam, with a rage he has rarely seen in his brother, lifts Ruby's knife and stabs Dean, just inches below the heart.


	5. In which lives are saved and threatened

Jo arrives shortly after midnight, after making sure no one sees her she starts moving towards the best window for a beak in, it's already opened and she realizes the house is too quiet, demons doesn't need to sleep, they should be partying (or drinking baby blood or whatever it is demons do in their spare time), unless they're not here, unless they have left town, or if they know she's coming.

After a second's hesitation she decides it doesn't change anything and lift's herself through the window as silent as possible. What she sees shocks her. Around the room the bodies of three teenagers are scattered over the floor, she looks them over and recognizes them as members of the demon group she's been tracking, a few seconds later she can conclude that none of them is alive anymore.

After setting up a devil's trap between the window and the front door she continues to look through the house but finds no signs of fighting and no more bodies, on her way up from the basement she hears someone moving upstairs, she sneaks to the door and sees a young woman with dark hair standing beside the bodies which she has apparently set on fire, indoors. At first Jo panics but the fire seems to do little harm to anything else and the woman seems to pay close attention to it while she's talking in the phone.

"Sam, call me already! I've fixed the total mess you left here, did you actually save anyone, at all?"  
_Sam? Sam Winchester?_  Jo assumes the woman is a hunter and how many Sam could there really be in this business? Anyway it's probably safe to come out of the basement, even if it is with her finger on the trigger, you never know with hunters.

As it turns out, she doesn't have time to worry about the hunter girl, because right then she realizes there's another person in the house, or more like another creature. A vampire, fangs bared, is standing pressed against the wall near the window, the woman, eyes on the fire, hasn't seen him.

At the same moment he launches for the hunter Jo fires a couple of bullets to slow him down and then runs against him as fast as she can while drawing her knife on the move. She weren't prepared for vampires so she doesn't have anything better at hand, it will just have to do she decides as she buries the relatively large hunting knife in his throat and grimaces at the task of cutting his head off with it.

She starts right away, afraid that he might get loose if she doesn't hurry, he's still moving a little but seems quite weakened by the slash over his throat, which is, by the way, pouring blood all over Jo's jacket.

"Let me do that", says the hunter from behind her. Jo turns around just in time to see the woman hurrying towards her and then suddenly be stopped by seemingly thin air. It takes Jo a second to realize it's the devil's trap.

"I saved a demon", she whispers to herself before she remembers the vampire and quickly finishes him off.  
"You better explain yourself, now, or you get a one way ticket downstairs", she says before she starts rambling in Latin, just to prove her point.

* * *

Castiel has followed Dean ever since he left the grave-site, watched when he stole money and a vehicle to get to his brother. Castiel doesn't judge, he is familiar with lesser evils to achieve a greater good, but in this case he is confused. Dean's need to be by his brother's side is fascinating, so is his normality, so far Dean hasn't hurt anyone for his own amusement, he's not behaving as your average demon.

When he fights the demons in the house Castiel can see the blackness of his soul radiating around him, pure evil fed by anger, but then, when he embraces his brother, the demon really seems to be happy, relived. And Castiel is fascinated, intrigued by this darkness that seems to shine. He can see no light in it, maybe a grey spot of reason, but no light, yet it seems to glow, it seems warm, a different kind of heat than the fires of hell, and it makes the angel follow to the motel.

He's reminded of what Dean is as the demon swallows the holy water and goes into a fit of coughing, sees how the younger brother, the human boy with the demon blood, he is also reminded, presses Dean against the wall with his powers. He watches the hellhound baring it's teeth and preparing to attack, she does so only seconds after Sam stabs his brother.

She tears Sam away from her master, leaving Dean a shaking mess on the floor with blood flowing fast from the knife wound while hound and human starts fighting each other. The demon is dying, Castiel realizes and he finds he's not happy about that, he'd much rather keep studying Dean, figure out what makes him different.

Then Dean seems to become aware of his brother and dog fighting, Sam trying to keep the hellhound at bay with his powers.  
"Kira, No!" The demon screams and the hellhound, Kira, stops immediately and places herself between Dean and Sam, still growling in the back of her throat.  
"Good girl, protect him", Dean whispers before going back to groaning in agony.

This little display is what courses Castiel to interfere after all. He can feel Deans life flowing away, Dean, who has been his objective all the time he spent trying to get into hell, Dean who was heavens chosen warrior, until he rose from hell not two days ago, Dean, the demon with a heart. That is what Castiel has been staring to think while watching him, and this convinces the angel, Dean is about to die and he still cares what happens to his brother.

He's at Dean's side gripping the demons shoulder before anyone can stop him, he has already begun the healing when Kira launches herself at him, sensing his presence even though he is still invisible to spare their eyes. He stops her with a thought, he just needs to hold her for a few seconds. As he starts to repair the demon and the body it's in Castiel uses the method he planned to use when Dean was still in hell, he uses his own grace to put the demon back together.

When Dean's life threatening injuries are healed Castiel doesn't stop the healing, this is the secret hope that's been building inside him since he left hell, that Dean somehow can be healed completely, that the damage done in hell can somehow be erased. If he could use his grace to clean Dean's soul from the blackness then this forsworn warrior of heaven could be saved, but he is forced to give up.

It's like dipping his grace in sticky, tick, black oil, and like oil and pure water, it doesn't mix. He might have considered going through with it if it had seemed to be helping, but too late Castiel has learned a lesson he won't soon forget; demons can never be made human again.

When Castiel pulls away he can feel an ever so small amount of his grace flowing inside Dean, distinctly separated from the blackness of the demon soul but still joined with it and impossible to get back, like pure water once mixed with oil. Castiel immediately decides that if he could he would take it all back, his wings curls in disgust and his grace is screaming to get away from this place, get to heaven, as if that would make him feel any less dirty, he knows he will feel soiled for the rest of his existence.

"I saved a demon", he whispers to himself and marvels at the absurdity of it, how could he have done this? The last thing he sees before he takes flight to return to heaven is Dean's shocked black eyes, and for a second, just a short moment he considers smiting this creature that has tainted him so, it is not until he is safely in heaven that he dares ask himself why he doesn't.


	6. In which there is a phone call

It takes a second for Ruby to register what is happening, but as soon as she does she curses herself; this is what happens when you get used to other people watching your back, you get careless, weak. As soon as the thought comes up she crushes it, like she always does, she is past that sort of thinking now, thinking like that is what got her into this never ending mess in the first place. She's not stronger on her own, she should have learned that by now.

The girl that just saved her from the bloodsucker is starting to chop and carve the vampire's head off with a knife no longer than the ones you cut meat with in the kitchen. Fascinated by the girl's wildness and bravery, and actually a bit grateful for the saving her life part, she moves to help the hunter girl, knowing that with her demon strength she can get the job done much faster.

She has just gotten halfway there when she's stopped, seemingly by nothing, it takes her a moment to realizes what it is, but when she does she looks up, and just as she thought; in the roof above her a devil's trap is painted.

The girl seems to realize what has stopped her the same time she does.  
"I saved a demon", she whispers with shock written all over her face before she gets back to reality and continues to chop off the vampire's head with violent blows, it's over in a few more seconds.

"You better explain yourself, now, or you're getting a one way ticket downstairs", says the girl before she starts reciting some exorcism. At first Ruby is still too taken aback about the whole situation, and especially by the young blonde woman in a blood soaked jacket who's pointing her knife at her while rambling words she probably doesn't even know what they mean in Latin. Then Ruby remembers that there's a reason for those words.

"Fine, let me explain myself then", she yells over the chanting. "What do you want to know?"  
"Who were you talking to on the phone?" is the immediate question.  
"My partner, I'm working with a hunter."  
"A demon working with a hunter? Or even more unlikely, a hunter working with a demon? I'm supposed to believe that?"  
"It's true."

"What's the hunter's name?"  
Ruby almost rolls her eyes at that.  
"As if I'm giving you the name of my partner..."  
"I heard you say Sam, Sam Winchester?"

Ruby doesn't answer at all this time, most hunters doesn't like Sam, he's even been hunted by them before. She's beginning to have a feeling she won't get out of this one, she'll be back in hell in a few minutes and this time there will be no way back up, there's nothing she can say that will make a hunter let a demon out, and she doesn't have any good tricks up her sleeve for this kind of situations. Then the miracle happens.

"I'm Jo Harvelle, a friend of Sam's, what are you doing with him?"  
Ruby breathes a sigh of relief, Sam doesn't talk a lot about himself or other hunters, but the name Jo is familiar, and the Harvelle's has been on the list of the Winchester's known associates for years.

"Call him, he should be answering now, or I'm getting worried."  
"I think I'll do that", Jo answers and pulls her phone from her jeans. As she presses the phone to her ear with her left hand, the right still pointing the knife to the demon, Ruby wishes she had a god to pray to, she might be in big trouble if Sam doesn't pick up.

* * *

 

Sam hears Dean call off whatever it is that's attacking him, a hellhound he decides when it places itself between Sam, and the demon and keeps growling loudly but stays invisible. He is surprised that the demon does anything for his safety now that it doesn't have anything to gain from it, it's dying. Sam suddenly regrets stabbing it, he's giving Ruby a chance isn't he?

There's a reason he lost it with this one however, impersonating Dean, pretending to be his brother, that's unforgivable, even if it did save his life, twice.

Then the hellhound starts barking, loudly, and Sam feels something, something almost alien over by the demon, it's over in a minute. The barking stops and shortly after that the presence is gone, leaving the demon on the floor, and for a second Sam can swear that the fake Dean is glowing, then that seems to fade too.

The demon starts to get up, and then Sam realizes he's healed, the only trace of the knife wound is the blood on his shirt.  
"You okay?" it asks and offers out a hand to help Sam up. It sounds so much like his brother that he automatically takes the hand.

"Just a few scratches", he says and looks around for the hellhound, but of course he can't see it.  
"Sorry about that, Kira's a little protective, she's the one who killed me, makes her bound to me or something, I don't really know how it works."  
Sam takes a step back and tightens his grip on the knife, remembering this is a demon he's talking to.  
"Killed you? What are you?"

"Yeah, Lilith was there, posing as Ruby by the way, she let all the hellhounds in, remember?"  
The smile and the sarcasms are just like Dean's.  
"It really is me Sammy, I'm just different, hell will do that to a person."

"So you went to hell and came out a demon?" Sam says and he nearly laughs at the absurdity of it, Dean, a demon… "You've been gone four months, I don't believe it."  
"It was more like forty years in hell, time's different there."  
"How can I know you're telling the truth?"  
"You can't, but Ruby should be able to know it's me, if you trust her…"

The last sentence has a bitter tone to it, and Sam finds that he actually is starting to believe this crazy story, the creature in front of him is so like Dean that it's difficult to find another explanation. With this realization comes a wave of emotions, he doesn't know if he should laugh or cry. Dean's a demon? At least he's not rotting in hell anymore, but he's a demon, what could his brother have gone through to be turned into this?

All kinds of thoughts start to race through his mind until he decides to shut them out, no need to think anything before he knows for sure. He has already been disappointed once this evening because he started to get his hopes up too soon.

"Yeah, I think I'll call her, don't move."  
He reaches for his cell just as it starts ringing. It's Jo, he hasn't talked to her in such a long time and is surprised to say the least, until he realizes the situation.

"I got a demon here who insists she's working with you."  
"You got Ruby?"  
"What's your name?" he hears Jo ask someone and then he catches Ruby's muffled response.  
"Yeah, I got Ruby, you better have a damn good explanation for this."  
"I have an explanation, but I'm not sure it's a very good one. Can you please let her go, Jo? I need her."

There's a long pause before she answers, and Sam can almost hear her thinking.  
"Where are you staying? I'll be there and if she behaves she might be there too, if not, she'll be in hell."

"Looks like your girlfriend's been kidnapped", Dean says as Sam hangs up.  
"You're one to talk; it's your girlfriend doing the kidnapping."  
"Jo's not my girlfriend."  
"Well Ruby's not mine either; I don't date demons, which brings us back to the demon issue. You turned all demonic down in the pit, how did you get up again?"  
"I told you Sam, I don't know, I just got pulled up."

Sam knows his brother's hiding something, he knows that look too good to be fooled, but he nods anyway.  
"What's up with your demon mojo? How could you heal that wound?"  
Dean absently draws a hand over what minutes ago was a bleeding wound.  
"I didn't, something else did, I was sure I was gonna die but then… it was like something put me back together again."  
He studies his hand very closely, as if he expects to see something strange with it.  
"It feels like something is flowing through me, something strange… And my shoulder hurts", he ads as if just now realizing that fact.

Dean quickly stripes of his shirt and rolls up his t-shirt to get a look at said shoulder. Sam gasps under his breath as he sees something like a brand on his brother's shoulder. It's a hand shaped burn, glowing angry red against Dean's pale skin.

"What the hell is that?" Sam asks, staring at the mark.  
"I have no idea, but it sure wasn't there when I woke up in my coffin."  
"Someone came here to heal you…"  
"Who the hell would wanna heal me?"

Somewhere, in an isolated corner of heaven, an angel asks himself the same thing.


	7. In which questions are asked

After fetching some iron chains in the car Jo carefully walks inside the devil's trap.  
"You better not try anything", she says as she fastens the chains around Ruby's wrists. "I'll shoot you if you as much as talks without permission."  
Ruby gives her an amused look but nods all the same.

"Okay, I suppose you can talk, but you're not doing anything else. Start walking", Jo says and points the salt filled rifle at the demon. She gets an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach when she carves away a piece of the devil's trap to let Ruby out.

Under normal circumstances she would never transfer a demon with this lame security, if Ruby tries something she will never be able to hold her, she will have trouble making it out of it alive.

Yet Ruby seems willing to cooperate, she walks slowly towards the car and waits patiently while Jo opens the passenger door.  
"Why are you working with Sam?" Jo asks when she starts driving, still with the rifle aimed at Ruby. The demon silently watches herl for a long moment before she decides to answer.

"Because he's fighting for something worth saving, I don't want hell on earth, I don't want Lilith or possibly even Lucifer to be free to do as they like. I happen to like the world as it is."  
"There could be fewer monsters." Jo mutters under her breath.  
"Really, you're a hunter, you like what you're doing, don't you? You like being important, like saving people, like feeling alive… It's what all hunters are like, depressed, angry, but they like what they're doing. In a world with no monsters, then what would you be Jo?"

She would be a regular girl, study, work, get married, have kids, grow old... Jo keeps quiet, tries not to show Ruby just how close to home she's hit. Truth is this is what Jo wants to do, if she had the possibility of changing everything, have a normal life, her father alive, she's not sure she would pick it, it makes her feel like a bad person, sometimes. This past year, hunting, it's been fun, it's what she's meant to do, she can't imagine doing anything else, so she keeps quiet and Ruby just smiles, like she knows what she's thinking.

* * *

Castiel stands alone in a far off corner in heaven, watching the earth, thinking. He can still feel the fragments of Dean's demon soul dripping from his wings, his right hand that he pressed into Dean's shoulder feels dirty, but when he looks there's nothing there, he is as shining white as ever. It can't be seen but he can feel it, he can feel a swift stream of blackness flowing through his grace, just as he can feel a part of his grace somewhere else, flowing through Dean.

Castiel finds he despises himself for what he's done, yet he knows he couldn't have done anything differently. Even now when he knows there's no way of saving Dean, that he's a demon as any other and that there's no way of changing that, he cannot help but think that he is different. There's something about him that makes Castiel wonder. He must stay away from this creature he realizes, it confuses him, he should just stay here, in heaven, a millennium or so, then maybe he would feel cleaner.

"It took a while to find you Castiel." It's Raphael's voice and when Castiel turns around he sees that Uriel is with him.  
"I've been thinking", he responds.

"Really, about what?"  
"Hell, and our failure down there." It's true, more or less, he finds he doesn't feel comfortable telling Raphael what he has done. It's not outspoken forbidden, healing a demon, if you don't need it for anything, is so unthinkable that there's no need for rules, but Castiel suspects it would still be seen as a crime.

"We have been given a new mission", Uriel says and breaks Castiel's line of thought. He realizes maybe this is what he needs, something to do, a heavenly mission.  
"What is it?"

"Sam Winchester, the boy that Azazel infected with demon blood, the boy that is destined to help the devil out of his cage and be the general of his armies. He is important to the demons and we need to know what he's up to."

"We should just kill him", Uriel mutters but Raphael just holds up a hand.  
"We'll consider that option  _if_  Sam would prove to be an annoyance. For now I just want you to watch him, and keep him on the right track, if we keep him on our side he could be an asset."

"I'll expect a report as soon as possible", Raphael says and that seems to be the end of the conversation.  
"Well, we should be going then", Uriel says.  
"You can go, I'll be there, soon." Uriel gives him a strange look at that but leaves all the same.

"Is something troubling you Castiel?" Raphael asks, the tone on his voice knowing and Castiel can't help but think his older brother suspects something. After a long pause he decides to ask the question that's been ringing in his mind since he left Dean.  
"Can darkness be beautiful, brother?"


	8. In which there is a nightmare

"I thought I told you not to break, you weak stupid son of a bitch", are Ruby's first words as she sees Dean. It makes him feel bad, not really guilty, but he thinks that it would have, had he been human. He doesn't answer.  
"So it's him?" Sam says when the silence starts to drag out.  
"Yes, it's him all right." Ruby spits out, twisting in the iron chains that holds her hands in place, Dean has no doubt that she could break them if she wanted to but for some reason she doesn't.

"I was gonna thank you for watching out for him, but maybe I'm just gonna kill you", he mutters with no real conviction, then he realizes why Ruby doesn't just gets out of the chains; Jo is still pointing a rifle at her, but she's not looking at Ruby, she's staring right at him.

"Dean", she says and she almost sounds angry. "I heard you died, must have got it wrong."  
"No you didn't, he was dead, now he's like me, can you get me out these now?" Ruby says and shakes the chains in Jo's direction.

The two women has some kind of staring contest that Dean doesn't really understands before Jo surprisingly gently unfastens the chains and lets them fall on the floor as Ruby starts rubbing her wrists that has taken on an angry red color.

"So you're a demon now?"  
"Yeah, it's better than just being dead I figured."  
"So you're working with two demons?" she asks Sam.  
"I seem to be… But they're really trying to help me, I think."

"You think?" Ruby sounds somewhat accusing.  
"Yes, but obviously you two don't tell me everything. What did you mean when you said you told him not to break?"

"Nothing", Dean hurries to say, not liking where the conversation is going.  
"You are going to be honest with me,  _Dean_ , or you will not like what's going to happen." Sam suddenly sounds dangerous and Dean wonders if he's the only one that has changed during the summer.

"I went to see him in hell, to tell him I had a plan to get topside, to get to you, then he told the demons of my plan, they set a trap for me, I nearly got caught." Dean watches Ruby closely, it is true that he doesn't wants Sam and Jo to know about the torture he's responsible for, but why would she be covering for him? He decides to ask her about it later.

"You saw him in hell and didn't tell me about it?"  
"She did the right thing Sam, it's nothing you would have liked to hear about", Dean blurts out, protecting Ruby, a favor for a favor after all.

There is some more talking after that and finally the two demons and Sam decides that they will stay in town for a couple of days, check out the demon nest more closely tomorrow.  
"We'll talk about that meeting I had with Meg later", Ruby says as she picks up her bag from the floor. "I think I'll get my own room, let you guys catch up."

Dean thinks Jo's gonna leave right then, but instead she goes with Ruby as the demon goes to rent another room.  
"I saved your life, everything bad you do is on me, so I'm sticking around to make sure you behave", she says as the demon gives her a questioning look and Dean is forced to face that the young innocent girl he knew has changed too.

"I guess we should go to sleep", Sam says as the girls leaves. Dean doesn't really feel tired but he just nods.  
"I'm glad you're back Dean, I really am, I'm glad you're not in hell anymore, you were rotting there for months and I couldn't stop it, so I'm glad, it's just… I've been looking for a way to get you back for so long I had more or less given up, and now you come back a demon. I really hope you're still you."

"It's okay Sammy", Dean says as he lies down on the bed and lets Kira curl up to lie over his feet. "I don't regret it, I would do it all over again; it's what I do for my little brother. I'm not the same, but it's still me, all me."

He's not entirely sure that he's telling the truth, Dean thinks as Sam's breath takes up a regular rhythm. These last hours he's been feeling something, something flowing through him. It doesn't feels like someone is following him, it's literally inside him, but it doesn't feels bad, it feels like warm light running through his blood, weird but comforting, soothing.

After an hour he starts to wonder if demons actually sleeps and makes a mental note to ask Ruby about it later. He lie still and thinks for a second, he is out, finally, he can barely believe it, after so many years under Alistair he is free, back with Sam, back to saving the world and fighting evil, fighting things like himself. And then there is this presence, he concentrates on it and it seems to be singing inside of him, slow and wordlessly, it makes him sleepy.

 _He carves a line over her right ribs, watches the blood flow down her body, it makes him want more, more blood, more tears._  
_"This isn't you Dean, you don't want to do this, what would Sam think if he saw you?"_  
_Her words are disturbing so he cuts her tongue out, he laughs as the blood runs over his fingers, laughs as her wordless screams turns to coughing when the blood starts running down her throat._

 _He feels alive as he starts to tear of her skin piece by piece, he seems to be on fire when her blood flows under his fingers and he can smell burning flesh. He lifts his knife to cut out her sad accusing eyes. This is life, this is what he is made for this is…_ wrong!

He wakes up feeling sick with the picture of Bela Talbot's eyeless face in his mind. She is the only one of all of his victims that he knows the name of, she was different. Even in hell this memory made him uncomfortable, not much, but enough for him to avoid thinking about it. It didn't made him uncomfortable when he cut her up, it never did, it always made him high, aroused almost, but afterwards this memory made him feel a little off, now it makes his stomach rumble.

He nearly trips over Kira on the way to the bathroom and she gives him an evil glare. As he meets his own black eyes in the bathroom mirror he realizes what causes the nausea. The warm light inside him is screaming, fighting against the twisted pleasure he still feels somewhere after the dream. After a while he calms down, and the light starts to sing in him again, it has a comforting effect, but Dean doesn't feel like going back to sleep, he's afraid there'll be more dreams.

Instead he opens Sam's computer and starts researching mystic healing, he needs to figure out what did this to him, what is following him around and flowing through him, and he needs to decide if it's a blessing or a curse, because he can't really figure out what he thinks of it.

* * *

Castiel arrives just as Dean wakes up, he can feel his grace that is part of the demon rebelling against the darkness in him, he wonders if it will tear him apart. Then something surprisingly happens, the turmoil stops and the oil that is the demon and the glistering water that is the angel stills inside Dean and stops tearing at each other. They simply share the space, side by side.

The angel notices that Uriel watches him with a strange look in his eyes and he realizes that he will have to get away from him, because he must talk to Dean, figure him out, soon.  
"We are supposed to find vessels, so that we may watch and interfere more directly", Uriel informs him. "Shall we meet up here in a few days?" Castiel just nods and then Uriel's gone.

He has a light feeling in his wings when he leaves, he knows he should stay away from the demon as much as he can, yet the only thing he can think about as he leaves to find a vessel is that this will make it so much easier to approach Dean.


	9. In which they have breakfast

Somewhere around ten the following morning Jo and Ruby knocks on the door, Sam's still sleeping, but he gets out of bed quickly enough and soon they are all ready for a strategic meeting, well, all except Jo anyway.  
"I'm not talking about anything until I've had breakfast, let's go out, there's a place just across the street."

"You and Sam go, Ruby, can I talk to you about this Demon stuff?" Ruby nods but Dean can see she's a little surprised.  
"Sure, we'll catch up to you guys later", she says and Dean notices that it's really meant as much to Jo as it is to Sam. That's unexpected, Dean has always had the feeling that Ruby's sole objective is his brother, nobody else is even worth talking to if it doesn't serve a purpose.

"So what do you want to know?" Ruby asks when Sam and Jo has left. She's sitting on one of the beds and reaches out to path Kira on the head, but the hellhound just ignores her and goes to sit by Dean's feet.  
"Well, pretty much everything, some demon facts I might have missed, and I practised some of the demon mojo while Sam slept, but I don't seem to have a very good hold of it."   
Really it is pathetic, when he had grown so tired of the research that he had actually tried the telekinesis thing that other demons does, he had barely managed to lift the pillow an inch above the bed.

"You don't sleep if you don't want to, not often anyway, same goes for food, you can't cross an intact line of solid iron, in your case probably even salt will be a problem, you'll grow out of it. Concerning your powers I would be surprised if you could move or set fire to anything yet, you're new, you'll grow stronger. "She's talking rapidly and with the tune of explaining things to a five year old. "Oh, and you're allergic to holy water."

It takes all Dean's self-control not to attack her, he has to remind himself that this bitch is the only one he can learn from, and besides he's had worse teachers, he put up with Alistair for a decade. Ruby's smile suddenly turns evil.  
"Now, what do you really want to know?" Dean swallows his rage and continues the intelligence gathering.

"Why didn't you tell Sam about Alistair and the torture deal?"  
"I need Sam alive, and motivated. You in hell got me that. You back, human, would get him alive and happy, I can live with that. I suppose I can have him as he is, alive and confused, that is. Now how would it be if he found out that his brother is not only a demon but also a torture master, I think that would stretch your relationship at this point. Sam devastated about your education in hell and feeling like he has truly lost you forever? Not on my Christmas list."

She paused for a second and when she continued it was with a softer voice.  
"And besides Dean, you're an okay guy, won't hurt to have you on our team."  
He nods at that, but then an awkward silence starts to fill the room.  
"Well, let's catch up to Sam and Jo then, shall we."

"So… How do you know Jo?" Ruby asks as they make their way out of the motel.  
"Why do you want to know?"  
"Just making conversation."

Dean considers not answering but figure he owes her for the demon info, and he might as well start pretending they're on the same side, even if he doesn't trust her.  
"Her father was a hunter, her mother runs a roadhouse, we came across it a couple of years back."  
"And…?"  
"And nothing, she came with us on a hunt once, cool chick", Dean says as he opens the door to the coffee shop, Ruby just follows him through the door without response.

"So what's the plan?" Jo asks when Dean and Ruby sits down with her and Sam.  
"Well, since these guys failed to take a hostage last night we simply have to find some other demons, we need to track down Lilith before she succeeds in breaking all the seals."  
"Speaking of other demons, how did it go with Meg?" Sam breaks in.

"Meg?" Dean and Jo ask at the same time. Jo in a curios tone and Dean sounding close to shocked.  
"Yes, it seems she's back from hell, she sent a message saying she wanted to meet me, so I went to see her."  
Ruby looks at Dean as she mentions Meg being back, and he can't shake the feeling that she guesses, or knows, more than she lets on. What if she knows about his deal with Meg? Would it change anything?

"So, what did she want?" he asks instead.  
"She wants me to join her's and Lilith's team, now with the apocalypse coming up and everything I guess they want all the good players."  
"What did you say?" Sam asks as his finishes whatever healthy juice he is drinking today.

"I told her there's place for one more player on our team."  
"Why didn't you just take her up on that offer, get some inside information, there's no way that bitch is going to join forces with us, she's a Lucifer loyalist", Dean says and thinks about all the times she mentioned him in hell.

"She wasn't always, she was a friend of mine once."  
"Friend?" Jo asks. "Demons have friends?"  
"Back when we were both still human", Ruby's tone clearly marks the end of this particular subject but Dean can see that everyone around the table is as curious as he is.

"Anyway, I wouldn't be selling it if I just agreed right away, I can come back and pretend to have thought about it. Let's just wait a few days."  
"Which leads us back to the question, what do we do now?" Sam says as he drops some cash on the table and starts heading for the exit.  
"I've been thinking guys, and we're not gonna find anything in the demon's nest, I searched the place quite good last night and it was nothing there", Jo says as they walk out on the street again.

They all think about this as they head back to the motel and Dean feels a little frustrated, he already has a case, the weird music and light that seems to be running through him, that makes the pain inside him somewhat lesser but wakes some other feelings, things he hasn't felt for years, and feelings hurts, they always do. Point is he doesn't have time for what comes next.  
"It's back to searching demonic omens until Ruby can get a hold of Meg again then", says Sam and Dean just sighs, he knew if.

* * *

 

Castiel has been talking to his vessel for days when he finally accepts, Jimmy Novak is the first vessel that he could find, but he's surprisingly good, fits all the requirements perfectly. It's strange to be wearing a human again, it has been millenniums since the last time. It's limiting, yet on earth it's the only way he's allowed to use his powers in contact with humans.

The presence of Jimmy's soul is somewhere in the back of his mind, he pushes it away until he's barely even aware of it. Time to find the Winchesters and deliver the word of God to the younger one, yet he prays that he will be there faster than Uriel, because he is far more interested in talking to the older one.

" _Can darkness be beautiful, brother?"_  
_There's surprise in Raphael's eyes that soon turns to sadness._  
_"The Morningstar was beautiful Castiel, the most beautiful of all the angels, and yet he fell to the deepest darkness… But even after he fell, covered in darkness, Lucifer was beautiful little brother, there's no denying that."_

_Castiel remembers it of course, he remembers when there used to be four arch angels, now he's standing here, watching the sunset with one of the remaining two. How could it come to this? He knows the answer of course, this is the work of the devil. Lucifer rebelled, that's when the destruction and fighting started._

" _Yes brother, darkness can be beautiful, but it is never the less evil. The thing you have to remember about it is that it's deceiving, it tells lies and courses chaos. It cannot love, not really, it doesn't understand goodness. It must be destroyed Castiel, never doubt that."_

Castiel has never doubted that before, he doesn't now, he knows there's only one way to handle Satan and his demons, there's just the fact that maybe this demon is different. He has felt the blackness of Dean's soul, and he hates the demon for that blackness, that darkness still sticking to his grace, but yet he finds the demon fascinating, yet he knows there's beauty to Dean's darkness, and he has to find out how that can be.

The angel takes a deep breath before he goes to find the demon with a heart.


	10. In which there is a pillow fight

As soon as Ruby hears about Dean's mysterious healing incident she insists on checking it up with various contacts, Jo, of course, insists on going with her. There is a long argument where Ruby says Jo will only slow her down and Jo says she's not letting a demon work on her own and that she might need backup. Jo wins and if Sam didn't knew better he'd think his demon friend has a soft spot for the girl, he has never been allowed to come with Ruby on any of her solo jobs. The girls checks out immediately and takes off in Jo's car to hunt down whatever healed Dean.

The next few days are spent on researching their other main objective; finding demons that can lead them to Lilith. Sam spends hours in front of the computer trying to find something useful, it goes slow, not only because he mixes it with research of mysterious miracle healing but because Dean is very poor help.

His demon brother is absorbed by practicing his demon mojo, he throws pillows around the room (often at Sam), sets fire to the digital clock by the bed, plays some kind of magic game with Kira and makes the toilet flush itself. Sam stands it for a while before he starts stopping the pillows and throwing them back at Dean with his psychic abilities. By the time Dean has to give up, Sam's been practicing this a lot longer, the room looks like a bomb went off.

This incident doesn't do much for the research but Sam finds himself less uncomfortable around his brother, Dean has changed, he knows that, so has he, but maybe it's not as bad as he first feared. He still knows how to have fun, or at least how to pretend to, Sam gets a feeling Dean is partly fooling around just to cheer him up and it's makes him smile as he goes back to the computer.

"You found anything on that Lilith bitch?"  
"Would go faster if I had some help", Sam replies but he doesn't put any real force behind the words.  
"Hey, I'm working", Dean says and waves with their dad's journal which he has apparently been reading in when he hasn't been terrorizing Sam.

"I don't think dad can help us find the closest demons today… try the yellow pages."  
"Cute Sammy, I'm looking into this healing thing, just helping your demon girlfriend to find something useful."  
"Ruby's not my girlfriend."  
"Whatever, I'm not finding anything anyway, could be a witch I guess, seems the only thing that can do something like that is some kind of spell."

"I haven't found anything very good either, I've googled supernatural healing in a bunch of different ways and except fake faith healers and wicca pages I just keep getting up one word, angels."  
"Angels?"  
"I told you I didn't have anything, it's not that I don't believe in angels, I do, it's just that…"  
"Why would angels heal a demon?" Dean says almost like he's talking to himself and Sam is surprised that his brother even seems to consider the possibility.

* * *

Dean grabs every chance there is to do more research on angels but the lore is somewhat divided and he can't find anything on how to get in contact with them , except praying, and that is simply out of the question. He tries to remember what other demons said about them while he was in hell but he can just remember that they were coming for him. As it turns out Sam finds signs of demonic activity before Dean finds anything useful on angels. Sam tries to call Ruby a couple of times before Dean dials Jo's number.

"Not a good time Dean", Jo says as she picks up after half a signal. He hurries to give her the coordinates.  
"That's where we're going", he pauses. "What's going on over there? Ruby's not answering our calls."  
"There was some complications and we lost her phone. Just kill him already!" she ads urgently to a third person, Ruby he assumes, a fact that is confirmed at the demon's response.  
"No, we'll have to talk to him first."  
"What? But the job was… Never mind, Dean, we'll be there, let me call you back."

Dean doesn't know whatever to be amused or worried when Jo hangs up, after a second he settles for amused, few things worry him nowadays, actually the only thing that worries him is Sam's and his own safety.  
"Seems like they've gotten themselves in some kind of trouble", he says, assuming Sam will be worried even if he's not, however this just earns him a smile.  
"They're tough, they'll be okay, let's just go hunt Lilith."

It feel's good to be behind the wheels of the Impala again, it's an eight hour drive and Dean loves every minute of it, he feels free, alive, it's perhaps the feeling he missed most while he was in hell, love, goodness, it was things he forgot what they felt like and he is only just now starting to have an idea, but freedom, that was something he always longed for.

When Ruby and Jo comes back the brothers have already checked in to a new motel, and the strategically meeting begins over dinner.  
"So what did you found on your little field trip?" Dean asks as they wait for a waitress.  
"A crazy witch and a very dead demon thinks it might be an angel", Jo says and orders a hamburger and a huge plate of French fries.

"Which is about what I have found", Sam responds and asks for a chicken salad.  
"Which means we have absolutely no idea what it is, there's no such thing as angels", Jo says and Ruby starts to shake her head.  
"I've told you, it's not impossible, I've never seen an angel, but as the talk goes, they might exist", Ruby says and then tells the waitress she won't have anything.

"I've never seen one either but while I was downstairs I heard the talk, angels invading hell. I think I heard Meg mentioned Lucifer being an angel once, and that's what the lore says too right? They definitely exists, what I can't understand is why one would heal me."

"What makes you so sure one did?"  
"Nothing, it's just… This might sound weird, but the feeling when it healed me, it's not hard to believe it might have been an angel…" He doesn't tell them about the glowing light inside him, no need for them to know before he knows what it is.

Dean notices the waitress staring at him with an impatient look and is suddenly reminded that he hasn't actually eaten anything since he got back from hell, that has to be corrected immediately. He orders a cheeseburger and the waitress leaves the table in a hurry, all signs suggesting she wants to get away from this weird company as soon as possible.

"We'll have to check out some kind of summoning ritual", Ruby says. "There's an old church somewhere here, if I remember correctly they have a library, we could check it out. Next question, what have you guys found?"

"There were demonic omens over the town, means some major player's here, right? There's some missing kids too, but we can't be sure it's connected." Sam explains and the girls nods along.  
"We have to assume it is", Jo says and takes her hamburger and French fries that the waitress just comes back with, She starts eating on the hamburger but passes the plate with all the fries to Ruby and Dean suddenly realizes she ordered it for the demon.

"We'll find out, one thing's for sure, there's definitely other demons in town, I can feel them", Ruby says as she absently chews on her free food.  
"Yeah, me too, it's like a smell or something…" Dean says as his cheeseburger and Sam's salad arrives.  
"Which means Sam and Jo has to check it out, they'll smell us if we get to close."  
"Great, they'll go check out the demons, we'll go check out the church", Dean says and takes a bite of his cheeseburger.

"Wow, this is spicy!"  
Ruby chuckles at that.  
"It's the salt, it's probably not much on it but you're a, what? Four days old demon, you're sensitive."  
"Very funny", Dean says before his eyes falls on the fries that Ruby snacks on, covered in salt, he takes a deep breath, picks one up and eats it. He's close to spitting it up but goes for the beer to wash it down instead.

"How can you eat this stuff?"  
"You get more resistant, it's just really spicy", Ruby says and takes another one.  
"That's why you never eat anything else?" Sam asks and Ruby nods, she smiles but Dean knows eating those amounts of salt has got to hurt her, and he takes a moment to wonder why she would eat them in that case, then again, he knows how pain makes you feel alive.

"Your plan won't work by the way, the one where you and me go to the church together, don't like you like that."  
"Get to the point Ruby", Sam says with a sight as Dean gives Ruby his most evil look and Jo laughs.  
"He won't be able to get in, holy ground, I can make it with a slight nausea, but he won't be able to take a step inside the walls. That renders you quite useless Dean", she says with teasing voice.

"No need for that Ruby", Jo says and Ruby immediately shuts up and returns to her food. Dean just reaches for his jacket, won't be able to eat the cheeseburger now anyway, his mouth still on fire since the salt. He has just started to leave the table when Ruby breaks the awkward silence.

"Dean"  
He considers ignoring her but stops anyway.  
"It normally takes hundreds of years to make a demon, you just took forty, you're a rare case, if not unique. I thought you might be different, turns out you seem to have all the common demon weaknesses, but there still might be some rules that doesn't apply to you."

Dean simply nods before he leaves the diner, he might be more different than anyone suspects, he has to find that freaking angel, he's sick of not knowing anything, he feels himself getting angrier by the second.

Said" freaking angel" follows him from a distance as he walks back to the motel and takes the impala for a ride out of town, waiting for the right moment to reveal himself, even though he knows he shouldn't.


	11. In which there is a meeting

Castiel can see that the demon is hurting, the blackness of his soul is radiating with pain, he drives too fast out of town, dangerously fast and the angel is almost tempted to show himself, stop the car, but he doesn't, cause Dean's a demon and in no real danger.

If anyone asked Castiel why he is here when he knows he should be with Sam, waiting for Uriel, working the mission, he wouldn't be able to answer. Maybe it's because of all the pain in Dean, the pain that he wants to stop, maybe he feels he owes the demon some answers. Yet he doesn't reveal himself, because he knows there is no way to stop the pain, and he doesn't have any answers.

Maybe it is simply the fascination he feels as he sees the pain turn to anger, all these emotions, so foreign, so strong. The angel watches Dean work himself into a rage, the demon's soul shines with anger and confusion, with misery and pain, but slowly hatred is taking over.

It takes a while for Castiel to understand that it is himself the demon hates, what he is, what he's done, yet he feels no regret, and he hates himself even more for that. It's a confusing line of though, what's even more confusing is that Castiel can follow it. It is possible to read the minds of humans to a certain extent, if you concentrate, but it's rarely more than feelings and demons are another matter entirely.

After a while he realizes that it's his grace inside Dean, the boiling sea of emotion that's taking over Dean allows it to read the demon in a way that otherwise would be impossible.

Dean doesn't crash of course, he's a good driver, and now he has demon reflexes. He's already in the woods outside of town when he pulls over, gets out, slams the car door and leaves the hellhound in there. He starts walking, soon he is deep in under the trees, there he sits down, then he stands and starts walking back and forth, he slams his fist into a tree, it doesn't really hurt him. Yet he is in so much pain.

Yes, Castiel can see that Dean is hurting, and suddenly he realizes that is what all demons do, they are what they are because of all the pain they've been through. It doesn't change what they are though, he has to remember that. Yet he wants to take away Dean's pain so badly.

"So you're some freaking angel, huh?" Dean says to the thin air, but surprisingly enough in Castiel's direction, as he continues walking around in the same spot. "You better come down here and explain just what the hell you're doing to me, why did you save me? Is it some kind of game you're playing? I'm sick and tired of people playing games with me!"

Dean almost screams the last part and Castiel feels something close to panic rising up inside him, if the demon keeps calling for an angel this way it could soon count as a prayer, any second Dean can say something that will move it from the "yelling at heaven category" to the "prayer" category. All it would take is a moment of weakness and a single "please", and if a demon prays, the whole host will be listening. They will all know what he has done.

Castiel finds himself sickened by the very thought of it, and besides, he cannot leave Dean like this, even if he wanted to, the demon's in so much pain.

"Be quiet" he hisses and appears before Dean, close enough to just reach out and silence him if needed. It is needed, he understands a second later when the demon curses loudly, takes a step back, lashes out with his powers (far too weak to affect Castiel of course) and reaches for the gun in his jeans, all in the same second.

Castiel simply puts a hand over Dean's mouth and presses him against a nearby tree, keeping him in place with his superior strength, he's unwilling to use his own power more than he has to in case Uriel is close and can feel it.

"I said be quiet!"  
He waits just a second before comprehension reaches Dean's eyes and then he quickly releases him, he just touched the demon's vessel and yet that oily feeling of his soul seems to stick on Castiel's hands.

It's his imagination he realizes, the part of him that's been asking what he's doing since he started following Dean, the part that doesn't understand what he's doing here at all, it gives him a slight nausea. The part that rebels at the sight of this dark soul that another part of him finds so fascinating, and suddenly Castiel thinks he can guess what it's like for Dean to hate himself, what it's like to know something is wrong, but do it anyway.

Yes, his hands feel dirty, but it doesn't stop him from accidentally brush against Dean as he lets the demon go. Castiel reaches out with his grace to see if any other angels are listening, but there's no one, no one even knows he's here.  
"You can talk now, low."  
"You're the angel", Dean says and it's more of a statement than a question, yet Castiel feels an answer is appropriate.  
"Yes"

There's a pause where Dean just stares at him in disbelief before Castiel realizes he really can answer one of Dean's questions.  
"I'm not playing with you."  
"What?" the demon says, seemingly completely obvious to what Castiel is trying to say.  
"You asked if this was a game to me, it's not."

"Then what is it?"  
Castiel has been trying to find the answer to that question for days, an experiment maybe? Refusal to accept his failure in hell? Truth is he doesn't know so he doesn't answer.

"Why would an angel want to heal me?" Dean insists and Castiel realizes he has to say something to that, and he just can't tell the demon that he once was god's chosen one, that he thought he could heal him completely, so he reaches for the easiest lie, he seems to be lying a lot these days. How did it ever come to this?

* * *

"My mission is to… take care of your brother, you seemed like an asset to accomplish that mission", is the angel's cold answer and Dean suddenly realizes it's what everyone's been telling him, his father made sure he understood his most important duty was to look after Sammy, all the demons has always said it's all about Sam, he is free now, instead of in hell because Meg wanted him to keep his brother alive. Figures the angel keeps him around for the same reason Ruby and everybody else does, he can't help but feel a little disappointed at that.

When he was human it used to bother him that his brother was special, because it made him inhuman, strange, destroyed Dean's perfectly clear black and white world.

Now he knows that it doesn't really matters, or perhaps he doesn't care in the same way. Now it just makes Sam stronger and possibly a little darker, but it doesn't matter because it's still Sam and he's important no matter what.

Human or demon it has never been a problem for Dean to be the one standing in the shadows, being unimportant behind his special baby brother, it has never been a problem that his only job is to watch out for Sammy. Still he feels a little disappointed as he watches his saving angel and he realizes that he has hoped that just this once someone would care about him just because of him, he should never have been that stupid.

He quickly presses down the disappointment and begins to study the angel more closely as he tries to decide what his next question would be. He seems to be shining through the skin of this human he's wearing, like demons do, only with light instead of darkness, that light reminds him of whatever it is flowing inside him and he makes a mental note to asks about it, but of course, Sam always comes first, still.

"Why would an angel want to take care of my brother? I figured he was just important to the demons."  
"He is very powerful and quite unique, if we're able to keep him from joining the forces of darkness he could be a considerable asset to heaven."

"So you just want to use him like everybody else? Shouldn't you be trying to drag his demon friends away from him instead of saving them, bad influence, you know?"  
"We do not want to use him, we simply want him to keep fighting Lilith and I imagine that Sam would be rather uncooperative if we decided "drag" his brother away from him."

Dean nods, at least temporarily satisfied with the answer, time for what he really wants to ask, what he has been longing to ask for days.

"When you healed me, what did you do?"  
The angel looks away at that, his eyes seems to look up, at the sky, the same way a human's would have looked at the ground, a sure sign of not wanting to answer, or planning on lying.

"What do you mean?"  
Or in this case, it seems; pretending not to understand.  
"It's like I have this creepy light crawling under my skin."

That's not really what it feels like, it feels like brightness and music flowing through his veins, but it's not like he's going to say that to the angel.

"I…I don't know, it's probably some kind of side effect from the healing, I've never actually used my powers on a demon like that before."  
Dean notices the hesitation but lets it pass, he can see how much stronger than him this creature is and he doesn't want to piss it off too much.

Suddenly the angel tips his head to the side and gets a concentrated expression as is listening for something.  
"I have to go, Dean", he says and seems to be ready to leave but then he freezes and looks like he's considering something.

"My decision to heal you was… my own solution to unexpected field conditions. I'm not sure that my superiors would see it as the right solution, they might even try to correct that little mistake. I would advise you not to speak with any other angels about this, in fact it may be wise to keep this entirely to yourself."

This is an unexpected turn of events, angel boy has done something wrong, he can use that, it takes Dean a second to realize he doesn't really want to, and besides, if the angels are going to kill him if they find out it's not really blackmail material.

Dean finds he can agree to that little request, it doesn't even concerns him to keep it from Sam, there's really no need for his brother to know, not until he has figured this out anyway. When he comes to think of it he realizes it doesn't really bothers him to keep secrets from his brother anymore, he can't feel that guilt he knows he's supposed to be feeling. It makes him feel something that he thinks could be sadness, but he quickly pushes it down again, it's not like he hasn't had worse secrets.

"Okay", he says finally, "I'll keep quiet, for a while."  
The angel nods.  
"Good bye Dean."

"Wait", Dean says and instinctively grabs the angel's arm, it makes the burn on his arm tingle just a little.  
"What's your name?"  
Intense blue eyes, powered up by the angels inner light, stares into his with some unreadable emotion for a few seconds before he finally decides to answer.

"Castiel", he says in a low voice that somehow reminds Dean of the music rushing through him, and then he's gone, leaving the demon alone in the dark woods.


	12. In which there is a flashback

Jo's sitting on the bed cleaning her gun and repacking her back pack for the third time tonight, she and Sam is supposed to track down the demons tomorrow. Dean is still missing, but no one is particularly worried yet, even though it would be good if he comes back before tomorrow, they might need the car.

She's alone, Sam has already gone to bed and Ruby has run off to break into the church's library, researching the angel thing, this is why Jo isn't sleeping yet, why she keeps packing and repacking and feeling restless.

It's not that she doesn't trust Ruby to come back, it's the fact that she does. It's disturbing, she has to remember that Ruby is a demon, evil to the core, yet she finds herself forgetting about it, time and time again.

She forgets that Ruby is different from Sam or any other not pure human person, she's a demon not some psychic. She's even different from Dean, because she knew him and she can tell he's still Dean, even if she feels sort of uncomfortable around him now, Ruby is just some random demon, and yet she keeps forgetting she's not human.

_The road trip was fun, Jo can't really remember when she last had so much fun hunting, but then again, she mostly hunts alone. It's better when you have someone to talk to, to plan everything with, even if this someone happens to be a demon._

_It started out awkwardly enough when they in Jo's car under silence started driving out of town, but when Ruby started talking, telling her about this witch she knew who was an expert on these sorts of things and probably could tell what it was the tension in the car seemed to ease a little._

_When Jo had driven for five hours Ruby told her to pull over._  
_"Let me drive for a while, we don't want you to crash into anything."_  
_"Like you would care…"_

 _"I would, and Sam would kill me."_  
_"What a good opportunity to kill me and make it look like an accident, don't you think."_  
_"If I wanted that I could simply make the car crash, demon, remember?"_

 _"How does a demon even know how to drive?" Jo asked with a sigh._  
_"I was around when these things were invented, of course I know how to drive, and this girl" ,she gestured at herself and Jo could only assume she meant the vessel, "was a really good driver, I can see her memories even if she's dead. Now let me drive, it's not that much longer and I know my way around here."_

_"If it's not much longer then I think I can manage it without crashing into anything", Jo said and couldn't hold back a smile when she saw Ruby's frustrated face, that was the first time she suddenly forgot she was talking to a demon._

_Ruby's witch turned out to be a guy in his thirties with a house full of creepy witch stuff, like bones and herbs and sigils painted in blood on all the walls. Of course he had to be into black magic, how could Ruby's contact be some nice witch with flowers and shining crystals?_

_As if that wasn't enough he had a two headed dog guarding the house, which before they got the situation under control had torn up Jo's favorite jeans and chewed Ruby's cell phone to a unrecognizable mess of metal._

_His name was Morgan (the witch, not the dog) and he agreed to help them if they killed a demon that had been causing trouble in the city, they agreed of course, they didn't have much of a choice._

_"I need something to eat", she said as they drove from Morgan's house. They stopped at a McDonald's and Jo ordered a menu._  
_"So this demon, I figured you draw a devil's trap somewhere and wait there while I search out the demon and take him to you. That way we can fight him on our conditions, away from other people, and I'll have you as back up in case something goes wrong", Ruby said as they found a table and Jo started eating on her hamburger._

 _"Sounds like a good way to talk to one of your demon pals alone."_  
_"You have to let me do my job, I can't force you to trust me, but we're not going to accomplice anything if you can't work with me."_

_Jo though about it for a second, Sam had been working with Ruby for god knows how long and at least he wasn't dead yet. What finally got her to let it go was the fact that if Ruby really wanted to, she could easily just run off._

_"Fine, where do we take him?"_  
_"I was thinking somewhere remote, empty warehouse or something, we don't want people calling the cops if it would get loud", Ruby said and started to snack on the French fries that so far had been lying untouched on Jo's side of the table._

 _"Hey, stop eating my food!"_  
_"You're not eating it."_  
_"Get your own!"_  
_"I don't need to eat…"_  
_"Then don't!"_  
_"It tastes good."_

 _She gave up as Ruby continued to eat absently, like she hadn't a care in the world, Jo wasn't really feeling like fast food anyway._  
_"Then we just stab him with the knife, or what?" She asked instead._  
_"Yeah, something like that."_

_That was the second time she forgot she was talking to a demon._

_The plan didn't really work out. Jo was hiding in the warehouse and Ruby and the other demon came in, things looked like they were going smoothly, they were talking about some demon stuff. Then Dean called, the phone signal disturbingly loud in the otherwise quite silent warehouse. The demon instantly understood that something was wrong and it turned into a fight._

_When they finally managed to get him into the devil's trap Ruby tortured him, it wasn't pretty, it was among the most horrible things Jo had ever seen, but it was necessary. It made her remember what Ruby was._

_The demon didn't know anything about Lilith. It knew that no one was allowed to harm Sam Winchester, hardly news, and it had just one word about mysterious healing; angels._

_Morgan said the same thing when they went to visit him._  
_"I've been researching, and there's a number of spells that could pull that off, but they would all require some kind of ritual, and that takes time, as you're aware I suppose, that kind of instant healing there's only one kind of creature that can pull off. Looks like you're dealing with an angel, if you don't have a really powerful magical artefact or something."_

_They slept in the car, Jo used to do that now and then, not wanting to waste money on a motel room if she didn't really need to. Well, Jo slept, Ruby just sat there, absently eating at French fries or something. She woke Jo up with the signal horn the morning after talking to Morgan, way too early._

_"You good to go? We should get back to the guys as soon as possible. They might get in trouble otherwise, trying things without us."_  
_"Yeah, we can't have that", Jo said and yawned. "I'm just gonna eat something."_

 _"There's a sandwich in that bag on the floor. Eat it, I'll drive."_  
_Jo was about to protest but then she just picked up the sack which contained the promised sandwich as well as an apple and an energy drink._

_"Then why the hell did you wake me?" she asked and relaxed in the seat as Ruby started driving._

_That was the third time she forgot she was talking to a demon._

That's not the reason she's sitting here alone in the quiet motel room unable to sleep. The reason is that she's starting to trust Ruby. Guess that's what happens when you hunt together, fights two headed guard dogs together and argue about plans and fast food together, that trust just starts to slip through your defences. You start to enjoy the time you spend with the other person, you start to see them as friends.

The reason she's sitting here, cleaning her gun and repacking her bag time and time again is that as she sits here and thinks of Ruby, and a little of Dean, she realizes something very disturbing. It's the first time she's forgot that demons are bad.

* * *

When Sam wakes up the following morning Dean is back from wherever he was last night, Sam doesn't ask, probably some bar. There's an awkward good bye before he leaves to find Jo.  
"Yeah, I'll just sit here and do some research while you guys go hunt demons."  
"Hey, Dean, it's just precaution, you'll be useful later on, we just don't want you running around looking for them, you can come with us when we do the whole kill and capture thing."  
"Whatever..."

He and Jo ask around about the missing kids and can relatively fast locate the demons, they're hiding out in a house, the whole family is possessed. After some surveillance combined with the research they guess there are about seven demons. Hopefully they're right this time.

Jo seems tired, she's not talking much and plays with her knife as soon as she has a minute to spare, she's definitely thinking about something.  
"Do you trust Ruby?" she asks after another long silence.  
"I don't know", he sighs "she's saved my life so many times. She has had so many opportunities to betray me, and she hasn't. I feel I owe her a chance, but still… I have to remember what she is…"  
Jo just nods and continues to play with the knife, another long silence begins.

When they get back in the afternoon Ruby's returned from the church and she and Dean are sitting in the motel room in an awkward silence. They both look kind of relieved when Sam and Jo enter the room.

Ruby just nods as they tell the two demons what they have found out.  
"Then we'll attack tonight, question the leader and kill or exorcise the rest."  
"Sounds like a plan, what have you found out?" Sam asks, and directs the question at both Ruby and Dean, just to avoid making his brother feel left out.

"As I was just telling Dean", Ruby says and glares at said demon, "we'll have to put the angel thing on a hold. I found a couple of rituals but all of them are useless if we don't have a name. I guess we could just look up some likely healing angel in the lore and try to summon it."

"So why do we have to call it off?" Sam asks, a bit confused.  
"Because your brother won't have it." He understands the tension in the room now, two demons getting in an argument can't possible have been pretty.

"Why not?" he asks Dean because he really can't understand.  
"If we're going to summon an angel it has to be that angel, not just anyone. Just because one of them seems helpful doesn't mean they all are, remember that we have two demons on the team."

"That's just ridiculous", Ruby says and Sam can feel the argument starting up again. "We have to do something eventually, or we won't find out anything."  
"We won't do anything until I say so!"  
"Who put you in charge?"

"Take it easy guys, let's just wait with it until we have these demons and you have talked to Meg. Let's just make plans for tonight, that's what we're supposed to do right?" The two demons keep glaring at each other but at least they shut up. Then the light's suddenly flickering and it sounds like a storm is staring to blow outside the window. For a second Sam thinks it's a spirit or something, just their luck, but then the motel room door flies open and two men walk in.

One of them is a black guy in a suit and the other one has dark hair and wears a trench coat, they march in like they own the place and Sam's first thought are that they have to be demons.

He reacts instantly, tries to stop them with his psychic powers, there's no reaction and he wonders if he's getting weaker. Jo and Ruby attacks the second he does, Jo draws her gun and starts firing, the two uninvited guests doesn't even seem to notice, but when Ruby stabs one of them with her knife and then kicks the other one with her demon strength they actually care to throw her into the wall, she doesn't get up.

It takes a while for Sam to realize that Dean isn't reacting, his brother seems to be holding back Kira, the hellhound growling deep in her throat, while he watches the two men with suspicion. Sam can't help but think that maybe he knows these guys.

"Sam Winchester" the guy in the trench coat says, he has a low voice and blue eyes that seem to burn holes into his very soul, and the room freezes in perfect silence. Dean standing with a hand on Kira's head (at least he thinks it's her head), Jo's still aiming the gun at the two men but not moving a muscle. Ruby stops trying to get up from the floor and just sits there, knife loosely in her hand as the man, or whatever he is takes another step in Sam's direction.

"We need to talk."


	13. In which there are lies

"We need to talk."

"Ruby, are you okay?" Jo is the first one to say anything in the silence that has spread around the room. She's still aiming her gun at the invaders but her eyes flickers to the demon for just a second and said demon feels a strange kind of happiness at the hunter's concern.

Ruby just nods to answer her question, everything hurts, badly, but right now she's more interested in what the angels have to save. Yes, they have to be angels, she can see how they're shining through the people they're possessing, it's like nothing she's ever seen, glowing white light.

"So talk", Sam says and Ruby breathes a sigh of relief, maybe they can avoid more fighting at the moment.  
"Perhaps you should greet us with more respect", says the dark skinned angel with a dangerous voice.  _Or maybe not_ , Ruby thinks as she slowly begins to struggle to her feet, maybe angels have a little more pride and vanity than she's anticipated, and this can only be solved by fighting.

The moment is over quickly however because the other angel doesn't seem offended by Sam's somewhat rude approach, he sends his companion a warning glare before focusing his attention on Sam again.

"Why? I don't even know who you are, a little disrespectful to just march in here without an introduction don't you think?"  
Ruby can see Sam's eyes flickering around the room, he's stalling, trying to find an opportunity, looking for an opening, something to fight with.

"They're angels, Sam." It's meant to be a warning, to make him realize what he's up against, keep him from doing anything stupid. What it really sounds like is something of a plea, filled with fear.  _Please don't piss them off._

"You will keep out of this conversation, demon, or there will be consequences", it's the dark one in the suit again, and this time there's no warning glare from the other angel. Ruby presses herself against the wall and considers just leaving, but she knows she has to be here for this.

"You're angels?" Sam asks in disbelief and Ruby is a little surprised he can't feel it, all that demonic power inside of him and still he's so human.  
"Yes", the one in the trench coat says after a short pause. "I am Castiel, this is Uriel, we have a message for you." His eyes flickers around the room as he talks, and Ruby can't help but think that they linger on Dean a second too long, she hopes there's not going to be any demon killing.

"For me?" More disbelief and Sam seems to relax, Ruby's not really comfortable with that, he must realize that angels can't possibly be on his side, he is hell's chosen, working with two demons, they should be running by now.

"You've been tracking a group of demons. They have six kidnapped children with them, it's of great importance that these children are not killed within the closest two hours."

"We kind of thought it was important that they weren't killed at all", Jo spits out and Ruby can't help but smile at her attitude.  
"We are going there, we'll attack as soon as it's dark, we were just about to get a plan together", Sam says before Uriel has the time to say anything about Jo's comment.

"You don't have the time, these children will be sacrificed in a ritual before sunset, and you can't let this ritual take place, it's one of the sixty-six seals", Castiel says in his serious deep voice. Ruby groans, she's known of course, known it was Lilith's and Meg's plans all along, but she doesn't want Sam to know, if he'd known, then he wouldn't be hunting Lilith, then he'd try to save the seals, and she needs Lilith dead, that's the most important part.

"Sixty-six seals?" Sam says with confusion. Castiel looks like he's about to explain but then he changes his mind.  
"We don't have time for this, by sundown six children will be dead, I suggest you hurry", he says, and with that the angels are gone, and two demons and two hunters are left in a silent room.

"We have to go", Jo eventually says and they all realize she's right, no matter how many questions they all have they have to go if there's even a chance the angels are right.  
"Get your gear, everybody in the car in five minutes", Sam says and Ruby and Jo hurries to their room to get their stuff, they're in the Impala just two minutes later, wasting no time.

"What's the sixty-six seals?" Sam asks as Dean starts the car. Ruby considers the best way to answer, it's game over after all, he will find out sooner or later now that he's heard about them. She doesn't get to answer though.

"It's the locks on the devil's cage", Dean says with a neutral voice and Ruby realizes it's the first thing he's said since the angels crashed the party.

"What?"  
"Lucifer is supposedly rotting in a cage somewhere, the story goes Michael the archangel locked him in there when he rebelled. The seals are said to be the one way to set him free, break the seals and the cage opens", Ruby says and Dean nods.  
"Meg and… she used to talk about it all the time."

Ruby notices the pause, knows he was about to mention Alistair but doesn't bring anyone's attention to it.  
"We forgot to ask them about the healing", Sam says after they all have thought about this little revelation that Satan is about to get out in the world.

"I don't think we should", Dean snaps and Ruby feels the disagreement from earlier fill her up with frustration. "We still don't know much at all about angels, we don't know which one healed me and more importantly, what do they want with you?"

They all consider this question for a minute. Ruby can't think of any reason the angels would want anything to do with Sam, they should want him dead, but then again, he is a good guy, maybe that actually counts for something. Then Ruby notices how Dean isn't thinking, he's watching the others, his eyes flickering from the road to Sam to the rear-view mirror to look at her and Jo in the back seat and then back to the road, what she can't figure out is what he's looking for, a reaction? Someone coming to a conclusion? Someone looking at him?

"I think we should ask them, now we have names, we can summon them", she says it mostly to see his reaction, and it's instant. He really is uncomfortable with it.  
"It's not important."

"Not important? I personally would love to talk to the angel who healed my demon brother, imagine to have one of them on our team." Sam's voice almost trembles with excitement.  
"Precisely", Dean responds, "they seem pretty powerful, I don't think it's the best idea to just summon them to ask nosey questions, they might get pissed off."

Ruby would have bought that as an excuse for Dean's unwillingness to approach these celestial beings, she really would have, if he is afraid that would explain why he's been unable to come up with a good reason. She would have bought it, but this also sounds like an excuse, it doesn't sound sincere, and Ruby doesn't believe it, she can't believe that Dean would be afraid of the angels.

He's hiding something, but then again, she already knew that. As she looks around the car she realizes they're all hiding something, and maybe, just maybe, she doesn't know as much as she'd like to.

* * *

Castiel watches as the car comes to a stop outside the demons temporary house, he watches Dean whisper something to the hellhound as he prepares to go in and wishes he could follow him inside. He can't of course, their orders are to let Sam take on challenges, watch his choices, see how he operates.

He thinks he might have gone in anyway, not to interfere, only to watch, so that he would be able to help if they got into real trouble… yes, he might have, if he had been able to. The house is covered in wards, invisible to the human eye, powerful wards, the kind that keep angels out.

"He seems different", Uriel says and Castiel is ripped from his thoughts.  
"Who?" he asks even though he knows perfectly well who Uriel is talking about and his vessel suddenly seems cold.

"Dean, I've seen many demons but he is… strange somehow. He feels different, do you suppose it's because he once was such a special human?"  
"Yes, I suppose that might be it."  
"Should we tell anyone?"  
"He's still a demon, and a weak one at that, I don't think anyone cares."

He can see Uriels doubtful look from the corner of his eye.  
"I'll take care of it, I'll tell Zackariah", he says to calm his friend down.  
He hopes that will keep Uriel from telling anyone himself, but he knows he can't rely on that and it start to be painfully clear what a dangerous game he's playing, all because of this demon.

He can see his grace flowing inside of Dean, a thin net of light surround the demon's soul, this must be what Uriel feels, but doesn't recognize. He has no doubts that if one of his superiors cared to examine Dean closely they would see what it was. It is a dangerous game indeed but he is unable to stop playing now, even had he wanted to.

"This will be interesting", Uriel says after a brief silence as Dean and the others breaks into the house from different entrances. Castiel just nods and tries to ignore the worry that starts to spread through him.

Yes, had he been able to he would definitely be following Dean inside. He wants to be there for this meeting, not because it will be interesting but because he feels like he could stop something really bad from happening. He wants to be there when Dean meets Alistair again.


	14. In which there is blood

Dean has a problem, it has nothing to do with that they're about to go into a demon nest without any real plan, it doesn't even has to do with the fact that he has to let Sam go into another entrance and therefor won't be able to protect him (he feels a bit uncomfortable about that, it's like something's scratching on his insides) no, the real problem is Castiel.

He can't understand why he's going through such trouble keeping what he knows about the angel from the others, maybe this singing light inside him is affecting him? Making him think weird stuff?

Then he hears Jo's whistle, the signal. He starts moving for the house, Kira close behind him, and pushes the blue eyed angel to the back of his mind. He's not telling Ruby because he doesn't trust her, he decides, and he can't tell Sam because he'd tell Ruby, and Jo… Jo would probably also tell Ruby, she's practically as close to her as Sam is, hell, they're sharing a room.

This is a logic line of thought, right? The mysterious light isn't affecting him at all. He starts tampering with the basement window that he's supposed to go through, he has just gotten it open when he hears someone curse loudly. Sam.

It makes his blood freeze, his whole body tenses in a weird way and before he knows what he's doing his moving to the back door which was where Sam was supposed to go in. He realizes he can't stop even if wanted to, literally can't.

He knows it would probably be better to stick to the plan and go in through the basement, the element of surprise and all that. He knows that he should at least check what he's fighting before he rushes in, he knows all this and yet he just runs straight there, because it's the fastest way to Sammy, and Sammy has to be protected, no matter what.

It's the deal he realizes, the demon deal he made with Meg, the one were his end was to keep Sam alive until the final seal breaks. It makes him just run there, he would have come to help Sam anyway, of course, he thinks so at least, but this is absurd. There's no fighting it, and it's not even sure Sam is in any real danger. He suddenly realizes he felt this way before, when Sam was fighting the demons a few days back. He just never understood it was something more than just care for his little brother.

Then the fighting starts and he forgets whatever brought him here, he's here to kill. Sam is holding two demons off with that psychic stuff of his, but apparently they're stronger than he thought because they're moving in on him. Dean rushes forward, kicks one of them down and tries to slash the other one's throat.

He has totally forgotten that he doesn't have the demon killing knife, (they gave that one to Jo, since she's the only one who doesn't have any weird powers) but it doesn't really matters, what's important is that he gets to fight them. He loses himself in kicks and knifes, almost happy that he's lost his gun somewhere, cause this is better, this is primal, this is feeling alive, this is… and then there's blood, blood running over his hands, and he laughs.

Then he realizes there's just one demon left and it's coughing blood on the floor, Sam has exorcised the other one. That gets Dean back to himself and he just holds the demon down while Sam sends it back to hell as well. The host is dead of course, he killed her, without that demonic presence she seems so harmless, she's all soft dark skin and curly black hair and he catches himself wondering what her name was. That shining light inside him makes him feel sick, it twists and screams so he lets her go and stands up, still job to do.

He presses down the turmoil going on under his skin but then his eyes meets Sam's and that crawling feeling is back. Sam doesn't look freaked, he looks disgusted and Dean finds he has nothing to say to that so he doesn't.

"Let's go, the girls might need our help and I left the basement unguarded."  
Sam looks at him for a long moment before he nods and Dean is relieved to see that disgusted look at least sink back a little if not disappear.  
"Why?"  
"Because you seemed to need some help, you've been getting rusty without me."  
He smiles and tries to make it into a joke, but it must look as fake as it feels. Sam doesn't answer and they doesn't have time for anything else before there's suddenly new demons in the room, quickly followed by Jo.

There's more fighting but he keeps it together this time, tries to keep them at bay with his demon powers while Jo kills one off and Sam starts to exorcise another. When his powers proves too weak he resolves to kicks and punches, keeping them from hurting anyone but not killing the humans they possess. Kira helps him, tearing at their clothing and pressing them to the floor, they seem afraid of her.

It's over rather quickly and the trio (and the hellhound) takes a few deep breaths before Jo gets a worried look on her face.  
"Where's Ruby?"

There's no time to answer that because right then the silence is broken by a blood chilling scream.  
"Ruby!" Sam shouts and he and Jo starts running in the direction of the sound, into the next room and up the stairs. Dean follows of course, because wherever Sam goes he goes too, at least as long as they are in a house full of demons. Kira is close behind him because it seems wherever Dean goes she goes, he wonders what  _her_ motive is.

When they enter the big room Dean freezes. There are six human children in the room, standing in a circle, holding hands, they look terrified, they must be around 10 years old. Dean registers all this, but he doesn't really see it. There are three demons in the room, Ruby, who lies on the floor coughing blood, another one who concentrates on the children, probably stopping them from moving, Dean knows this too, but all he really sees is Alistair.

He's standing over Ruby with a wicked smile on his lips, he's wearing a 40-something guy in a suit, but Dean barely registers the vessel, all he sees is that familiar blackness of that demon soul, that wicked darkness that he knows so well, and it fills him with hatred.

He lashes out with his demon powers before he's able to think about it, he runs forward too, the only goal in his mind to hurt this monster. Alistair laughs at his demon mojo but still has to defend himself from Dean's punches, there is a short fight before Dean finds himself pressed to the floor, no match for Alistair's demonic powers.

"Now, is that any way to welcome an old friend? I mean, we're practically family and…" he leans in to whisper in Dean's ear, "you still work for me."  
That is all it takes, just a simple sentence, and Dean feels all the anger run off him, turning into fear, he has forgotten how afraid he is of Alistair, but now when he's here he knows nothing's changed.

Dean has to stop himself from shaking, how could he ever think he could escape this creature? He has felt that going topside gave him his freedom back, he must have been blind not to have seen the leash. He has even though he has changed, not back to how he was, but that he cared, that… But here he is, laughing at the scent of blood and pain and…

A disturbing though hits Dean, what if he doesn't really care about Sammy, what if he's just protecting him because the demon deal makes him? He looks over at his brother who is playing some silent power game with the other demon, his hands outstretch in front of him, while Jo guides the children to the door.

Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, he has to stop this line of though. He _is_  free, more or less, there is nothing stopping him from killing Alistair, nothing stopping him from saving the world, the only thing he  _has_  to do is protect Sammy, and he would have done that anyway, because he  _does_  care. Right? He looks for that little warm feeling of love inside of him. He doesn't know if it's there, but he finds something else, the singing light running through his blood is there and it calms him down.

This is what convinces Dean he really has changed, he doesn't know how, he doesn't know what he cares about or not, but there's something good inside him, that makes him feel bad for being evil, there's something beautiful, and he can recognize beauty. He is not the same anymore.

That figured out he is still pressed against the floor with no hope of overpowering Alistair, but at least now, he can fight.  
"You can just go to hell!" he says as he spits the demon in the eye and twists to hit him hard on the throat. Alistair just flinches.  
"I would love to, but apparently I'm needed here", he says and then he's suddenly dragged off Dean, Kira growls and attacks the demon with claws and teeth, she lands on top of him and presses him to the floor. Sam is helping her and together they seem to be able to hold him in place. Dean looks around to see what happened to the other demon Sam was fighting and sees him exchanging blows with Jo and Ruby (who apparently has recovered enough to help), he seems to be losing.

Dean joins his own humble power to the struggle against Alistair and suddenly the demon smiles.  
"Well, it's been fun, but seems there's not going to be much more work here tonight so I should probably be going now. See you Dean, I must say I'm disappointed, you were meant for bigger things, you know?"

With that he is gone and Kira makes a surprised noise as he disappears from under her. Dean feels something that has to be relief, mixed with anger. He doesn't have to be in the same room as Alistair anymore, but in the same time he's furious the demon got away.

Sam returns his attention to the other demon which is still fighting Jo and Ruby, well fighting is a strong word, getting his ass kicked is more like it. Jo is a whirlwind of kicks and a flashing knife, Ruby, who still seems a bit unsteady on her legs, is mainly backup, but yet they are good at this, fighting together. Dean starts to draw a devil's trap with all the blood he's covered in and in minutes they have the demon safely contained.

He might not look like much, but he refuses to talk, not even when Sam does some demon torture thing he has just started to learn.  
"I'm tired, it's not going to work", he says after trying a few times and the only result has been a nose bleed. After that there is some threatening and talking and eventually some knife cutting, but nothing works.

"We can make him talk", Ruby eventually says, gesturing to herself and Dean. Sam looks at Ruby in a moment's surprise, then his eyes moves to Dean and there's a question in them, Dean doesn't answer it. He looks anywhere but at Sam and so his gaze falls on Jo who is watching Ruby with a troubled face.

"But you'll need to leave", Ruby continues and Dean nods.  
"Yeah, that's probably best", he agrees and Sam looks a little shocked.  
"I'm staying", he says and looks like he's about to continue when Dean interrupts him.  
"This is not going to be pretty Sam!"  
"I've seen a lot of things that weren't pretty."

"We won't do this if you two are still here", Ruby says.  
"I've already seen you torture a guy, and this one here is pretty cut up as it is", Jo says and Dean can't help but wonder when this happened.

"There's no point arguing with us, we just don't want you to get in our way, besides, there's children who were about to be sacrificed minutes ago and some guys who was possessed by demons downstairs, they're bound to wake up any minute. Someone got to take care of that", Dean says and after a few minutes more argument Sam and Jo leaves, Dean doesn't want to know what kind of images are running through their minds, but then again, it can hardly be worse than reality. Ruby goes to the car to get some useful things, when she comes back she dumps a bag on the floor and turns to Dean.

"Is there anything else you'll need?"  
"I thought we were doing this together", he says. It's a lie, he never really thought that, she's just here because they made some sort of deal that she wouldn't tell Sam that his brother is some master torturer, and saying " _Dean_  can make him talk" is kind of the same thing.

"I'll hold him, you cut. I've experienced my fair share of torture, and I've tortured I few people in my days too, but I've never actually  _practised_  it."  
"In this plane I haven't had that much practice either, it not like I can reduce him to a bloody mess on the floor."

"Oh, I don't know, as long as he has lungs and a mouth to talk with it should be okay, he's a demon, he won't die of blood loss."  
Dean finds himself smiling at that, and the knifes and instruments in the bag is singing to him, it's like coming home.

Then he is lost in a dream of blood and screams and tears, and laughter, his laughter. This is life, he catches himself thinking again and again. Here, right now, he feels no pain, this is the only way to make it disappear.

He is almost disappointed when the demon starts talking, he doesn't really listens, he assumes Ruby does that, there's another seal about to be broken somewhere, Lilith is somewhere else, some other demon has the colt, Alistair is working with Meg… He keeps cutting a little more before he feels Ruby's hand on his arm.

He sits down on the floor breathing heavily, yes, he is disappointed it's over, but only until that light inside him starts to fight and twist in a now familiar way. He feels sick and this time he actually throws up.

It's an addiction he realizes as he crawls to his feet and looks at the bloody mess he has created with various sharp objects. He can't stop himself from doing it, given the chance, and he can't stop himself from enjoying it. For the first time he wonders if he should try to stop it. Blood covers his body and he feels disgusted, all without the help of the singing light inside of him. This is what he has turned into? In that case Alistair was right, he is still working for him.

Dean decides then and there, that he's going to stop, he's going to change, and not because of some light that makes him throw up or even because it's what he should do, he's going to change because he wants to. Now he'll just have to remember, he feels a nervous smile on his lips, he knows who might help with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This story is taking on a life of it's own... Dean wouldn't behave if he didn't get what he wanted, and of course, in the end, he won... I just had to put him through some misery first, don't hate me. Now, take one minute out of your life and tell me what you think so far, please?


	15. In which Kira is ignored

"Castiel?"  
Dean's voice is quiet but Castiel hears it anyway, he considers not going. He remembers the way Dean's soul felt while he was inside the house, evil and twisted. He remembers the part of his grace that's inside the demon fight and cry out in pain at the contact with such darkness.

But it's quiet now, Dean is once again intriguing blackness, shining darkness, and he can't help but answer.  
"What is it?" he asks as he appears before the demon. Dean almost jumps at that and Kira barks loudly before Dean tells her to be quiet.

"You got to stop doing that! You can't just appear out of thin air a foot away from me."  
Castiel frowns at that, wondering if the demon is telling him what to do or if it's just a simple request.  
"If you listened, you would be able to sense my approach."

"Apparently I'm not a very good demon, with all the weaknesses and none of the strengths, guess my angel radar's not working." Dean's voice is bitter and Castiel suddenly looks at the demon more closely, something is troubling him, he can't see exactly what and there's no exploding emotions like on the night they first met like this. There is just something quiet, like sadness. Can demons even feel sadness?

"That's not what I meant, regardless of your power you should be able to sense  _me_."  
Like Castiel senses Dean, like he senses the demons sudden confusion followed by suspicion.  
"What did you do to me, when you healed me?"

Castiel almost bits his lip, realizing too late that he shouldn't have said that.  
"Why did you call me here?" he asks, trying to change the subject, he should have known it wouldn't work.

"To ask that question, I need to know what's happening to me Castiel, and if you don't tell me, that secret of yours, the one about how you saved the life of a demon, is going straight to your angel pal, Uriel or whatever his name was."

Under normal circumstances Castiel would have responded differently to such a threat, of course in normal circumstances he would never have found himself in this situation, now he just sighs, because Dean doesn't put any real power behind the words, he can feel over their link that the demon isn't angry, he just wants to know.

"I healed you using my grace, the result is that part of it is… bounded to your soul, inside you."  
Dean flexes his fingers and looks at them as if he would be able to see the grace flowing under his skin.  
"What is this… uh… grace thing?"

Castiel suddenly understands why many angels get so inpatient among humans, so many things to be explained, over and over, thousands of times over the same amount of years.  
"It's energy, what makes an angel an angel, we don't have souls, our grace is our… essence."

"So you just, filled in the cracks with it?"  
"You could say that."  
Dean looks at his hand again. "Creepy."  
He understands exactly what the demon means, it's strange, this feeling of being connected to this creature, more so than he is to his brothers, but even as he thinks that Castiel marvels at how he can feel Dean's fascination as he processes this information.

"What does it do?" He asks eventually.  
"I don't know."  
"Bullshit!"  
"I don't, it has never been done before."

They stare down each other until Castiel finally decides that he might as well tell Dean what it  _could_ be doing.  
"It seems to be in conflict with parts of your soul."  
"You think? I figured that out all by myself." Castiel finds he's annoyed by this amount of disrespect, but on the same time he can feel, through Dean, that it's not meant to be insulting.  
"It's okay now though, it's just when… " Dean's voice trails off but he doesn't need to finish the sentence, Castiel understands anyway.

He feels a sudden need to comfort the demon, say something that will take away this pain and sadness, but he can't figure out what before he feels another angel approaching, Uriel is looking for him. He needs an excuse to be here he realizes, a reason to be here.

"We need to capture Alistair."  
"What?" Dean seems a little annoyed at the sudden change of subject, until he realizes exactly what Castiel said and gets a disturbed look on his face.

"I was planning on killing him."  
"He might have important information."  
"Like what?"  
"Like where the next seal will be broken or where Lilith is."  
Or who is killing angels and how they are doing it, their latest problem in this war. He doesn't tell Dean about that, not even all of the angels know that, it could create panic according to Raphael.

Dean turns away, walks in a small circle before he stops in front of Castiel again, he seems troubled.  
"Not that I don't want in on making Alistair's life a living hell, but why do you guys want my help, or our help with it? You want help, that's why you're bringing it up right?"

"We don't know where he is, you're going to find him. The possibility that Alistair will be coming after you is quite high as it is right now."  
"You want me as bait?"  
Castiel doesn't answer, he focuses on listening to Uriel's approaching presence, he's almost there.

All of it is true of course, that they have been planning to use Dean for this, he and Uriel are supposed to tell Sam about it tomorrow, he will have to deal with that when the other angel shows up, sharing battle plans with a demon.

Dean just nods at his silence.  
"What do I have to do?"  
"Just draw him out, make him attack you, or simply set up a meeting, I imagine he would come."  
Dean smiles darkly at that, and it almost makes Castiel shiver, that wicked smile.  
"Yes", the demon says. "Yes, he would come."

Then he's back to normal and eyes Castiel with some suspicion.  
"When you guys have captured him, I want in on it, I'm not going to let you have him all to yourself, is that clear?"

"I thought you wanted to change", Castiel says, "no more torturing."  
"He's avoiding the question, because he doesn't know if Dean will be allowed to have anything to do with Alistair and he doesn't want to make promises he can't keep.

"Alistair is different, it's not the same, and that's not the issue, torture or no torture I need to get all the information we can get out of him."  
"You will", Castiel says and hopes he isn't lying, but Dean isn't listening, he's frozen in place and a frown is beginning to form on his face.

"Are you reading my mind?" He asks, and the voice is dangerous again. Castiel realizes too late that Dean hasn't said anything about wanting to change, it's just something Castiel though he sensed through his connection to the demon, this web of secrets and lies that he suddenly has caught himself in seems more dangerous by the second, what if he had made a slip like that in Uriel's presence?

His silence seems to be all the answer Dean needs and he grabs Castiel by his coat and almost lifts him from the ground. The angel considers fighting, he could have Dean off him and pressed to the ground with a thought, but then he realizes Dean knows this as well, he is simply too violated to care. Castiel has never really considered privacy before, angels rarely hide things from each other. It's not until now, when he has secrets of his own that he understands the point of privacy, and he understands how Dean feels.

"You stay out of my head!" Dean yells and Castiel comes back from his line of thought, he needs to calm Dean down, fast.  
"I don't read your mind, I read your feelings."  
It's not entirely true, but close enough, Dean's hands loosens their grip a little, not because he's less angry but because he needs this information, the fact that Castiel knows this is probably not anything he should share with Dean.

"You know what I feel?" Dean doesn't seem to know if this is better or worse.  
"It's a consequence of the part of my grace that is bonded to your soul, it creates a connection between us which makes it easy for me to read your feelings, the ones you have."  
The last part is unfair, he knows that, but it has the desired effect, Dean lets him go and starts pacing again, like a caged animal.

"I didn't…" He starts when he feels how hurt Dean is but then he stops himself, this is a demon, demons don't need to be comforted.  
"Well, don't… just stop reading my feelings." Dean says, all fight seemingly out of him.  
"I'll try."  
It's true, he really will, but he doubts he'll be able to, Dean is an explosion of emotions from time to time.

Uriel is close now, almost there. He has to hurry, make sure this dangerous web of lies is intact.  
"Dean, you should probably go, and tell the others about our plans for Alistair."  
"I thought I shouldn't tell them anything."

"Not about the healing, just tell them about Alistair, it's official business you could say."  
Dean nods and starts walking away.

"Can I change, be… something like the old me? Can I have real feelings, is it possible?"  
Castiel is a little surprised by the question and the absurdity of the situation hits him with full force, a demon asking him, an angel, about emotions. He's been asking himself the same question for a while now.

"I don't know, but maybe it's possible."  
Maybe they can find out together.  
"Okay", Dean says and starts walking away, Kira a silent shadow one step behind him, he seems sad again. "Bye Cas."  
He's so caught by surprise by Dean's shortening of his name that he can't think of a response before the demon is long gone.  _Cas_ , no one has ever called him something like that.

"Bye Dean", he whispers before he senses Uriel arrive beside him.

"You were talking to Dean?"  
"Yes, about Alistair."  
"Aren't we supposed to talk to Sam?"  
"He called me, it would seem he is our contact now, and he  _is_  the bait, I see no reason why we need to speak to Sam."

"He's arrogant, sending his brother to do the talking. We should make sure that never happens again." Uriel's tone is building up that anger he is so famous for.

"I don't think Sam sends Dean anywhere, I think he went here because he wanted to."  
It's an excuse, a bad one, but Uriel accepts it, because Castiel is still his superior, if he only knew how easily that can be changed.

"Interesting demon behavior, if I didn't know better I'd think he tried to protect his brother. Have you talked to Raphael about him?"  
"Yes" Castiel lies, the lies comes so easily now. "He said not to worry about it but keep an eye on the situation in case anything happens. Sam Winchester is still our main objective, Dean lost all significance he had when he became a demon, he is only of interest now because of his connection to Sam."

He hopes that is what Raphael would have said if he had told him, it should keep Uriel satisfied, unless he decides that "keep an eye in the situation" means to investigate Dean, then it's over.

Why is he taking these risks? Playing these games and trapping himself deeper in this web of lies and secrets? He feels a tug on his grace, feels Dean's soul, without the demon really noticing, wrapping itself in it, soothing away the anger and lessen the sadness just a little, and he knows.

This creature, this demon, has proven that everything isn't always what it seems, that you have a choice, that a demon can feel and care. This is why Castiel is still here, because Dean makes him feel, experience emotions in a way he's never done before. The need to help, the thrill of making his own decisions, the fascination over Dean's beautiful still dark soul, completely different from the way he loves humanity and all his father's other creations, different from anything he has ever felt before, it feels real, makes him feel alive in a way he hasn't in thousands of years of existence, and he can't lose it, no matter the risks or the consequences.


	16. In which Ruby makes a discovery

Ruby is a little nervous about this, not entirely sure how it will play out, but it has to be done. When they came back from the house they decided that it was time she contacted Meg, and now here she is, working a summon ritual under the trees. It gives her a feeling of comfort, routine, how many times have she done this? Too many for counting, surely.

"I almost thought you were really going to turn me down", Meg says as she arrives.  
"What makes you think I've changed my mind?"  
"You're here aren't you? Without backup, I think that proves my point."  
That smirk on her face, even though it's not the same face, the smirk is exactly the same as it was then, so long ago.

For a second Ruby just wants to reach out to Meg again, make her see reason, make her listen, but it's too late. It's been too late for hundreds of years, after all she didn't listen when her friend once tried to tell her she was wrong, and it cost them both, dearly. No, the only way is to stick with the plan, convince Meg they can be on the same side, even if it will never be the same.

"Fine, I'm in. What's the plan? We break the seals, let Lucifer out on the world and let Lilith and her pet Crowley be second in command?" She doesn't care to hide her dislike, Meg must know she doesn't like it.

She's never liked the thought about Lucifer in charge, she has a certain respect for Lilith, but the bitch is crazy, and Crowley… She can't say she was surprised when the demon they tortured reviled that he was Lilith's right hand, but she couldn't have been more disappointed, he is too clever and too different for her to be comfortable with him in such a power position.

"Not so fast. What made you change your mind?"  
"The angels, there are angels following Sam around now, and I don't work with angels, and… I have things to make right." That last part is what's supposed to make Meg give in, the hint that Ruby's here for her.

"You've done too much to make anything right Ruby, let's just forget it and destroy the world together." Meg smiles but there's no real warm behind it and Ruby wishes she'd kept her mouth shut.

"Yeah, let's. What do you want my help with?" And just like that the conversation drops all the personal parts and it's all business. Meg tells her how she's supposed to keep Sam from saving this seal and keep him away from Lilith.

Ruby tries to confirm the information she got from today's torture session, but it turns out Meg doesn't really knows where Lilith is.

"She moves around all the time, has no direct contact with anyone except Crowley. Last I heard she was in California."

Which doesn't help at all, the screaming demon said Kansas, but Ruby doesn't feel capable of searching an entire state, much less two. Alistair, on the other hand, it seems they can get to, and the planning starts. For a second it almost feels like old times, like they're still friends planning something exiting. Then reality comes back to Ruby, she isn't even going to do this.

When she leaves she's in a sad mode, it kills her to play Meg like this, she wishes it didn't had to be her, but of course, it couldn't be anybody else.  
"I knew you'd come around, demons are bound to work for hell Ruby, it's just the way of the world. Look at Dean, such a righteous human, but even he's working for us now."  
Ruby freezes at that.

"What do you mean?"  
"You must have guessed? How did you think he got out? He's keeping Sam safe for us."  
"Of course", Ruby forces herself to say, but inside she feels a little cold, she has known Dean's hiding something, and she didn't believed it was a coincidence that he got out of hell at the same time as Meg, but if he's hiding this, then what else? And should she tell anyone what she knows?

* * *

It's late when Dean comes back to the motel room, but Sam isn't sleeping yet, he and Jo are sitting up, talking.

"Where have you been? We're still waiting for Ruby to get back."  
Dean has almost forgot about that, Ruby talking to Meg and trying to figure out where Lilith is and what the next seal is hasn't been the first thing on his mind the last hour. He's been haunted by thought of Castiel and Alistair, mostly Castiel, he thinks it should be the other way around and it's a bit disturbing.

Before Dean can answer Ruby comes in through the door, a frown on her face.  
"How did it go?" Sam asks and immediately shifts his attention from Dean to the other demon.

"I'm in, I'm supposed to stop you from saving a seal in Texas and Alistair is hiding out in Salem, Con-"  
"He's in Salem? Isn't that a little cliche? And there's always hunters there, biggest witch town and everything", Dean cut in.  
"No, this is another Salem, in Coneticut, with a population of like 4000 people, and if you didn't interrupt me all the time I could have just told you so."

Dean makes a face, Ruby is obviously not in her best mood. Sadly, he hasn't any time to think of a good response before Jo joins the conversation.  
"Then the question is if we go to Texas or Connecticut I suppose. Do we hunt Alistair and hope he leads us to Lilith or do we go and save a seal we know for sure will be broken otherwise?"

"We hunt Alistair", Dean immediately responds.  
"But we're not even sure he there, or that he can lead us to Lilith", Sam says, taking on Jo's worries.  
"I'll have to go with Dean on this one, Lilith has priority." Dean has to say he's surprised by that, Ruby seemed so angry with him just moments ago and now she's agreeing with him?

"But we know the seal is going to break, we're just going to leave it to chase Alistair? Have you forgotten what happened last time we tried to kill him, and that was just hours ago." He hasn't expected Jo to be the voice of reason either, what's happening to this little group? But no matter what he has to make sure they go after Alistair, and he knows just how to do it.

"Lilith is the course of the problem, we'll never win if we don't take her down, and we don't want heaven on our tails."  
"What do you mean?" Sam asks.

"I saw the angel, Casitel or whatever, he said that we're to draw Alistair out and then he and his pals would handle the capturing part."

"You saw Castiel, on your own? When?" Sam sounds disbelieving, like he just heard that Dean turned into a frog or something.

"Yeah, and he wanted me to pass on that message, they want us to capture Alistair, and with their help, it just might work."  
"Fine, I guess I'm in." Sam sounds far from exited but that's probably as good as it's going to get.

"Great, then let's go to Salem, the demon Salem, not the witch Salem", Dean says, before anyone else can bring up the question of why he was seeing an angel and discussing battle strategy in the middle of the night. Everybody agrees and heads off for bead, but just as Ruby exits the room she gives Dean the universal  _I know_  look, and it almost makes his blood freeze, he doesn't know if he has any secret that she can really hold against him, but whatever she knows if effectively keeps him from sleeping that night.


	17. In which the plot is nowhere to be found

Kira follows Dean when he silently climbs out the window, of course she always follows Dean everywhere. She takes care not to wake Sam who has finally fallen asleep, she knows Dean has to be alone, she can feel it, but she can't let him wander too far on his own.

He starts walking down the street and Kira silently falls into pace beside him, the silence is a special trick of hers, since she's invisible to humans she has developed the skill to move without sound when she wants to. Other hellhounds often bark and growl at their victims from miles away, Kira likes sneaking up on them, not let them know she's there before she's just a few feet away, scaring them insane.

There's no one on the streets tonight, it's almost dawn Kira realizes, she can feel the sun coming closer but it's still very dark. All around her is the smell of the city; dirt, fuel, and humans, so many of these fascinating creatures filled with red thick blood, even though there's no one in sight their smell still lingers over everything.

"You won't leave me alone will you?" Dean asks and runs a hand through her fur. Kira gives a low moan as answer, of course she won't leave him, ever.

"I just need to clear my head you know, there's so much I keep thinking about but everything's just going in circles. All this shit with Cas and angels, and this deal I made with Meg…" He trails off and they continue in silence for a while.

Kira knows exactly what he means of course, this with thoughts going in circles. She's strangely attached to her master, all hellhounds who are bound to a demon master will protect this demon with their life, without question, but Dean's different. She's curious about him, if he's happy or not, what he's thinking. She's enjoying herself, usually she doesn't like being away from hell for this long, sure it's fun to hunt and kill, but otherwise this world isn't that entertaining. Now she's having fun even though there's very little bloodshed and killing involved. This confuses her, all of it.

As much as these thoughts disturbs her, the most pressing thing on her mind is at the moment the same as Dean's; the angel. She feels weird around Castiel, scared and at the same time so very very angry, everything about him is wrong, he doesn't smell like anything she's ever smelled before, he looks wrong too, all that shining light, it's like the sun suddenly decided it wanted to have a mind and talk. He just feels wrong, but Dean likes him.

This is a problem, one she doesn't know how to handle, which means she's done nothing about it. She can't give into the fear and run off to leave Dean alone with that thing and she can't give into the rage and attack him, cause Dean wouldn't allow it. She hopes there will be no more encounters but she knows it's a useless hope, Dean likes Castiel, is drawn to him like she's drawn to Dean.

She knows why of course, she was there when Castiel said they were connected, she didn't understand the details, but she understands what it means. She knew even before he said it though, it's in Dean's sent, if she sniffs carefully enough she can smell it, see it, a faint light inside him. A part of the angel in his soul.

"He's weird, there's so much about him that I can't understand", Dean says as they turn a corner, she understands exactly how her master feels.  
"You think he could tell me about this deal with Meg? I mean, I think I care about Sam, but what if I don't? What if it's just the deal?"

This part Kira really can't understand, she can't bring herself to see why it matters to Dean if he cares about Sam or not, it doesn't change anything, or at least she thinks it doesn't. What if she didn't really care about Dean? Would it make her upset? It is all very confusing so Kira stops thinking about it, concentrating on other things, she thinks she can smell another demon, but it's faint, a couple of days old probably.

"He looks like he has all the answers, I get shocked every time I realize he doesn't. You think he's as confused as I am?"  
Kira keeps sniffing in the wind, it makes her a little uncomfortable to listen to Dean talking this way about the angel, she doesn't like him, if she got to choose they would have nothing more to do with him, shame she doesn't get to choose.

"And then there's Ruby, she knows something, she already knows too much but now she looked like she had all my secrets in a book somewhere just ready to give them away to the highest bidder or something, Meg must have told her something, I'll just have to figure out what." Kira feels a sudden itch behind her ear as she always does when she's following a confusing line of thought. It has been itching a lot these past few days, she wishes Dean would stop jumping between subjects like this.

"And then there's Alistair, I thought I had all that behind me and then he shows up and I barely get out of there alive and-", Dean interrupts himself as a human turns up on the street. Kira growls deep in her throat, she should have seen her coming, it's a woman, a bit older than Dean, and she passes just inches from Kira even though the street is otherwise empty. It takes all Kira's self-control not to attack her, it's been far too long since she got to chew on something living, something human, it's just been demons and more demons. Actually when she thinks about it the last human being she got to kill was Dean, and that was so very long ago.

Dean seems to sense how tense she is for he reaches out and pats her on the head, taking care of that itch behind her ear while he's at it.  
"Easy girl, you can eat Alistair when I'm done with him but leave the humans alone for now", he says when the woman is out of earshot. Kira feels a little tingle inside at the thought of eating Alistair, he never was very nice. She relaxes slightly.

"There you go, I knew you'd like that. I think we should be heading back, the sun will be up any minute now."

When they climbs in through the window again Sam wakes up, Kira is absolutely sure it's the sound of Dean landing on the floor that does it, because she has perfected the art of silence, the little scratch on the window doesn't count.

"Where have you been?" Sam asks, wide awake. Sam is another thing that bugs Kira, like Dean there's something strange about him. He's clearly human, she can see and smell that a mile away and yet he reeks of demon, it's like that little light in Dean, only it's darkness, and it makes her just as confused, her life was much easier before she met Dean, his brother and his angel.

"Took Kira for a walk."

Sam stares in disbelief.  
"Dude, she's a hellhound, not a Labrador, you can't keep treating her like she's some pet."  
"It's not such a big difference and why not? She  _is_  a pet, kind of, you know what I mean, right Kira?"

Sam shakes his head in a "you're crazy" way but doesn't say anything about it.  
"Where did you go anyway?"  
"Nowhere, just walked, why do you care?"  
"Just bugs me how much you walk off on your own all the time, you okay?"

Kira growls a little at Sam when she senses Dean's irritation, she can't handle anyone making Dean feel distressed in any way and she feels anger welling up inside her at Sam's notion that Dean walks off  _alone_ , she's someone, it's not like she's a regular dog.

"It's nothing, just drop it."  
Sam looks suspicious at that but leaves that subject as well.  
"Whatever, we should probably start moving anyway, the earlier we get to Salem the better, go get the girls."

"Dude, it's not even six am, they might need to sleep", Dean says.  
"Ruby doesn't have to, and Jo can sleep in the car, it's a long ride to Connecticut."  
"Yeah yeah, I'll go."

Kira happily follows Dean as he leaves the motel room, through the door this time, she was getting tired of this place anyway and now she might be allowed to eat Alistair soon, she just hopes she won't have to spend too much time with that angel.

Said angel is slowly making his way from the motel, no specific destination in mind and wonders if he should feel bad about listening in on Dean's private conversations with his hellhound, and he can't quite decide if he does. Kira isn't the only one troubled by confusing thoughts as the sun chases away the darkness and a new adventurous day begins.


	18. In which there is cuteness

A gentle pull at her hair makes Jo wake up.  
"What?" She says sleepily before there's another tug at her hair.  
"What was that for?" she mutters and glares at Ruby when she realizes what's happening.

"Finally awake", says Ruby with an amused smile. "Lucky for you, any longer and I would have had to pour cold water over you."  
"You'd like that wouldn't you", says Jo, still glaring. "What's going on?"

"Nothing really. Apparently the boys couldn't sleep, between us two I think they have nightmares, so they decided that we should be going. I think Sam has decided he's in charge or something. It's not good for his ego, all these demons and angels giving him attention and telling him it's all about him."

Jo laughs, and finds it in her to forgive Ruby for the rude wake up method.  
"We'll have to show who's really in charge then", she says and pulls the covers closer around her, pretending to go back to sleep. "Wake me up if the world is ending."

Ruby giggles, and Jo almost abandons her act at that, Ruby, _giggling_ , there's just no way.  
"The world  _is_  ending", the demon says. "And besides, I have this feeling the guys don't really need to know who's in charge, let them think they're calling all the shots while we make all the actual decisions."  
"Fine", Jo mutters, "what time is it anyway?"

Fifteen minutes later they are all in the car and on their way. Jo curls up in the backseat and tries to get some sleep, she vaguely wonders if she should have taken her car with them but decides it can just wait for her here, out of the hot zone.

Soon she gives up trying to sleep, Dean is playing  _The black album_  on the stereo and everybody is speaking quite loud to be heard over  _Enter sandman._

"I still think we should have more of a plan before just driving into Salem and saying; Hi, we're the ones you've been looking for, come and kill us".  
Jo smiles sleepily at Ruby's statement, which she really shouldn't find funny.

"We'd better think of a plan then", Sam agrees.

"Yeah, but we don't know what he's doing there, right? Did Meg say anything that's actually useful?" Dean asks over the music.  
"She said he was there, I think that qualifies as useful."

"It's going to be fine, he's probably just sulking about trying to find a seal to break or someone to torture."  
"Yeah, you would know", Ruby mutters and Jo can physically feel the anger radiating from her. She doesn't understand why that is though, she was under the impression that Dean and Ruby if not liked each other than at least got along, it seems she was wrong.

"What?"  
"Nothing…" Ruby mumbles and Jo smiles when the witch-demon reminds her of a grumpy child.

The rest of the ride consist of planning, but when they finally arrive in Salem the only thing they really have achieved is an uncomfortable tension in the car as the two demons continues to snap at one another.

"What's wrong between you and Dean?" She asks Ruby as she dumps her bag on the thin bed, there's no motel here so they're staying with the couple that owns the gas station, it didn't take much convincing, she secretly thinks Ruby can convince anyone to almost anything, except for Dean of course...

"He's an idiot, that's what wrong."  
"Ruby…" Jo tries to stare the demon down. It doesn't work of course, she's forced to look away from those old eyes with an evil glimmer in them, but then Ruby gives in anyway.  
"I don't know… That's the problem, there's something he's not telling us."

"Everybody has secrets, you have a bunch of them."  
"Yes, but this one might be dangerous."  
"Ask him about it and you'll see it's nothing."

Jo sounds much surer than she is. Truth is she's been feeling kind of uncomfortable around Dean since he came back, but she's been thinking it probably has something to do with the way she felt about Dean… before, he's just different, that's all.

"You think I should just talk to him?"  
"Definitely, Sam and I aren't going to last much longer with you two trying to kill each other off."  
"Fine, I'll go find him then."

* * *

Sam is tired, it wasn't a very nice drive, and it was long.  
"So what's up with you and Ruby?" Sam asks, because he's getting really tired of his brother and his best friend trading insults with each other constantly. It wasn't a problem when Dean was still alive and Ruby was just the demon who showed up to help, but it is different now, and not just because they're together 24/7.

Ruby is a friend, he trusts her, he knows he probably shouldn't, but that's the way it is.  
"I don't trust her", is Dean's only response.

"You seemed to get along okay despite that earlier", Sam says and watches carefully for his brother's reaction, there's none.  
"Well, I realized she's an evil bitch I guess."

There's the tell, the overly sincere voice Dean uses when he's lying or trying to cover something up.  
"Okay, but I think…"

Ruby and Jo is standing at the door and Sam gets to share one pained look with Jo before they're at it again.

"You're not really in any position to call me evil, Dean."  
"And why is that?"

An evil smile appears on Ruby's face and Dean suddenly looks scared.  
"You know what, forget it, I have more important things to do, like meet Cas and come up with a real plan since  _your_  contact, didn't know anything useful.

It takes the whole room a minute to realize who Dean is talking about.  
"So it's "Cas" now?" Sam can't help but ask despite that it's not the most important thing right now.

"That's cute, he nicknamed the angel that he sneaks of to meet without telling us, and now he's going to share our plans with him. Am I the only one in this room who thinks we trust these angel guys a little too soon?"

Ruby goes all the way from mocking to all out angry in a matter of seconds.  
"Since we don't have any plans there's not much I can share with him, is there? And that's a perfectly good reason to talk to him, right? If they can help, then why not let them try, it's not like we can stop them anyway."

The two demons glare at each other and Sam wishes his psychic abilities involved mind reading, cause there's simply no way that all there is between them is some sudden realization that they don't like each other.

"Whatever, I'll go talk to him. Kira! Come here, we're leaving."  
When the door closes after him Jo and Sam share a look before they simultaneously starts to stare accusingly at Ruby.

"What? It's not my fault!"  
"You were supposed to talk to him", Jo says and has the air of a disappointed parent about her.  
"And I'm going to, later."

"You know what?" Sam finds himself saying. "I think now is an excellent idea."  
Ruby looks between Sam and Jo for support, and getting none, before she exits the room with a loud: "Okay okay, I'll talk to him but don't blame me if he won't listen."

"She thinks Dean's hiding something", Jo says after they both have breathed a sigh somewhere between tiredness and relief.  
"Really, I got the impression that's what he thought about her."

The shared another sigh, this conversation would probably not be pretty.


	19. Chapter 19

"Dean!" It is Ruby's voice, commanding him to stop, he chooses to ignore it and just keeps walking. She reaches out with her demon-power and stops him and even though Dean has been getting stronger he's still no match for her, Kira however is another matter. She turns around at the speed of light, gives a warning growl that could freeze blood and prepares to attack Ruby.

The force holding Dean in place immediately releases it's grip.  
"Fine, I can't force you but we still need to talk, I need to know what you paid Meg to get out."  
Dean turns at that, this might actually be a necessary conversation. Does she know or is she just bluffing, setting a trap?

"I don't know what you're talking about, and I have an angel to meet so-"  
"Stop it!" Ruby interrupts. "I know everything, Meg told me."  
"And you believed her?"

"It makes sense Dean, come on, don't you think I suspected something? You all "I don't know what saved me, I don't remember anything." On the same day that Meg got back? Hell of a coincidence, don't you think?"  
"Yeah, a real weird coincidence."

"You're going to tell me what the deal is or I'll tell Sam and Jo that Meg said you work for them."  
Dean's blood turns cold, would Sam believe her? Even more disturbing; is it true? He hasn't been able to decide that yet, but he knows he will try and stop Meg. That makes it a "no", right?

"That's not true, that's not what it's like!"  
"Then what is it like?"  
"It was to keep Sam safe, that's it, my part of the deal. Guess they want Sam alive so they can make him the damn antichrist or whatever, but look at it Ruby, there's no downside. I'm free, Sam's safe, it's not a problem, and it's not like I'm working for them."

He knows it's a mistake, he probably shouldn't be telling her anything, he's grown very attached to all these secrets the last week, it's hard to let them go, but he really doesn't see another option. What if Sam found out? His mind would jump right to the same question that Dean's did, still does; what if he's protecting Sam only because of the deal?

Of course that's where Ruby's thoughts turn as well.  
"You mean you're only here because Meg told you to so you could get out of hell?"  
"Of course not, I would be here anyway, Sam was the biggest reason I wanted to come back here in the first place, I really do care about him", Dean responds without hesitation, he just hopes it's the truth.

The other demon seems to buy it though.  
"Okay, so you haven't helped her with anything else? You don't know anything you're not telling me about? You're not seeing Meg behind our backs?"

"No, no and no, now get lost or I tell Kira she can have you for an afternoon snack." The hellhound bares her teeth at the comment but Dean's thoughts are too far off to be amused. Anything he's not telling? Yes, what about;  _I'm bounded to an angel with some creepy grace-connection_? He breathes a sigh of relief at the thought that at least one of his secrets are still intact, even though he doesn't know how much use it will be, or even what it means, but he intends to find out.

"Fine, I'll go", Ruby says when Kira threatening takes a step closer, "but I'll be keeping an eye on you."  
"I'll be keeping an eye on you too Ruby, don't think you're the only one who's suspicious, what's your endgame? Why so interested in my brother, huh? And the secret meetings with Meg that we so conveniently can't attend… I'll be keeping an eye on you too. "

"Fair enough I suppose", she says and turns around. Dean watches her go with an uneasy feeling, he should probably keep on her good side, a few words and she could ruin a lot, but she just seems to bring out the worst of him.

He and Kira keeps walking, he has no idea where he's heading, it always seems he goes off somewhere private to call Castiel and he wonders where to go before he realizes it's stupid, it's not like everyone else understands that he's talking to an angel.

He walks a block away and into a park where he sits down on a bench, buries his fingers in Kira's tick fur and thinks of the right words to summon his direct link to heaven. As it turns out, he doesn't have to, Cass shows up on his own accord, and this time Dean actually senses him before he sees him, could it be because he was thinking about him?

The angel appears right behind him and then walks around the bench to sit beside Dean on it.  
"What are you doing here?" He asks without any greeting and Dean can't help but feel a little offended.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean you've traveled a long distance to get here, but there's nothing here."

Dean frowns at that, sure, he can't feel any big demonic presence but that doesn't mean the town's clean.  
"We got an inside source, said that Alistair was here."  
"If he is he is very well hidden", Cass says, and he sounds less than sure.  
"As you said before, he has a score to settle with me, he'll show."

Dean's not as convinced as he sounds, in fact, he's getting less sure by the second, what he said about not trusting Ruby wasn't just to throw her off, he really think there's something shady about her, and Cass is not helping.

"Let's hope he does, maybe I should help you look."  
"No, better he doesn't suspect we have back up", Dean says and the pair falls silent. Dean knows this is where this conversation is supposed to end, but the angel doesn't seem inclined to leave, and frankly Dean doesn't want him to, but it leaves them without a proper topic.

He watches the park, it's not many people here, the sun is just about to set and there's just some by passers, using the park for a shortcut home. He gives a sight and finally decides he has to talk to Cass about this, cause he's the only one he dares to ask.

"What do you know about demon deals?"  
He carefully watches the angel's reaction, he tilts his head to the side and looks at Dean with that intense stare that he always finds himself unable to look away from. Curious, maybe confused, but not suspicious, Dean decides, a good sign.

"They're binding, they can't be broken unless you're let loose by the contract-holder and they are usually for your soul."  
The angel doesn't seem to know exactly what he should tell him, probably an effect of not knowing what exactly he wants to know.

"I mean for the demon, how does it work when they make a deal?"  
"They are forced to follow through, nothing can change that, you're not planning on making any deals are you?" Cass suddenly eyes him with a suspicious look.

"No, I just wondered", Dean says but the angel keeps looking at him with that look, like he's almost disappointed, that hurt's, it really does. "Come on, it's true, you can like read my feelings or whatever, wouldn't you be able to tell if I'm lying?"

Cass finally lets that look go and Dean breathes a sigh of relief. He has trouble understanding why he can't stand the thought of disappointing Cass, probably the creepy grace-bond he decides.

"What would I be doing with souls anyway?" Dean says as a passing thought, "Why does everybody wants them?"  
"Then why do you want to know?" Cass asks, ignoring Dean's question.

I'm just curious, I've been making these deals, you know? On the human side it's quite obvious how you deal with someone trying to get out of a deal, you send a bunch of these cute puppies", he points to Kira, "after the poor bastard and get your soul, or whatever it was you wanted, but what makes a demon keep his side of the deal?"

"Very old, very powerful magic, the kind not even angels can mess with, the same kind that decides if a soul goes to heaven or hell. We had to…" Cass trails off and appears lost in thought, it awakens Dean's curiosity.

"You had to what?"  
"Nothing,"  
"Come on, you can tell me."  
"No Dean, because of who you are, I can't, you shouldn't know this."

Dean feels anger taking over the curiosity, anger that this creature affects him so much, anger that he doesn't trust him even though he no longer has no intention of playing him in any way, it's unfair.

"You know what? I am getting really tired of you reading my feelings and still treating me like I should trust you. You don't get to dodge questions, I'm not the one with the mindreading ability. You're just a self-righteous dick who think you is so high above me that you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. Why are you even sitting here talking with a demon in the first place?"

It's not true, he knows that, Cass hasn't ever treated him like shit, it just hurt, this lack of trust, this that he is only important because of Sam, and now that he can't know anything because he's a demon. It hurts so much the rage is boiling up inside him, and he wonders for a brief moment if he had reacted this way, had he been human. He doesn't get a chance to calm down however, before his rant is even finished Cass has stood up and thrown Dean off the bench.

He lands hard on the grass and Kira growls and attacks the angel as he bends to lift Dean up and shake him violently. He stops the hellhound easily and Dean has a moment to marvel at Cass's strength before the angel starts speaking in an angry voice that's even lower than usually.

"You have no right to say those things to me Dean! No matter how you look at it, I saved you're life, even though you're a demon."

He seems angry but Dean can feel that he's not, that shining light, the grace, in him, has begun to move, it's carefully soothing Dean's own anger, making it slowly fade and give room for something dangerously close to guilt.

He doesn't say he's sorry, that would make him feel too weak, but Cass seems to realize it anyway and slowly lowers Dean to the ground.

"I didn't really mean that", Dean mutters, it isn't really an apology, right? Cass just nods and releases whatever magic hold he has on Kira, she immediately runs to Dean's side, like making sure he's okay.

"Now we should get to your brother, I would like to help you locate your missing demon."  
Dean doesn't care to argue on that point again, if Cass wants to help, then fine, let him, there is one thing he would like to know though.

"Cass", he starts carefully, "that thing you didn't wanted to tell me…" He trails off, not really knowing how to continue. The angel looks at him with a considering gaze for a long moment before looking around as if to check no one is listening, now when Dean thinks about it, he seems to do that a lot.

"I will tell you, later. For now I think the most urgent business is to locate Alistair. We've already been talking for too long."

They start walking back together and Dean can't help but feeling a little warm inside at the thought of Cass actually telling him whatever it was. If he didn't knew better he'd say it felt like happiness.

* * *

Ruby is furious, that he dares threaten her like that! The hellhound is really starting to get on her nerves. She doesn't realize were she's going before she's back at her and Jo's room. The girl always seems to calm her down.

"He's suspecting me of selling us out to Meg", she says as soon as she's walked through the door. Jo barely looks up from the book she's reading, something to make a spell to locate demons.

"Well, you're suspecting him of that aren't you?"  
"Yes, but I know he's not right."

Jo just shakes her head, and gives one of those smiles that bring a smile to Ruby's lips as well.  
"And he probably knows you're not right, it's useless to speculate. And besides, I know Dean, he might be all demonic now but his whole being is more or less built around Sam, he would never put him in danger."

"I guess you could be right", Ruby says with a sigh. "Need any help finding a spell?"

Twenty minutes later she feels something coming closer and then there's a knock on the door. Sam and Dean walk into the room closely followed by Castiel and Kira.

"Hi", Sam says as he looks around the now crowded room. "Dean brought his angel, says he could help."

"You found any good spell yet?" Dean asks Jo after throwing a quick glare in Sam's direction.  
"Something, some kind of summoning thing but…" Jo starts but is quickly but the angel interrupts her.

"That won't be necessary, any spell you would try would be futile since the demon you're trying to summon is either too far away or very carefully hidden by powerful magic."

"So you think we should just sit here and do nothing?" Ruby blurts out, for a second forgetting that she's really scared of this thing.  
"No, I suggest I cast a spell, one I'm afraid you would be unable to perform."  
Sam looks like he's about to say something witty, he seems to do that a lot lately, but before he even opens his mouth a voice none of them recognizes cuts through the room.

"That really won't be necessary. Sorry Alistair couldn't make it, you'll just have to do with me."

The whole room turns to the sound of the voice and Ruby feels her stomach drop just a little, would it be better if they had met Alistair? She almost thinks so.

"And who are you?" Sam asks the dark-haired demon that just appeared out of nowhere. Jo's already pointing her gun at him and Sam is holding the demon knife. Castiel doesn't look like he needs a weapon, the stare that he's giving the demon seems deadly enough. Which leaves her and Dean, they exchange a quick look sharing the though;  _I can't believe I'm unarmed._ With that look she feels a big part of her suspicion against him slipping away.

"Sorry for the bad introduction mate, I'm Crowley."


	20. In which there is a talking cat

"He's a demon", Dean says the moment Crowley has introduced himself, of course the only one who doesn't instantly knows this is Jo but between the appearing out of thin air and the mention of Alistair she has figured that out herself, really.

"No shit…" she says at the same time as Crowley says "Brilliant deduction", with more than a little sarcasm. Dean gives them both a killing glare, his eyes have gone black.

"What do you want?" Sam asks after a short awkward silence, he seems to take command a lot recently, but since they're all here for him she supposes it makes sense he's the leader. Well everyone but Jo is here for Sam, she doesn't really know why she keeps hanging around, it's not like she's anything special in this gang, if it doesn't count to be the only normal human being in the group.

"I was going to give you this, but since you're so aggressive I might just shoot you with it."  
Obviously the gun he is holding is something special because Sam, Dean and Ruby collectively freeze when they see it.

"That's the colt", Dean says without taking his eyes of it. The colt? Like the colt? Well in that case there really is a reason for the reaction.

"Another statement of the obvious, it seems heaven didn't pick anyone overly bright as their champion."

"It is not your place to question the will of-" Castiel says and starts moving forward, he has just taken one step when he is interrupted by Crowley aiming the gun at him.

"I am Lilith's second in command, you really think you can take me? And besides, this thing can kill you, or so I've heard. Which is why you need it, cause it can kill Lilith as well. "

The angel looks like he's going to say something but the brothers beats him to it.

"What do you mean chosen?"  
"Why would you give it to us?"

Of course the demon chooses to answer Sam and ignore Dean.

"Because I feel like surviving, I think we can make a deal, I'll give you the colt and you kill Lilith with it."  
"Why don't you just do it yourself?"  
"Like I said, I feel like surviving."

"Where's Alistair?" Dean asks and this time Crowley actually bothers answering.  
"Meg said she thought you'd go here, so of course I couldn't let Alistair be here, it would just be messy and I might just loose this little gang that keeps Lilith on her toes."

"Maybe I'm incredibly slow, but why do you want to kill Lilith again?" Jo can't help but agree with Dean on this one, it doesn't make much sense, according to Ruby these two are as thick as thieves.

"What does it take for you people to understand? She's going to open Lucifer's cage."  
"So?"  
"So he's an angel, when he's done exterminating the humans and taking over heaven, which won't be a problem now… he's going to spike everything with black eyes."

"What do you mean won't be a problem now?" Dean asks and Crowley gives him a disbelieving look but just continues his rant without answering.

"And if he for some reason decided to keep us alive I still can't see why I should let him out, why would I let the big bad come back when I'm just one step away from his throne?"

"So that's it?" Ruby asks. "You just want to be chief of the pit?" She sounds aggressive and Jo suddenly realizes Ruby has put herself between Jo and Crowley, when did that happen?

"I doesn't matter what my motives are as long as we all want the same thing, now go kill the bitch, but hurry will you, you're on a tight schedule, try to be done before the last seal breaks."

He throws the colt to Sam who catches it, when they all look back to Crowley he's already gone.

"Well, that was helpful, he didn't even tell us where she is", Ruby mutters and walks over to Sam who's examining the gun.  
"It seems to be the real deal", he says after a while, "but we can't be sure until we try it out."

"So we're back to hunting Alistair", Dean says after a minute. "You think we could just summon him or something?"  
"That would require a powerful spell, one that could break through whatever magic defenses he has set up", Ruby replies.

Dean glances at Castiel but the angel just shakes his head and says "I have never needed to summon a demon of that strength, but I should be able to find a spell to match your requirements."

"Wait", Dean says quickly, Jo doesn't think the angel looks like he's going anywhere but obliviously Dean has seen something that she's missing.

"I need to talk to you", Dean continues and then looks over at the others in the room. "Will you give us a minute?"

Jo blinks in surprise at this, but her reaction is pretty lame compared to Sam and Ruby's.  
"What?" they say in unison and Dean actually looks uncomfortable.  
"Well… I mean… I"

He's so cute Jo can't help but feel some sympathy for him and she somehow don't think whatever he wants to talk about with Casitel is something they really need to hear.  
"Come on guys, let's go", she says, pushes Sam out the door and takes Ruby's hand and drags her along.

"What was that about?" Ruby asks, "I was surprised enough when he got the role as our link to god's feathery messengers, but what the hell? See why I was suspicious?"

"Was?" Jo wonders.  
"Well, is, but… ", Ruby trails off as her eyes settles on something behind Jo in the corridor. She turns around and a couple of yards behind her a black cat is sitting staring at her.

"There's something strange about it", Sam says. Jo can't see anything special about it, but then it obliviously is something strange about it, that much is clear from the way Ruby's looking at it, she wonders if things would be easier if she had Sam's psychic abilities, then she would be able to keep up with him and the demons.

"What are you doing here?" Ruby asks and then something happens that probably would shock Jo if she didn't happened to be a hunter.  
"I've been tracking you since someone decided I was your best friend, apparently it's dangerous to help you", the cat says, the voice is male, human and sounds vaguely familiar.

"Care to explain why you're a cat?"

* * *

 

Castiel felt a little out of place at the confrontation with Crowley, now he feels like he should have done something, said more. He was so close to one of the leaders of hell but let two demons and Sam Winchester do the talking.

He feels nervous when the others leave the room, it's not a feeling he is familiar with, actually he's been feeling a lot of things lately, he wonders if it's really Dean that is nervous and that it's just the connection that makes him feels like this but when the door closes the demon just looks determinate.

He has known this conversation would be coming of course, since he more or less promised to answer Dean's questions back in the park, but he still considers avoiding it. If he just leaves now there's nothing Dean can do to stop him, but he doesn't leave, he just waits.

"What did he mean taking over heaven won't be a problem now? What did he mean with champion? What was it you didn't want to tell me earlier? I can't help but think that this" he waves between them and Castiel assumes the word he's indicating is "relationship", "is one way enough as it is but it seems more and more secrets just starts showing up."

"Which question do you want me to answer?" Castiel asks, trying to sort things out. Dean just stares at him and he guesses he's supposed to just start talking, and when he thinks about it all the questions really has the same answer.

"There's something you have to know to understand Dean, about you and the first seal", he pauses, wonders if there's any better way to tell this story, hopes that Dean already knows, surely some demon could have told him, then Castiel wouldn't have to be the one giving him the news.  
"The first seal had to be broken before any other, and you broke it."

"What?" Dean interrupts, looking as if he thinks it may be a lie.  
"The first seal was broken the same moment you took Alistair's offer, the second you started being the torturer and not the victim, the second when a righteous man shed blood in hell, that was the first seal. That's why we were trying to reach you, to stop it from happening."

Dean's face betrays no feeling at all, it looks like it could be the face of a statue, but Castiel can feel it, the storm that's starting to rage inside him. He can feel it all, chock, anger and pain, the pain that he has come to associate with this demon surfacing more than ever, and as sad as he is for Dean he can't help but be pleased with this reaction, is somehow would have been worse if he'd just been fine.

"But it happened", Dean says eventually, "why didn't you just leave me there? When I first heard the angels were on their way I'd been working for him for years."

"I imagine they tried to keep it quiet… " He's aware it doesn't answer Dean's question but he finds this to be a difficult conversation, it's strange, he has never been this reluctant to speak or had this hard to find the right words.

"You're special Dean, like Sam is chosen as hell's champion, you was chosen to be heaven's, you was supposed to be our human warrior. Even tainted by hell, we still had to save you, it's also said that the man who breaks the first seal is vital to stop it. It made you important in two ways, then this happened, you became a demon , rendering you useless to us, unable to fulfill any prophesy. If I had just reached you, before you left, I was so close, I could have saved you, cleansed you."

He realizes it's not just for Dean's sake he's been holding this back, he hasn't even been aware he blames himself but it seems like he does, these feelings isn't like anything he's ever felt before.

"Meg… She made me leave, made me come up a demon… She made me think you were there to hurt me", Dean says under his breath, Castiel wants to ask about it but can't really bring himself to do so. Dean is upset, he can see it all too clearly now, not just feel it and slowly the anger fades and is replaced by sorrow.

"All of this is because of me? Lucifer will break out and there will be a war, all because of me?" Dean's struggling to take control of himself and he absently buries his fingers in the hellhounds fur, almost like he's looking for comfort.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean asks, his voice almost a whisper and for a second Castiel thinks he's going to cry, can demons do that? He knows Dean is a demon, bloodthirsty with a fascinating darkness, but this, his fear of being the one who started it all and his guilt even though he couldn't possibly have known, it's so un-demonic, so utterly human that before Castiel knows what he's doing he has reached out and placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, offering the comfort he so desperately seems to crave.

"There was no need for you to know, it wouldn't have changed anything, but I'm sorry." He pulls on that grace inside of Dean, it's getting easier to control it. He tries to calm Dean's emotions, the way he did in the park, soothing the despair, the guilt and that always present pain, that pain, why can't it just go away?

Dean slowly relaxes and meets Castiel's eyes, the angel watches as those black bottomless eyes, so fascinating, beautiful even, turns to an even more beautiful green. The demon raises his arms and for a moment Castiel thinks he's going to pull him into a hug but then Jo's voice comes from outside the door.  
"Hey Dean! Bring your angel, there's a talking cat here who thinks he can help!"

Dean's hand change direction immediately and pushes Castiel's hand off his shoulder.  
"His not my angel", the demon says loudly as he opens the door, suddenly perfectly composed, without a glance backwards. Castiel wonders how he ever thought this creature might be close to crying.


	21. In which the talking cat has a name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember Morgan from chapter twelve? yeah, me neither...  
> Also, actual quotes from the show in this one, don't own.

"He's not my angel", Dean says as he walks out the door leaving Cass to follow. "And what do you mean talking cat?" he adds when he stops in front of Jo, he needn't have asked.

"Observant, aren't you?" a voice behind Jo says and he can see a black cat sitting with it's head slightly tilting to the side. Dean doesn't really know how to answer that, it feels like he's had way too many comments on his intellect today.

"This is Morgan", Ruby says before Dean just stops trying to come up with a response and kicks the damn animal instead. "He's the witch who helped us find out about the angels."

"And then a demon, wearing a lovely young woman, showed up on my doorstep demanding to know what you wanted, what I told you and were to find you."

"So you decided to become a cat and find us?" Jo asks as if she thinks that was an unusually stupid idea, Dean can't help but agree, you got to be stupid to come this close to a hellhound in a cat-shape, he thinks as he places his hand on Kira's head to keep her still and quiet, she's been closing in on Morgan and making some low predatory sound.

"Well, I thought since you were the ones to get me into this mess you should be responsible for getting me out of it", the cat responds.

"I think that brings everyone up to speed", Ruby interrupts. "Now, what was that spell you mentioned?"

"Oh, yes, I happen to be quite good at this demon stuff, I think I have the necessary spell, naturally not with me but with some help I think I'll be able to get it soon enough. I will probably acquire your assistance", he says, and he's only talking to Ruby.

The demon nods and starts following the cat who's just walked past Dean into the room. Only when she let's go of Jo's hand does Dean realize she's been holding it, Jo seems to realize it at the same time and a deep blush starts crawling up her cheeks.

"I… better go, I have… things to do", she says and a second later she has disappeared down the corridor to whatever non-existing thing she has to do, leaving Sam, Cass and Dean alone outside the room.

"I hate witches", Dean mutters but it does nothing to relieve the slightly awkward tension in the air.  
"Well, I should go, if we're staying here tonight we should probably put up some wards", Sam says.  
"Against demons?"  
"You'll just have to go around the devil's traps, and if you get stuck it's not like I won't let you out…"

"Yeah, you'd just stand there and laugh at me for an hour first", Dean mutters, Sam just smiles and that smile make Dean's heart (which should be non-existent by the way) just a little less heavy."

"Look on the bright side, if you're lucky Ruby could get caught in one and then  _you_  can laugh at her."  
"Probably wouldn't have the time, Jo would just let her out right away."  
"Oh, I don't know about that", Sam says suggestible and starts walking away, probably to set up a bunch of badly places devil's traps in their room, and leaves Dean to wonder why he didn't think of that line, his brother is getting ahead of him on these references, that's bad.

When he turns back to the angel he is met by piercing blue eyes and remembers how he almost hugged him, what was he thinking? Or is it that strange, two friends hugging? He can't really remember if it's supposed to be and when did he start to think of Cass as a friend anyway?

Then he remembers why he was about to hug Cass in the first place, it makes him shiver, with sorrow and anger, Meg and Alistair is going to pay for this, dearly, He pushes down the feelings, blocks the hatred and the urge to tear them to pieces (slowly) before the grace inside him decides to make him feel nauseous. It doesn't though, doesn't make him feel sick at all, it just hums with something that feels like music. It's almost like Sam's smile, takes the edge of everything, makes it bearable, and Dean's thoughts are returned to the hug that never was, he feels like he might need it.

He shakes his head to clear his mind and biting his lip in search for something to say at the same time.

"Guess you won't have to find that spell then", he says and nods to the closed door behind which to witches, one of the demon kind and one of the cat kind is doing god knows what to get some old magic book.

Cass doesn't answer, his head is tipped slightly to the side and he's watching Dean with an intense stare as is trying to figure something out and Dean suddenly remembers that this guy can read his feelings, which of course does nothing to ease the slight embarrassment that's been crawling up on him, he thinks he can understand why Jo just ran off, embarrassment is not a feeling he's used to handle.

"Cass…" he says trying to break the spell that seems to have frozen them.  
"No, I suppose I won't have to help with that", the angel says and the silence takes over again.

"It would… be nice if you still wanted to help with catching him though, he might be hard to overpower." He knows he shouldn't say this, Cass will stop him, stop him from killing Alistair in the very worst way possible, but maybe he wants to be stopped, he doesn't know anymore.

Castiel nods.  
"Of course, we still need to interrogate him, me and Uriel will be there, just call me when you're about to conduct the ritual."

"Yeah, see you then."  
Castiel reaches up with his hand again, placing over the handprint on Dean's arm, a shiver runs through the demon, just short, hardly noticeable and then it's gone, and so is the angel. Dean suddenly feels very alone, this weird feelings has to stop he decides, time to go and help Sam with the devil's traps.

Kira follows him and seems to be watching him with a concerned look. Should he tell Sam?

" _Doesn't have to be like this Dean, you can make it stop, just say yes. Just pick up the blade and I'll lay mine down."_

_Alistairs smile of triumph when he breaks._

He broke, the despair at the thought, it's almost human.

_Bela's pleading voice._

_"This isn't you Dean, you don't want to do this, what would Sam think if he saw you?"_

_Her wordless scream when he cuts her tongue out._

He can't let Sam know this, what will he say if he finds out about the torture, and then gets to know he broke the first seal? The look in his eyes, it'll be unbearable.

_"Just imagine what they will do to you once they have you. You're one of us now, Dean the demon."_

Meg will pay for this, the rage coursing through him at the thought of her, at the thought of Alistair…

_"The first seal had to be broken before any other, and you broke it. …when a righteous man shed blood in hell…"_

What is he thinking? Of course he has to tell Sam. The guilt over planning not to tell him mixes with the fear of actually doing it.

" _You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."_

Will he loose that? The love in Sam's eyes, or even worse, will the light in them disappear altogether? Will they be empty, like they were for a while after Jess? But Sam always thought he'd go this way, didn't he?

" _You might kill an innocent man, and you don't even care! You don't act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what? You're acting like one of those things out there."_

But then he wasn't able to shoot the guy, was he? The look in Sam's eyes stopped him, if he looked like that when he thought he was going to do it, what would he look like when it had actually happened? And that was just one guy, this is thousands of souls, and the end of the world thrown in for good measure.

But Sam will forgive him, he always does, it's how he is, he can get really angry but most of the time he's just too kind for his own good, he probably won't blame Dean at all.

And it's not like he hasn't seen what hell did to his big brother, he's seen the bloodlust, the way he's been tearing up demons.

But he has just got Sam to trust him, to accept that he has changed but still is Dean, this will make him rethink that.

He stops, suddenly realizing that he has arrived to his and Sam's room. He stands for a minute with his hand on the door handle, still unable to decide what he's going to do.

He realizes he can't just keep standing here, he has to go in. Still unsure of himself he opens the door and follows Kira in. They both almost walks into Sam who is painting a devil's trap in the roof, lucky enough he doesn't need to stand on a chair or anything to reach and is therefore able to step out of their way, otherwise there probably would have been a crash, involving a pencil with a lot of red paint.

"So what did you and  _Cass_  talk about?" Sam asks, god he wishes he hadn't made up that nickname, but Cass doesn't seem to mind…

"Nothing", he says and immediately regrets it and then a second later breathes a sigh of relief. He sits down on the bed, this is ridiculous, he can't go around and plan to tell him forever.

"You okay?" Sam asks and in the end it's his eyes that does it, the ones he's so afraid of, but they're so filled with concern that he just don't want to keep stuff from him anymore.

"No… Cass just told me I broke the first seal."  
"What?"

And he tells him, tells him about the torture, tells him about Alistair and his offer, tells him how he accepted it. He doesn't say exactly what he did to them, or what Alistair did to him, he just says it was bad, he tells him about forty years of hell in a few sentences. He repeats what Cass said, and for the second time that day he feels like he's going to cry, he doesn't of course.

He doesn't tell Sam about the deal he made with Meg, there are just so many confessions you can make in one day.

When he's done it takes a while before he dares to look at Sam, when he finally does he can see nothing of the disappointment he dreaded. Sam is looking at him with sorrow, there's some pity there too, but he tries to hide it cause he knows his brother don't want it. It's tears in his eyes, but he doesn't cry. None of them do, he wonders if they just have forgotten how to. This was never what he wanted for Sam he realizes, this pain and sorrow, he should never have pulled him back into it.

"Dean… " Sam's voice is steady even though it's not very loud. "It's not your fault, you couldn't have known and… anyone would have given in eventually."

He doesn't answer, (what is there to say?) but when he meets Sam's eyes again it's with more confidence, at least his brother doesn't hate him.

"The things I did…you wouldn't have recognized me, and what it turned out to mean for the rest of the world…"

He can't help but feel relieved that he feels this troubled over hurting Sam, it means he really cares, still. Sam bits his lip and for a second all Dean can see is a little boy named Sammy, wanting to take care of his big brother after he's been on a hunt and got injured, but holding back because he knows Dean doesn't like to be taken care of, that's his job, taking care of people.

After a seconds hesitation he does it anyway, he always did. The hug is precisely what Dean has needed since the conversation with Cass, something soft and human, someone who cares, comfort. He clings to Sam, lets himself relax for just a second.

"It doesn't matter Dean, it will be okay, we will make it okay."

Dean sleeps better that night, close to Kira with no nightmares, (or is it dreams?) of hell and the grace in him keeps singing slowly, if he didn't knew better he would think it felt like a lullaby.


	22. In which there is magic

Jo is sitting in the circle in an empty, pretty small sports hall, with one hand in Ruby's and the other one in Sam's, she knows she is supposed to focus on Alistair, make the demon appear before her but she finds her thoughts wandering.

Here they are sitting in a circle, two demons, a psychic, a witch and her, Jo, a hunter with way too little experience. She's been hunting for, what is it now? A year? Before that it's been all theory, reading about the monsters, practicing her shooting until it was as close to flawless as it would get without real live targets.

She can't help but wonder how she got into this situation, why she's still sticking around, what can she possible do in this team of super beings that has angels hiding behind the curtain and just waiting to take the stage as soon as the get Alistair here? What is her place?

When she really thinks about it she knows why she's here of course, it's important, she wants to help, it doesn't really matter if it looks like she's not needed, like there are people better suited, she wants to try, wants to do all she can.

The magic starts flowing, Ruby and Morgan are chanting in unison, the others are just concentrating, leading the power. Jo can feel it tingling through her body.

Then there's the gang of course, she's here because they are fun to hang with. They are broken and sad and miserable the lot of them, but they are still probably the only ones in the world she'd like to work with like this.

Thing are better when they're around, even Ruby has that effect, especially Ruby… Jo's never had a friend in that way, someone to hunt with that shares her taste for danger and love of rough attitude.

She never had anyone she can help like she can help Ruby either, she can make her smile, make her do something nice.

There's a new rush of magic, she can feel something is happening and as a cold wind begins to blow, Jo realizes that  _that's_  what she's here for, that's her place, to help them, all of them, but especially Ruby, to keep them as human as she possible can, keep them grounded with eyes fixed on the goal.

She smiles and tries to put all that humanity into the circle, focusing on summoning the real demon.

* * *

Ruby can feel the sudden power boast from Jo and it's a welcome addition, she's been struggling with this spell, it's been so long since she did anything like this and Morgan seems just as rusty, she wonders for a second if she will be able to use it, it's so light and warm and  _good_.

She needn't have worried, it's just a different kind of power, she can use it, just like she could when she was human, she just can't produce it anymore.

Before she knows what she's doing she's squeezes Jo's hand in a silent 'thank you' before she returns her focus to the chant and takes a steadier grip on Morgan's hand, he has returned to human form but only, he was very clear on this, for the ritual.

I didn't take long for her and Morgan to find the spell, the ingredients and learn the chant. They left Salem very soon after that and then they started the ritual as soon as it grown dark enough. No real practice, no double checking, there simply wasn't time, no one was patient enough for that.

Now it will just have to work, even though she just knows half of what she's doing, a spell this powerful, breaking through all defenses… She just hopes she knows how to handle it. At least the spell won't hurt anyone in the circle, she's confident about that.

The though sounds strange even in her head, when did she begin to consider that an important issue? Not so long ago the only thing that mattered was the outcome, everything else was just the means to an end, and the end always justified the means, scratch that, the means didn't need justifying, they just were and she couldn't care less.

Why do these things suddenly matter? It's Jo, of course it is, funny, tough, understanding, brave Jo…

She doesn't have time to think more about it because right then she can feel the magic multiplying and something coming rushing into the circle, she just has time to realize that something has gone very wrong before she blacks out by the sheer power.


	23. In which there is more magic (kind of)

The hum of magic flowing through the circle, and tingling in a strange way when it comes into contact with Castiel's grace inside him, is suddenly gone and Dean immediately opens his eyes.

Ruby and that new dude, witch, cat, whatever, is lying on the floor right next to him. On his other side Sam is looking around, analyzing the situation.

And the room is filled with demons.

There's maybe ten of them and they all feel pretty powerful. Then Dean's brain stops registering things and switch to some kind of restart that leaves him absolutely frozen for a second, because Alistair is there.

It will always be a wonder for Dean how the mere sight of this creature can fill him with this kind of anger, how did he manage in hell without tearing this bastard to pieces? Maybe he was afraid, maybe he knew he couldn't win.

None of this is stopping him now. He remembers that he's supposed to move, do something, and in a second he is on his feet, dragging Sam up as he goes and then pushes him out of the way, away from Alistair, and away from himself, the anger and hatred already makes it hard to focus, what if Sam gets between him and Alistair? He doesn't know if he can hurt Sam, if it's physically possible due to the deal, but he would like not to find out.

He strikes out with his powers against Alistair but his old master barely seems to notice, he notices Dean though, starts to make his way across the room and Dean finds himself taking a few steps back before he knows what he's doing.

Chaos has erupted in the hall, Jo is standing over Ruby, who seems to be waking up, and fighting two demons at once, Morgan is suddenly gone and Dean sees a black cat flee the building. "Witches…" he mutters under his breath but he doesn't really remember what it is supposed to mean.

Kira is fighting to get to him, tearing at her opponent's clothes and trying to get to their necks. Then there's a bright light as two angels join the battle, for a second Dean thinks that will be it, but Cass and Uriel are just two and the demons are many, if they are winning they aren't winning fast enough.

Then there is Sam, he's exorcising a demon and holding another one off with that psychic stuff, but there are more of them coming his way and he looks tired. This is what makes Dean snap out of his passive state. He throws himself at a demon that is on her way to attack his brother and loses himself in fighting for a second.

He looks around for the colt, desperation creeping up on him, Sam had it, why isn't he using it, where is it? Then he realizes Sam's jacket is still on the floor, the gun is probably lying under it, when he dragged Sam up and pushed him away he hadn't time to pick it up.

Why does he have to be so overprotective? It's not like Sam couldn't have handled himself, at this state he is actually way more powerful than Dean, and if his big brother hadn't been so stupid he'd also have a demon killing gun.

Dean dives for the jacket but before he can reach it an unstoppable force grabs him and throws him into the wall, Alistair of course. He thinks he loses conscience for a moment because when he opens his eyes again the room looks different.

Ruby and Jo are fighting one demon together and Sam is on his way to help them finish it off. Cass and Uriel are just blasting the remaining ones into oblivion.

Then there is Alistair, he's not looking at Dean anymore, his eyes are fixed on a spot just in front of him, it takes a moment for Dean to see what he is focusing on. The knife, Ruby's demon-killing knife, is floating in the air between them.

Jo must have lost it in the battle, how come no one gets to hold on to their weapons today? Then he tries to move, but still dizzy from the hit he has difficulties finding his balance, Alistair just smiles.

"This was stupid, Dean, so very stupid."  
The knife floats a little higher in the air, then there are two screams from the only two in the room who seems to have noticed Dean's current situation. Cass and Sam simultaneously shout "Dean!" and the terror in their faces is the last thing Dean sees before the knife starts flying against him.

He blinks, it's a reflex really, but there is still no way he would be able to move, maybe Alistair is holding him here? He waits for the impact, waits for the only blade he has ever heard of that can actually kill him, but it never comes. It takes him a moment to realize why. Kira has thrown herself in the way and the knife is buried to the hilt in her side, Dean finds himself hoping it's her upper leg rather than her chest but he doesn't get a good look before she falls over and he can't see the wound at all.

Then it seems everyone in the room realizes what happened and all of them attacks Alistair at the same time, Sam, Ruby and the angels are struggling to hold him with their powers and Dean wonders how they will ever take out Lilith if they have this sort of trouble holding Alistair in place, but suddenly he can move and that has to mean it's working somewhat.

"Hold still or I'll shoot!"  
All eyes in the room are drawn to Jo, she's holding the colt in a steady grip and is aiming it at Alistair.  
"I'm the best shot in this room, I won't miss."

The fact is that no one would miss at that distance and Alistair knows it, he freezes, Dean forgotten and eyes locked on the gun.

"How did you get that?" He asks and he seems more interested than scared which makes Dean a little angry.  
"We're asking the questions", he says and then ads to the rest of the group. "I'll paint a devil's trap to hold this bastard in place.

"No Dean, I can take care of it", Cass says and starts doing just that, on the first open space he can find. Dean, suddenly feeling useless, just stares at Alistair and longs to cut him open, he wishes he had that knife. Then he remembers, the knife, Kira.

He rushes over to the hellhound and examines her, the knife is buried deep but he can't tell if it has hit anything important, he knows too little about dogs he supposes. At least she's still alive, her breathing is rushed and she whines and twists when Dean lays his hands on her to pull out the knife. The fur is soaked in blood, black blood.

"Shh, be still, that's it, good girl, you're gonna be fine."  
He keeps mumbling reassurances as he carefully pulls the blade out but she still twists and lets out a small terrible noise. He hopes he isn't making it worse, but he really needs the knife, she probably understands.

"Stay still, I'll be right back", he says and hopes that no one hears him before he turns around to have a staring contest with Alistair.

When the devil's trap is made they tie him up, hard, with iron chains and throw him into it.

"So you called in the heavy artillery, did you Dean? Think the angels can do everything you can't?"  
He knows he shouldn't be provoked by him but as soon as Dean hears that voice his vision turns red.

"Oh, I'll show you just what I can do", he says and takes a step forward, his hand gripping the knife tightly. He can almost taste it, the satisfaction that will wash over him if he just gets to cut into Alistair, repay him for thirty years on the rack, and for everything that happened after that.

"Actually Dean is here on our request and has no importance what so ever", Uriel says and takes a step forward. Dean realizes he doesn't like this guy at all, it's not like he did any work at all with actually bringing the demons here.

"I see, looks like there's more than one dog in the room then", Alistair says with a mocking tone but this time it doesn't make Dean angry, it makes his eyes flicker to Kira, what's wrong with him, worrying about a hellhound?

No Alistair's words doesn't feed his anger this time, it's his actions, he looks at Kira and her blood is still seeping down on the floor,  _that_ makes him angry.

"I'll kill you", he states in a cold voice, "but first I'm going to make you beg for it, and then I'm going to keep you alive until you don't remember anything but pain."

He starts walking forward as he speaks and then suddenly there's a hand on his shoulder, a hand that makes the grace inside him shiver and that brand on his arm tingle.

"Dean", is all Cass says but it's forceful, yet Dean can't decide if it's a warning or a request. He turns to look into cold blue eyes. It is a request he realizes, Cass is asking him not to do this, to step back. They are still forceful though, no begging.

"He might be useful, torture is a skill after all, and has to be learned", Uriel says as he understands that Cass is trying to stop Dean.

"I am confident that if no one else can do it, Michael can make him submit. We do not want demons to be the receivers of potentially important information, at least not without consulting our superiors", Cass says, he never breaks eye contact with Dean and it's easy to see this is not the reason he is trying to stop him.

"Hey, we helped catch this bastard, we should get to know what he knows", Sam says in a mildly upset voice.  
"You will be told everything that concerns you." Cass' eyes leaves Deans for second to lock on Sam's. "Do you want your brother to do this?"

"Of course not", Sam says and then doesn't seem to know how to continue.  
"Then my suggestion is not particularly bad."

"Maybe I think it is, I think Sam is right, we have as much right to this monster as you do", Dean says, his hands are practically itching to beat Alistair until they are covered in blood and he doesn't want to be bossed around by Cass, it's principle, he can't just do whatever this damned angel tells him to.

He starts to push Cass out of the way but the angel's fingers flexes on his shoulder and suddenly they are in the far corner of the hall, just out of earshot from the others.

Cass' eyes lock on his again and there is some frustration and some sadness in them.  
"I thought you wanted to stop this, try to be more human, no more torture", he says.  
"And I told you, Alistair is different, he deserves it."

"It is not a question of however he deserves it or not, you know that."  
The angel is uncomfortably close now and Dean's pulse starts to rise, it's something about the intensity in Cass' eyes, it's like… like… something adrenaline-filled, like running through a fire, or have lightning strike down all around you or… it's like falling he decides finally, like falling fast against an unknown destination.

He can't bring himself to take a step back or look away, that would be like some kind of submission, right? That's why he can't back off, because it's not like the angel's eyes are keeping him there, making it impossible to move.

"Dean?" Cass says after a while and there's concern in his voice that makes Dean remember the terror he showed when Alistair threw the knife at him. He blinks when he realizes that this creature actually cares for him, would protect him and fear his death. It almost makes him smile before he catches himself and remembers that he's supposed to say something.

"I… you know what he did to me", he says but there's not the same force behind it anymore.  
"Do you mean you are no better than him then? You have a chance to change Dean, take it."

He pauses when he sees that Dean's eyes are flickering to Alistair and when he speaks again his voice is low.  
"You'd make Sam disappointed."  
Those are his exact words, they are true of course, but it's not what his eyes are saying, his eyes are saying 'you'd make me disappointed' and Dean doesn't know why that stops his thinking for a second.

He looks into those eyes and sees the sadness there and he realizes he can't do it, can't feel Cass' disappointed eyes on him or feel the grace inside him twist in disgust or hear the critic in that voice. It makes him angry to realize that, so terribly angry, but he still backs down.

"We're leaving", he says out loud, catching Sam and the other's attention, and without a second glance at Cass he walks over to Kira, lifts her up and walks out the door. He doesn't care to look if anyone is following him, and it's not until he places Kira in the car that he realizes she's quiet, haven't given a single sound, and her breathing is way too shallow. He wishes he'd been more careful when he picked her up.

The others join him of course, and there's a quick quiet drive to a nearby motel. There's not much talking, everyone has taken some kind of beating and spirit of the group is not very high. Sam seems to have gotten of lightly with just a few bruises, Ruby is tired from something, the magic or whatever but is otherwise okay, Jo is the worst with a few broken ribs and a nasty-looking wound across the shoulder.

Dean doesn't really notice his own condition, he thinks he's okay, pretty much, but Kira… Kira is dying. He lays her down on the bed and starts washing off the blood.

"Is it bad?" Sam asks, not being able to see the hellhound. Dean simply nods.  
"Very", Ruby confirms when Sam looks like he's about to press the issue.

"Maybe we can heal her, Ruby could work some magic or something."  
"Come on, look at her, she's not gonna live, and it's not like Ruby knows anything of healing anyway", Dean says and he knows he's being harsh but he also knows Ruby would have mentioned it by now if she could help.

"He's right, and even if I could it will be days before I can work anymore magic", she says and leans on Jo for support and then quickly moves away when Jo yelps as she comes into contact with her injured shoulder.

Dean simply continues to clear the blood from Kira's tick black fur. Sam mumbles some excuse and starts moving against the door, wanting to leave his brother alone no doubt.

"Let's check out our room and take care of the living", Ruby says after a deep sigh and she and Jo starts moving out too. Then there's just Dean and Kira in the small motel-room, quiet save for the hellhound's shallow breathing.

She did this to protect him, he is grateful for that, he realizes. It's nice to know that someone cares about him. Then he realizes how absurd that thought is, she doesn't care, she's bound to him by magic, he wonders where she would be if she wasn't, he likes to think she would still be here. What's wrong with him today, getting all sentimental?

But Sam isn't bound to him, and neither is Cass, and they still cared, he's pretty sure Jo would have cared had she noticed, he doesn't know about Ruby though, you never know about Ruby. He had expected Sam to care, he is his brother after all, and Sam cares about almost everyone, but it's nice to have proof, to know he is still as important to Sam as he used to be, well, close enough anyway.

Then there is Cass, Castiel, the blue-eyed angel who healed him, read his feelings and cares about him. It still makes him angry that Cass can make him back down with just a look and a few words but now he can see that maybe this was a little good, technically he had a choice and choose not to, it makes him feel a little more human, it feels good, as does taking care of Kira, but it doesn't give him any real satisfaction because she will be gone soon and that makes him, somehow, sad.

He senses Cass before he hears his arrival.  
"We will start question Alistair shortly", he says after a long moment of silence.  
"Then what are you doing here?" Dean asks and for a second he is sure the angel is going to bit his lip in some nervous manner, but of course he doesn't, this is Cass after all, Cass never has any facial expressions, well, almost never, Dean thinks and remembers the fear on his face when Alistair aimed the knife at him.

"Heal her", he says suddenly, a little light of hope for Kira lighting up inside him.  
"You want me to save the life of your demon dog?" Cass wonders but there's no hint of what he's thinking in his voice.

"You healed me, what's the difference?"  
Cass' eyes are studying him very closely and Dean gets the feeling the angel is going through his emotions again.

"Don't do that", he mutters but he's to concentrated on Kira to bother to put any real force behind it.  
"I will heal her if you tell me why", Cass finally says.  
"Why what?"  
"Why do you want me to heal her?"

Dean's finger flexes in Kira's fur, they are wet with blood.  
"She's useful, good to have in a fight, follows no one but me…"  
Cass tilts his head slightly to the side.

"I can tell when you're not telling the truth, Dean."  
"I'm not lying."  
"I never said you were."

Dean considers this, consider why he really wants to save Kira, and then he realizes he's been an idiot. He's gone on and on all evening about that there's something seriously wrong about worrying about her when it really is the other way around, why shouldn't he care about her, what's wrong with caring about a pet, it's very human after all, and that is what he wants, right?

"I don't want her to be dead", he says at last. "She's fun to have around, I would be sad if she was dead, I  _am_  sad, that she's hurt. That better? I don't do these girly moments well, but you get what I mean?"

Cass simply nods and lays a reassuring hand on Dean's arm before moving on to Kira, he lays his hand on her and a second later she yelps and the wound is gone, but she doesn't move.

"She will be tired for a while, but she will be alive, as alive as she was in the first place anyway."  
The last part startles Dean, Cass attempting humor? He thinks he can even see a little smile on the angel's lips but then it's gone he isn't sure it was there to begin with.

"Thank you", he says and that impulse to pull Cass into a hug pops into his head again, he doesn't, of course.

"See, you do care, you're making progress Dean", Cass says and then he's gone, just like that. Dean sits down on the bed next to a calmly sleeping Kira and wonders over the tingling feeling the angel seems to leave behind even when he has left the room these days.


	24. In which there (technically) is an archangel

Castiel is standing in the empty cave that they have moved Alistair to, finding the sports-hall a little too noticeable. He is frustrated.

The second he realizes that he gets a feeling of unease, he used to have so much patience, a couple of hundred years of waiting wouldn't bother him, but now he just wants Alistair to tell them what he knows so that he can go and help Dean save the world, sooner rather than later. He is very tired of waiting.

They have been here for hours, trying to make the demon tell them where Lilith is, what she's planning, and of course, how she is killing their brothers and sisters. It might seem naïve, but before it started happening Castiel didn't knew angels could die.

Not that he has ever thought about it, but if he had he would have simply assumed that no one but their father could kill them, but now he has to rethink that theory, because he is sure that God has nothing to do with these killings. That doesn't mean he is as sure as Uriel that Lilith is behind them though.

"No more? Getting tired boys? It's okay, I can take a nap while you decide on some other painfully boring torture." Alistair says when the break in the torture has dragged on for half an hour.

Uriel laches out with his power and twists something inside the demon. Alistair starts yelling, it's a horrible scream, Castiel wonders how he makes his human vessel sound like that.

"Stop it, please stop it, I'll tell you everything!" Uriel draws back the power a little and Castiel who has been standing a bit away quickly steps closer, he does not want to miss anything of importance.

Then Alistair starts laughing, the laugh is perhaps more unsettling than the scream.  
"The look on your faces, I had almost started to think you couldn't look anything else than boring but I actually had you there." He keeps laughing quietly to himself and then starts singing a song.

Castiel feels a sudden need to hurt Alistair again, since when is he this keen to anger? He doesn't of course, it is pointless and he should have known that. They've tried everything they can think of in these last couple of hours, but nothing seems to bother Alistair, once they had him twisting uncomfortably and coughing but that is as far as they have gotten.

It is not that they don't know torture, they have been around for so many years and seen so many things, and heaven has its' own kind of punishments. It is Alistair, he is an exceptionally strong demon, Castiel is doubtful that he could even restrain him if he broke loose, and most demons he can just vanquish with a thought.

"He will be here shortly", Castiel says, he is reassuring himself as much as Uriel. As soon as he says it he can feel it, suddenly the air gets warmer and the brightness is stunning. Michael cannot take physical form on this plane but he is still powerful and can still hurt a demon like Alistair. He doesn't ask the questions, he just turn all his power on Alistair who starts screaming again, this time Castiel is quite sure it's not for show.

This is what they have been waiting for of course, Michael to arrive and make Alistair talk. Uriel wastes no time.

"How is she killing our brothers?" he asks as Alistair's scream starts to fade a little. "And where is she?" Castiel fills in. He wants to know why the angels die, of course he wants to, but he thinks finishing the actual war is just as important.

It doesn't seem that Alistair cares about his question though, he just watches Uriel with a defiant look but it shows pain, it is a step forward from the smug smiles they have been getting so far.  
"Even if I knew I wouldn't tell you. "

Then he starts screaming again and after a while the screams starts to be words.  
"I don't know, and I would know if it was Lilith."  
"You're lying!" Uriel shouts.  
"If Lilith knew how to kill angels this war would already be over", Alistair says and the screaming eases of a little, clearly at least Michael beliefs him.

Castiel is not sure the war would be over but he must confess that the demon has a point, unless it is terribly difficult to kill angels, which is not, when he thinks about it, unlikely. This doesn't help him at all.

"Where is Lilith?" he asks again.  
"I don't know", Alistair says while breathing heavily. "She was in Minnesota yesterday but she moves around, she wouldn't stay in the same place when she knows I've been captured. You have given her all the time she needs to be anywhere in the country. You'll never catch her."

He's smiling now and so is Uriel, but the angel's smile is so grim it could have been the devil's. And then Alistair starts screaming again.

* * *

"Ruby has a plan", Jo says as she storms into the room with Ruby closely behind her. Sam looks up from his computer and then over at Dean's bed. His brother is still asleep, with one arm casually draped over Kira, at least Sam assumes it's Kira, otherwise his arm is just resting on thin air.

"Dean", he says and throws a pillow at the sleeping demon. Dean is awake in a second and jumps up reaching for a weapon before he freezes and looks around in the room. Hunter reflexes are hard to get rid of it seems. Sam can hear Kira growling somewhere on the bed.

"Gathered the war council without me?" Dean says and he sounds a little left out but Sam can see it's just a front, his mind seems to be floating off now that he's not on high alert anymore, he seems to be thinking about something.

There's a short silence but no one has the energy to say anything that's probably going to lead to an argument.

"Ruby has a plan", Jo says again.  
"Oh really?" Dean says sarcastically and now he's suddenly all there.

"I think we can use Meg", Ruby says.  
"Wasn't that the plan all along? Getting information from her?"

"Yes, but I think we could go for a more direct approach. Crowley isn't going to help us and your angel friend left with our only lead, so I figured we should just lock Meg in a nice little devil's trap and make her tell us what she knows."

"You know what, that sounds like a good idea, it really does but I can't help but wonder if that's exactly how it's supposed to sound."

"Of course it's supposed to sound like a good idea, it is a good idea", Ruby says and totally ignoring the hint that must be as obvious to her as it is to Sam.

"You realize Meg was the reason we didn't find Alistair in Salem, and the reason a demon got into our room, Crowley could have just killed us just as well as handing us the colt, Meg didn't knew he was going to do that."

"Meg is the reason we knew about Salem in the first place, and all this is just better reasons to take her in for questioning, if my little play isn't working it's just as well to stop her."

"But what if she was supposed to tell Crowley where to be, what if you are playing us instead of Meg? We've never seen these secret meetings have we? And you were the one that cast the spell to drag Alistair here but got a room full of demons, and somehow you managed to make it out of there okay even though you could hardly fight."

"I never would have if Jo hadn't been there!"  
"And now you want us to kill your demon contact before we get to her and can make her talk."  
"I said we should interrogate her! Way to go with a cover up…"  
"She's probably going to have an accident…"  
"You're being ridiculous, woke up on the wrong side?"

Sam steps in between them to stop what could soon be a bloodbath but Jo's faster.

"That's enough!" she shouts and Ruby takes a little step back but she's still glaring at Dean. Dean opens his mouth to speak but finds that everyone is glaring at him and thinks better of it.

"Ruby's not a traitor, get it, she's not. You'll just have to deal with that she's on our team", Jo says and her voice is dangerously angry.  
Sam wonders when she got that confident about that. He has trusted Ruby with his life, mostly because she has saved it so many times, but he's not really sure what her motives are, what she wants, he is sure she's on their side, he's just not sure why or how long.

"She has helped us, all the time, you have no reason to treat her like that. If you're not going to help us catch Meg because you can't handle that you're not the only good demon, then the two of us will just go alone."

When Dean talks again he doesn't sound or look angry, just… tired, Sam thinks his brother looks like he feels. It takes a lot out of you, having strange psychic powers, the happiness of Dean returning mixed with the horror of him being a demon, having to make all the decisions.

It's always him that gets to do that, Dean and Ruby will argue and Jo will come with inputs but in the end they will all look to him, because they all follow him, because no matter how much Dean and Ruby argues and thinks this or that is right, they are both there because of him, and in the end of the day, where he leads they follow. What if he leads them wrong?

"She's hiding something."  
"You are all hiding something, what makes her secrets more dangerous than yours?"

Sam notices that, how Jo doesn't put herself in with the ones with the secrets, he wonders if it's true.

"She's a demon."  
"So are you, and you are the one with the hellhound."

Dean just nods and the tired feeling spreads through the room, Sam can feel it, no great plans are being born here.

"So how are we attacking this bitch?" he says, better get them to do something good before another fight breaks loose.  
"I'll call her, she'll come, possibly with back up, she might suspect something after the Salem incident, and we'll catch her", Ruby says and Sam sees his fears coming true.

"If she brings back up she will have planned for the four of us, how are we going to beat that?" he asks. Ruby turns directly to him as she answers, here it is again, she thinks he's the only one she actually has to convince.

"We have beaten the odds before."  
"She might have heard of Morgan as well and is planning for him too. You still haven't heard from him?"

"No, but she probably doesn't know he's been helping us either, for that news would have to travel very fast and all this is just speculation, she might not have planned for anything but me."

"She won't have planned for an angel, right?" Dean says. "We'll take her, I' starting to like this plan, but we have to move fast."

"Precisely, that should work, she wouldn't suspect they would help us with her." And just like that, Ruby and Dean are agreeing. They are all looking at him now, waiting for his consent, and ready to do more convincing if he doesn't give it. He doesn't need much convincing though, like the others he is anxious to do something and this demon bitch is guilty of way too much. There's just one little detail.

"The angel, Castiel, will he come? You are sure he'll help us?"

"He'll come", Dean says and a small smile is playing on his lips, it's not an evil smile in the 'I'll make him regret it otherwise' way, it's the kind of smile you get when you have a secret. Not the 'I have a dangerous angel protecting me' kind of secret, more the 'I have a cute kitten hidden in my room and you'll never find out' kind of secret.

Sam decides he never saw that smile because it's gone a second later and he has so many other things to worry about.

* * *

"I saw you talking to Dean, you like to think he listens to you? You trust him, if you only knew that you can never trust him. That boy is mine, he was mine long before you got to him and I broke him."

Castiel carefully looks around, there is no doubt Alistair is talking to him but he likes to know who else can hear this. Michael has left a long time ago, Uriel went with him, they are getting someone else to watch the demon so that Uriel and Castiel can continue their mission. He's alone with Alistair.

"You seem to have trouble controlling him", Castiel says carefully, he doesn't want to listen to this, not really, but it's about Dean and that makes him curious. Curious, what is it with all these feelings, they are just washing over him.

"I don't need to do that, Meg is doing it for me. He made a deal, he made a deal and you don't even know it. You never wondered why he sticks to Sam, how he got out of hell? Did you think he simply was such a strong honorable demon, you should have seen him working for me, such beautiful work. He would never stick to Sam if he didn't have to, that's the deal you see. To protect hell's champion, the chosen one, the one to set Lucifer free. That's how he got out, and I'm sure Sam doesn't even know, I wonder what will happen when he doesn't have to do that anymore…"

The shock mixed with the understanding washes over him. Dean… Did Dean really do this? Of course he did.

" _What do you know about demon deals?" "What makes a demon keep his side of the deal?"_

He should have understood, should have known what Dean was asking about, should have known there was something more to it.

He hears Dean's voice calling him in his mind, asking for help. He stays where he is. He needs to think.


	25. In which there are tears

Ruby is standing in the forest over the summoning sigil. They have chosen this location for many reasons, it's off and the risk of hurting civilians is close to zero, and it provides a lot of hiding places.

She can't see Sam or Dean, but she knows they are somewhere behind her, she can see Jo though, and they share a look before Ruby starts chanting.

They haven't heard from the angel which has postponed this plan a couple of days but eventually they decided they would have to go with it anyway, especially if they couldn't get in contact with the angels and thereby get information from Alistair, Dean seems mad about it, the betrayed kind of mad.

So here they are, in a last desperate attempt to get to Lilith and they can't wait any longer, Meg will know something's off if she waits until it's safe, until they have enough firepower.

She appears almost instantly, Ruby still has a couple of words left of the summoning.

"I didn't think I'd see you again."  
"You thought Crowley was going to finish me off?"  
"He said he was going to use you, I figured you'd be out of my jurisdiction."

She looks tired, like something's happened, maybe she has a lot of things to do now when Alistair is off the board.

"I haven't heard from him, something happened?" Ruby asks, it's harder than she anticipated to get Meg to the devil's trap they have hidden under fallen leafs, she seems reluctant to move.

"Yes, Alistair is missing, you know something about that?"

Ruby hesitates for a second, if Meg somehow escapes this information could be dangerous in her hands, but then the demons they exorcised just went to hell, they must have left a report by now and Meg is just testing her. Not worth the risk.

"Yes, the Winchesters captured him, I know where he is, if he's important I can take you to him." This is it, win her trust, make her think you take risks because of her. Ruby could have done that, a long time ago, maybe Meg remembers it. Of course, that didn't end well.

"So you helped them capture Alistair but you'll not capture me?"  
"I didn't have much choice, I need to keep up appearances."

"Of course you do." Her voice is ironic but she has started moving now, on her way over to Ruby, then she suddenly freezes. "Always the betrayer, aren't you Ruby", she says and dives to the side at the same time as she strikes with her power into the forest behind Ruby, she's probably sensing Dean's presence, or maybe Sam's, he has started to feel a little strange lately, less human, she could be picking up on that.

Anyway it doesn't matter, there are four of them and only one of her, Sam is standing up and aiming the gun at her, and Jo is carefully jumping down from the tree wielding the knife. Dean is nowhere to be seen, probably circling around to cut off her escape route.

Meg seems rabid, she's looking at the gun in Sam's hand with pure hatred.  
"Crowely", she hisses, and it sounds like the most powerful curse in the world.

Ruby carefully steps closer, Meg seems crazed and she doesn't want her to do anything stupid.

"Step into the circle Meg."  
No reaction.  
"Eri…"

Then she laughs, it's cold.  
"Did you really think I would just walk into this Ruby? Did you think you could trick me? I gave you a chance, but that was all it was, a chance to join me. Now when you turned it down I can finally kill you, this is what I wanted all along, don't you see?"

And suddenly the forest is swarming with hellhounds. She tries to shout a warning, but it's too late, Sam and Jo has already been thrown to the ground, tackled by an enemy they can't see. Dean is fighting to get to Sam and one of the hellhounds is fighting alongside him, but Kira is up against far too many of her siblings and they're losing fast. Ruby throws herself at Meg, this has to end, now.

* * *

When Jo feels claws tackling her and a heavy furry body pressing her down it takes her a moment to understand that it's a hellhound. First she thinks it's Kira but then she realizes how this fits in with Meg's crazy speech and she stabs into the dog where she thinks the neck should be, but not before it sinks its teeth into her shoulder.

She cries out, but the teeth lose their grip as the hellhound dies and just becomes a heavy weight covering her. For a second she considers staying there, playing dead, protected by the dead body, what can she really do against enemies she can't see? She can hear them, there are many of them.

Then she sees Ruby in close combat with Meg, she can't decide if she's trying to drag her into the devil's trap or just trying to kill her but it looks dangerous, she sees Sam rolling around at the forest floor, he seems to be hurt. Dean is trying to get to him but he's making slow progress.

She realizes she can't just leave them and tries to push the hellhound of her, it's too heavy so she goes for the crawling out from under it instead, all the while slashing with the knife in front of her.

When she gets up Dean has reached Sam, and they are both fighting like possessed. She runs to help Ruby, at first her plan is clear, she's going to push them both into the devil's trap, but then she realizes it will be impossible to get Ruby out without giving Meg a chance at escaping, will she survive in there with that demon bitch?

Jo changes her plan then, kill or seriously hurt Meg, that has to be the best way to go. She has just gotten a few feet when she feels teeth in her right leg, she slashes at the hellhound and keeps fighting, it's just as hard as she thought it would be and she starts to get pretty torn.

"Jo!"  
It's Ruby of course, she has abandoned the fight with Meg and is instead trying to get to Jo, but Meg is still holding her back. Jo doubles her efforts, if she can just get to Ruby they will be safer, when one of them can see the enemies, the same kind of advantage Sam and Dean are using at the moment.

If she just can be fighting beside Ruby, they've done it before and they are awesome together, it's like they were made to be  _the_  awesome tag team, it's like their movements fit together, if she can just get to her, they will be safe.

Then a particularly hard blow gets her down on her back. She fight with all she has to get up, she can't be on the ground, like this she'll be eaten in no time. When she gets up things have changed, Ruby is closer to her now, but they still can't cover that last distance that would make everything so much easier.

Meg is over by Sam and Dean now, but Jo can't see exactly what's going on, she's too busy with the hellhounds and trying to get to Ruby, it feels like she's drowning in growls and claws but the panic is starting to fade away and give way for the familiar feeling of fighting, just flowing with the motions of the battle, she starts to relax and suddenly it's much easier to hear and feel where the hellhounds are.

Then a single scream makes the battle stop for an eternal second.  
"Jo!"  
It's Ruby again, but this time it's a scream that makes the blood freeze in her veins. Jo looks up but at first the only thing she sees is Ruby's terrified face, then she realizes the danger. Meg is standing just a few yards away and she's holding the colt, aiming it at Jo.

"This will hurt you, won't it Ruby?"  
And she fires, but Jo isn't in the bullets way anymore, Ruby is, she is in front of Jo, blocking the shot, how she got there that fast is a mystery, and then Sam and Dean are all over Meg, trying to get the gun away from her.

Jo doesn't notice, doesn't really notice the fight, doesn't notice the claws and teeth that reach her, she just runs to Ruby, killing the invisible dogs as she goes. Within a second she is at her side.

The bullet is in her stomach and little sparks of light surrounds the wound. She's still alive but her breathing is uneven. Then Meg is there again.

"See, I was right Ruby, first I planned on going for Sam, him being your big plan and all, but then it wasn't him you were trying to save. I didn't see this coming though, you have really gone stupid, don't you know it doesn't work? Taking the hit for someone else, we always get them anyway."

She aims the gun at Jo again, and Jo squeezes Ruby's hand for a second before she prepares to run.  
"You better call them off, Meg", a voice behind her suddenly says. "Don't you know I have plans for these boys?"

"You gave them the colt", Meg spits out and Jo turns to find Crowley standing in the forest, the hellhounds doesn't seem to bother him, now when she thinks about it they seem to have stopped bothering her too the latest few seconds.

"I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Don't play games with me Crowley, when Lilith finds out about this there will be blood."  
"She's not going to hear a word."

And then there is howling and deep growls and Meg is screaming. It sounds like the hellhounds have turned on each other and on Meg, but Sam and Dean seems, just like Jo, to be untouched by the battle. That's all she needs to know, that they are safe for the moment, and all her attention returns to Ruby.

"There is a letter for you", the demon says, she sounds strangely hoarse.  
"What?"  
"In my pocket, there's a letter, just in case, seems it was a good idea."

Jo want's to tell her not to be stupid, that she's going to live, but that's the downside to being a hunter with a dying demon in her arms, it wouldn't fool any of them, and so it's useless.

"Guess this is good bye", Ruby says, there's a smile on her lips, but it doesn't reach her eyes.  
"Guess so."

"Well, it was good while it lasted… no it wasn't, but you were, you were… I." She seems to have trouble talking but Jo can't tell if it's emotional or simply because she's dying.

A single tear forms in Jo's eyes and lands on Ruby's cheek, then another and then on an impulse she bends down and slowly presses her lips against Ruby's, they are warm, like a fewer has taken her, and there's something wet, she realizes it's her tears.

She doesn't know what it is, maybe it's just goodbye.  
"I'll miss you", she whispers and looks deep into black eyes.

"You were awesome, you were always awesome", Ruby says and Jo watches as her eyes shift back to human form and the stressed breathing stops and she's just holding the limp body of some young woman she doesn't know the name of, and there are no more tears.

She sits like that for a while until a loud shot is heard and she looks up, Dean is standing holding the colt and on the ground Meg twists a few seconds before going still, a bullet hole in her head. Jo realizes she would have liked to be the one to pull that trigger, she would have liked to tear Meg limb from limb.

"Well, I think that finishes this chapter, don't you think?" Crowley says with a smile.  
"We didn't find out anything", Jo says and it strikes her how meaningless this mission was.

"I thought I told you to kill Lilith, not her pets."  
"We, got to know where the bitch is first, don't we? It's not like you told us where she's hiding", Dean says and now he's aiming the gun at Crowley.

"Do I have to do everything myself? Didn't I indicate that going after Alistair was a bad idea? I've been busy trying to clean up your mess, if I didn't, maybe I could have helped."

"Going after Alistair went just fine, thank you."  
"Really? And where is he now?"

An uncomfortable silence spreads around them.  
"Let him be Dean, it he can help us get to Lilith we might as well work with him."  
Sam sounds tired, Jo doesn't get it, she doesn't feel tired, she feels like there is a cold fire burning in her veins, like she can do anything, like she is immortal, but she agrees, anything to get to Lilith.

"While you've been busy with all this running around after second class demons you have left Lilith to do as she likes, there aren't that many seals left."

"Then why don't you just tell us where she is?" Sam asks.  
"Because I can't give you Lilith's location, she has a squad around her and she moves around, you'd never get close enough."

"So how are we going to get to her?"  
"You have to know where she will be, where she will go."  
"How do we know that?"

"You'll have to draw her out obliviously, do something to draw attention to yourselves, you're the messiah with still quite the following downstairs, just start something spectacular and she'll come running. Lilith is Lucifer's closest but you're the prince of hell, you should be able to do something."

Sam looks uncomfortable to say the least.  
"We don't have that many demon contacts anymore", he says and nod's to Ruby's dead host.

"I'd gladly help you, but sorry, no time for that, have to keep on the queens good side."  
"In case she happens to win? Cause it doesn't seem like it's helping us much."

"Have fun boys."  
And there's just empty air where he stood.

"Let set this lot on fire or something", Dean says and waves to indicate their surroundings, presumably the hellhounds.  
"And then we have some wounds to take care of, Jo can you stand?" Sam asks and offers her a hand, she gets up without it.

"I'm okay, how many are they?" she asks Dean.  
"Fifteen or so still laying around, are you okay girl?"  
Jo is about to snap at him for calling her girl before she realizes he's talking to Kira, there's a bark as a reply so she can't be too badly hurt.

It takes half an hour for the three of them to build a pile of the hellhound and some wood, they place the dead girl on top of it, she looks like she's floating in the air, dark bloodstained hair flowing around her and for a moment Jo thinks of her as Ruby again before she remembers, what made this person Ruby was just the spirit inside., now it's just a dead body, any trace of her friend gone..

Then she remembers what the dying demon told her and starts looking through the corpses' pockets, in the right jacket pocket she finds a letter, it's several pages, and here and there she can see neat writing but overall it's unreadable, it's soaked in blood.

Whatever was on these pages it's a secret Ruby is taking to her grave, it almost makes Jo cry again, but she doesn't, she just throws it into the fire as it rises up to devour a young nameless woman who could have had a much longer life and the memory of a demon who could had had eternity.


	26. In which there is rain

Dean is sitting at a park bench with a bottle of Jack Daniel's', there's not much left of it but he's not feeling drunk at all, it must be this demon thing, he hates it. His right arm is stinging from a few stitches, one of his ribs is cracked and he got scrapes, bites and scratches all over but everything is healing fast, half of it has already faded.

Jo was the worst of course, when they got back to the motel they even though about driving her to the hospital, but she refused and insisted she was fine, it was one of the three sentences she used for the rest of the evening. Sam and Kira had also taken a beating but they are more or less fine now, Kira is lying by his side on the bench, she looks like she's sleeping, but Dean knows better.

He's not sad for Ruby, not really, he doesn't know if he could be if he tried but somewhere he is a little sad for Jo, and maybe, just maybe, he is a little sad for them both, for something they will never get, he did see that kiss.

Maybe it's for the best, it would never have worked out anyway, a demon and a human,  _Ruby_  and anyone. Yeah, it's probably for the best. But it doesn't feel like that, it just sucks.

Sam could have died, he gets a strange feeling in his stomach when he thinks about it, and it's not a good one, it's the kind that would make him want to throw up if he wasn't so used to it, he's been used to that feeling since he was a kid.

And there's going to be more of it, and it's probably going to be worse than ever. God, he wishes he could just get drunk.

Cass… All of this somehow comes down to Cass, why can't he just answer? Dean has gone between being worried and being so mad he could kill the guy more times than he can count the last couple of days.

"What do you think girl? If I get five more of these it should work, right?"  
Kira just opens one eye and gives him and his bottle a strange look before closing it again.

"You promised I would get my piece of Alistair, you know? I only backed down because you said I would."  
He stops, it feels silly, talking out to the silence, he's been doing that now and then, sometimes it's been "Hey man, where are you, could use your help, drop in sometime " and other times it's been "You son of a bitch, you said you would check in, should have known there's no trusting you bastards."

Of course it's mostly that he thought the damned angel cared, and somehow it feels really bad to find out that he doesn't. He drinks deep from the bottle.  
Suddenly there's something strange in the air.

"You backed down because it was the right thing to do."  
It's not really a surprise since he felt the angel coming but it's still a shock that he's there at all. Kira of course yelps and jumps up, teeth bared, then, after recognizing Cass she lays down again with a resigned look.

"Good time to drop in now is it? When you're not needed anymore?"  
"I have had things to do, and I have been forced to reconsider some things. I have arrived at some conclusions."

"Oh, really? Good for you. You know we lost Ruby, and since that damned he witch ran away we don't have any magic cards to play. Sam could have died, just because you had some thinking to do, well that's awesome."

"The possibility to simply wait was of course not an option."  
Dean blinks, sarcasm? From Cass, really? Then he really looks at the angel, Cass looks angry and even colder than usual, and it makes Dean mad, this guy has no right to be angry, not when Dean feels like ripping his guts out.

He grabs Cass' coat but can't decide where to go from there, maybe he should hit him? He settles for shacking him violently.

"It would have been if you had kept your promise and told us what you got out of Alistair, bet he didn't tell you anything and you're just here because you have given up and need my help."  
Cass just stares at him with those blue eyes, and that cold glare reminds Dean that this creature can kill him in a second. He takes his hands off the angel and takes a step back.

"Alistair did tell us some things but nothing of importance, until he told me something about you."  
I make Dean's blood run cold, in his mind he's replaying all the secrets he's ever had, they are way too many.

"It's not like there's anything you don't already know", he says, but it's mostly to himself.  
"You made a deal with Meg to get out, she didn't offer you some kind of escape route, she offered you a deal, and you took it."

Dean nearly bites his lip in an 'oh this is bad' way.  
"And you believed Alistair?"

It's a cheap card, and it'll never work, he knows it before he even plays it, but he doesn't know what else to say, there is just a blank page where there should be some kind of excuse, or a witty remark.

Cass opens his mouth as to answer but then he closes it again and just looks at Dean, as if he is trying to read the whole story in his eyes, the demon can feel the grace inside him moving in an unfamiliar way, a searching way. He is close to tell the angel to stop and just drop it and talk like normal people, but most of his attention is captured by those blue piercing eyes.

Finally he breaks eye contact, he just feels broken, tired and even more miserable than before Cass showed up, he sits down on the bench and takes a deep swig of the bottle but there is no comfort in it, is there ever an end to this  _pain_? How many times he has thought that, more than he can count, and not all of them in hell.

"What was I supposed to do Cass? I thought the angels where there to get me, in a bad way I mean, and she offered me a chance to get out, and back to Sam, how could I ever say no to that? I was already a damned demon, it's not like I was giving up my humanity in the blink of an eye. The price was even perfect, protect Sam. So they want him alive for their reasons, what's the difference? It's what I would have done anyway."

He realizes he's trying to convince himself as much as Cass of all of these things. The angel slowly sits down on the bench next to him.

"Meg wants Sam alive because he is important to Lucifer, I am not aware of the details, and because he has the potential to become very powerful."

Dean doesn't know what he expected, maybe screaming, but since it's Cass that seems unlikely, but something… judgmental. Instead there is this, trying to explain… something, the only thing he knows probably. The angel is still cold, distant, but he's trying to do something, understand maybe. Dean doesn't know if it's better or worse, but it makes him ask that question.

"I am just protecting Sammy because of the deal?" he whispers, it's low, but way too audible in the silent night. It feels a little good but mostly just horrific to have it out there. Cass watches him with an unreadable expression as the silence drags out longer and longer until Dean can't stand it, he never was much for these talking-without-words-conversations, they are for chicks.

"Come on, just tell me, isn't that why you were mad, because you were wrong about me, because I'm just like every other demon on the planet?"

Now there's no mistaking the angel's expression, he looks confused, followed by understanding.

"I wasn't wrong about you Dean, and there is no demon like you. No, you couldn't leave Sam even if you wanted to, but you would never want to, you would be at his side even if circumstances where different. You try to save the world, you convinced me to save a hellhound, even when you will not admit it you are here right now, grieving a demon, it's not just Sam you care about and you care about more than his safety, you care about his well-being  I have said it before Dean and I was not wrong, you  _do_ care, the very fact that you are worried about it proves it."

There is a silence as Dean lets this sink in, can it actually be that simple? He's a demon, he's broken and violent in a way he never was in life, he's not supposed to care, and now this angel has proven that he does, Dean could kiss him for it, no seriously, he could.

"I was not angry because I thought I was wrong Dean, I never doubted a second that you are capable of caring, maybe even of love." Cass's voice is lower now, like he's uncertain of what to say.  
"I never thought it was strange for you to accept such a deal either, rash perhaps, but understandable, I am not angry, I am simply… sad, that you choose not to tell me this."

Dean stares at the angel and then he sees it, it is not anger and coldness in Cass' eyes, it is hurt. How could he miss that? How could he miss the feeling of betrayal the grace inside him is humming with.

"I'm sorry", he says. God, when did he turn into such a sissy, but it's all he can do not to cry, it's relief he thinks, that there's someone who cares, that he still has Cass, that there is no need to worry about himself anymore, that he still has a heart, even if it's a demon heart.

But there's also the tears of what is to come he has to hold back, fear for Sam and fear for the world, and the weight of the responsibility on his shoulders. Sorrow for Jo and Ruby, and sorrow for Sam, for everything he has gone through and will be going through. This is why he was drinking in the first place, why couldn't it work?

Cass must have felt what is happening cause suddenly the grace in him begins that soothing movement it does when he's upset and then there's an arm around his shoulders. Both things feel completely natural and before he knows it he drags Cass into a hug.

The angel holds him a little awkward but the way his grace holds the demon's soul isn't awkward at all. It's warm, comforting and moving, a web of singing light.

"What do I do now?" Dean whispers into a very familiar trench coat and feels a heavy drop on his shoulder, rain, he should have known there would be rain.  
"Tell Sam, I think that would be good."  
Dean simply nods and they sit like that for a long moment, Dean couldn't say how much time exactly but it feels like a long time, it could be just a few seconds though.

When they finally pull apart Cass' trench coat is wet, but it's probably just the rain, the same goes for the thin wet lines on Dean's cheek, yeah, definitely just the rain.


	27. In which the truth gets out

Castiel knows that something is wrong the moment he enters the cave, and it is not just because of the empty devil's trap. There is no one there, but he still feels watched as he walks towards the circle in the floor, but when he gets there he can't see where it's been broken, if it's been broken at all.

Castiel stands beside the red paint and scans the darkened cave. He tries to figure out where Alistair could have gone, and where Uriel is, he should be back by now. Then he feels the other angel approaching.

Uriel appears right next to him but he doesn't look surprised when seeing the empty devil's trap, and he stays silent. This is another definite sign that something is wrong, Uriel always talks a lot, Castiel has listened to it for hundreds of years, this silence feels... dangerous.

"Where is Alistair?" Castiel asks, but now he knows what happened.  
"Michael killed him."

Castiel nods, one less problem, but he also knows that this is not it.  
"I did wonder what was different with Dean, and I wondered about how you have been acting, and then I wondered about how much time you spent with that demon when he wasn't your mission."

Castiel freezes, and he finds himself unable to think of anything to say, he can just listen as Uriel is getting closer to some kind of point.

"So he came to me", Raphael's voice says from the cave opening, and Castiel feels even more cornered even though no one has made any move against him, angels shouldn't be able to sneak up on him, of course Raphael is different, but it is still unsettling.

"Imagine my surprise when I took a closer look at the demon and saw he carried an angel's grace, it was not that hard to figure out which angel it belonged to. You can see why I decided to follow you."

" _Then_  imagine our surprise when we found you in the arms of that abomination."  
Uriel's voice is trembling with barely contained rage.

Castiel's mind is working a speed he didn't knew it possessed. He always makes sure there is no angel in the area when he goes to Dean, but just now, a few hours ago he was upset, he could have missed them, especially if they were concealed by an archangel. It doesn't make it better, he feels exposed, they have no right to spy on him, or to spy on Dean, especially in such an emotional moment.

He lets his mind wander a second, back to black eyes staring into his and Dean's rain wet hair against his cheek, and he feels anger boiling up inside him, Raphael had no right to see, or hear, that.

"It was none of your concern", he says even as he tries to keep the defiance in his voice at bay.  
"You mixed your grace with his soul", Raphael says dangerously low.

"It was to heal him."  
He wishes they would shout and scream at him, he remembers thinking Dean was too loud but now he thinks these low poisonous voices are a lot more frightening.  
"And you used your soul to do it", Uriel says and suddenly there is no fear left in Castiel, just a terrifying calm.

"I have no soul, it's just grace, energy, he does though, and I gave him that energy trying to save it."  
"He's a demon."  
"And he's worth saving."

There is a long silence after that. Finally Raphael sights and steps closer.  
"You'll be taken of the Winchester case and you will return to heaven, where you will answer our questions and be kept under surveillance until we figure out what to do with you."

There is another pause and when he speaks again his voice is softer.  
"He sold his soul, little brother, it's black and torn and beyond all saving, don't do anything you'll regret."

No, he will not do anything he'll regret. Castiel realizes he is unable to fight an archangel, especially with backup, but he doesn't hesitate, he will not go quietly, he will not put himself through their interrogations and he will not leave Dean alone.

He wonders when he made all these decisions? How long has he been ready to defy a direct order? How long has he been ready to protect Dean even facing these consequences? He decides it's of little importance, now is the only time that matters, and he makes his move.

As hopeless as it seems, this is his only chance, if they get him all the way to heaven he will never be able to escape. He takes aim as if to fly and Raphael strikes out, as he knew he would, in time to stop him.

Castiel is already on his way in another direction when the archangel realizes it's a feint, but he is not fast enough, he feels a blade in his side before he lands in a park where it's still raining, but there is no demon on the bench.

First he panics, this is an unwise choice of destination, Raphael knows he was here just a couple of hours ago, but it feels safe here. He is on his knees, a hand heavily pressed against the wound in his side, just below the ribs, and then he realizes how his brothers and sisters are dying, angel blades. The angels are carrying weapons that can kill their own kind.

He shakes his head and tries to focus, tries not to think about that this could be a mortal wound. He has to warn Dean, and then he has to leave this place, go somewhere else where they won't find him, where he won't lead them to the Winchesters.

He tries to fly to the motel room he knows Dean is in, it is not far but as soon as he tries he realizes he'll never make it, he could crash anywhere. He forces himself up on his feet and starts to walk, slowly and one step at the time. The walk that under other circumstances would take five minutes takes nearly half an hour. Finally there he just collapses outside Dean's window, he hears a hellhound bark inside. He just has time to paint a protecting sigil on the wall to hide them from Raphael before he passes out.

* * *

When Dean gets back to the motel room he's soaked through by the rain. Sam is lying on the bed with a book and Dean wonders if he should just tell him everything now, but he decides he needs a warm shower first.

He stands under the hot water and goes through everything that has happened, he can't really believe everything, how did he ever get himself into this mess?

"How's Jo?" he asks as he gets dressed again.  
"Quiet, she hasn't said anything more since you left."  
"Well she was… close with Ruby, she'll get over it."

"How about you, you okay?"  
That's his baby brother, always worrying about him.

"Yeah, sure I am, why wouldn't I be, demon healing and everything, you took a beating though. "  
"That's not what I mean."  
Typical Sam.

"I talked to Cass", he says before he can change his mind.  
"You seem to do that a lot."

"Well, yeah, this time was sort of different, he brought up something I really should have told you about."

And then he tells him about the deal, it doesn't take long because Sam already knows everything else, it's just a few sentences to fill in this little blank, and even so it takes forever since he can't seem to figure out how to put it.

When he's finished Sam looks sad, but Dean can't say what he's thinking, if he's hurt or angry behind that face, it worries him, Sam is usually so easy to read.

"And Cass knew about this?"  
"He just found out."  
"What did he say?"

This conversation is even more unsettling, the way it avoids what Sam really thinks about it.  
"He gave me angry glares for not telling him and said you should know."  
"So you're just telling me because he said you should?"

"No, more like because he didn't kill me so I figured maybe you wouldn't either." He dares to throw in a smile, Sam doesn't smile back.

"And Ruby?"  
"She blackmailed me with it, well, not really but…"  
"But she knew." It's not a question so Dean just shrugs.

"I bet Jo knows too."  
"She doesn't, unless Ruby told her…"  
"How could you not tell me this? Don't you get it? You can't just carry this stuff around all by yourself, or with Cass or whatever."

"I didn't tell Cass, Alistair did."  
"Forget Cass, that wasn't what I-"  
"Wait a minute, you mean you're mad because this is somehow bad for me and not because I made a deal with our sort of archenemy?"

"Let's not forget how you never stop lying to me about important stuff, you never tell me anything Dean. If I hadn't figured it out you would have gone to hell and I wouldn't even know what was happening."

There is a pause as Dean tries to think of the right thing to say, he can't think of anything good enough.

"I'm sorry Sammy."  
"Just promise you'll stop it, that the next time something I should know pops up, you'll tell me."

He never could have made a promise like this in the past, not meant it anyway, now things are different though, he cares about Sam, he knows that now but now he thinks he can handle this sort of stuff, his little brother with the demon powers has proven that over and over again. In fact he has almost always handled it better than Dean.

"I promise."  
They hold each other's gaze for a moment, some sort of mental hug probably, there's been far too many hugs lately.

Then there is a bark from Kira, she's standing by the window looking between it and Dean, then she jumps up and places her paws at the windowsill and tries to look out. Dean feels torn between relief because the tension of the situation is suddenly gone and annoyance because that deep emotional look in Sam's eyes has faded. It's an unfamiliar feeling.

"What does she want?" Sam says and looks in the general direction of Kira and the window. "Tell her it's too rainy to take a walk."  
"There's something out there", Dean says as he slowly moves towards the window, he picks up the colt as he goes.

But when he throws the window open he doesn't see any threat, he stares into the darkness and rain outside but doesn't see anything at all, then there is a low sound from somewhere below him, he looks down and is, needless to say, quite surprised.

They get Cass in through the window, since they don't want to drag him through the motel and raise all sorts of questions, and there would be questions, because the open wound in Cass' side is shining with a bright light.

They place Cass on one of the beds and tries to clean and dress the wound as good as they can, but since they never treated an angel who is bleeding grace before they can't tell if it helps or not.

It's a couple of hours later and Cass seems to have fallen asleep when he suddenly speaks.  
"Dean?"  
"Yeah, I'm here, you okay? Something you need, some weird healing mojo or something?"  
"You are… not safe here… Raphael… "  
Then he loses consciousness again.

"Should we move? He's obliviously running from something", Sam says.  
"I'm not saying you're wrong, but look at him, we can't move him like this, and we must be protected somehow, or whatever is after him would probably already be here."

"Guess so, but if he's not better in the morning we're going anyway, we have a job to do."  
Dean just nods and wonders when his little brother so clearly became the boss.

He doesn't sleep that night, someone has to stay up and keep guard, he doesn't need to sleep and besides he doesn't have a bed to do so in, it's not like it has anything to do with Cass. He convinces Sam to go to bed though, he'll need his strength if they are going to be on the run now.

He sits in one of the armchairs next to the bed with Kira trying to find a comfortable position over his feet. He passes the time by playing with his demon powers, he's making the flash-light (which is of course switched off) fly in slow circles around the room.

Every now and then Cass moves, and Dean freezes every time, but the angel never wakes up. He hopes he's going to be okay, he really does. This guy, even though he's been a dick now and then, has helped them so much, he doesn't deserve to… what? Die? Can angels die?

It's almost dawn, actually he can see a little light outside, when Cass wakes up.  
"Dean? We are still here."  
It takes Dean a moment to get what he's talking about.  
"Yeah, we didn't want to move you, you look pretty banged up, what happened?"

"Raphael found out I have been working with you and decided that he didn't like it."  
"Another angel did this to you?"  
"Yes, an archangel. I hid us from them but he is very powerful and will find us eventually. I doubt they will harm your brother but I'm not sure, you and me will be taken under surveillance, you will not be able to protect him and I will not be able to protect you."

"You want to protect me?"  
The second Dean asks it he wishes he had just kept his mouth shut but he can't help but listening very closely to the answer anyway.

"Stopping Lilith and prevent Lucifer's return is my prime objective, but yes, if you would not survive that I would be… sad. Therefore I will do my best to keep you alive."

"I'd rather have you alive than dead too", Dean replies and he tries to put a light tone to it, he's too tired and it just sounds way too sincere.  
"Well, we'll better get going then, I'll wake Sam."


	28. In which there is a trio from hell

They've been on the road for hours and the car is all too silent, Jo hasn't said anything at all since an "okay" when Sam said they'd be leaving. Somehow Dean and Cass has ended up in the back seat but they are not saying much either.

He would have thought they would be talking strategy, planning, but Cass seems to be sleeping, still weak from the wound no doubt and Dean is just staring at the angel, then staring out the window and then back at the angel.

Suddenly Sam gets it, of course they are busy thinking about other stuff, but that is not the only reason they don't care to argue about Crowley or magic rituals, they don't care how they do anything as long as they do something. And so they expect him to come up with a plan.

"We're talking to Crowley, set up a plan to lure Lilith out, or find her", he says to test his theory.  
"Okay", says Jo and then keep staring at the road and mindlessly playing with her small knife.

"Sure, I guess we're all out of other options", he hears Dean saying from the back seat.  
"We'll just keep driving for a while first."  
"Yeah, sounds good."

It makes him a little uneasy, the lack of arguing, apparently Dean has no problem working with demons anymore but there should still be something, a hole in his plan, arguing just for the sake of arguing. No one has for example brought up that Crowley seemed very unhelpful last time they talked to him.

Sam really has no idea what he could do to lure Lilith out, they've done all kinds of stuff, it's not like they've never drawn attention to themselves, so what is necessary to get the queen of hell to pay him a personal visit?

Then Jo finally says something.  
"What do we do with Lilith when we find her? She'll bring backup."

No one answers and Sam spends the rest of the silent drive to think of one.

* * *

Cass seems better when they finally checks into a hotel, but Dean wouldn't want him in a fight just yet, he still looks pretty tired and weak, but at least he doesn't seem to be dropping dead anytime soon.

When they have gotten up all the protection Dean finally allows himself to relax, to think. He agrees that the only plan is to go after Lilith, one last fight and then don't have to worry about the devil anymore. It's just that they will never be able to beat Lilith, she's clever and she's strong and she's followed by an army, he doesn't bring this up to anyone because there is nothing they can do about it.

And so the research begins, Sam is tapping at his laptop with his usual determination and Jo is working in a silent furious way that says she'd rather have it over with and just get to the killing part. Dean gives up in about an hour, it's not that he doesn't have the patience, it's more that he knows they won't find anything, they've checked up Lilith before, nothing useful. Sam has even called Bobby, nothing there either.

Bobby… he wonders if Bobby knows he's alive, or as close to alive as a demon is anyway, he probably doesn't. Sam wouldn't have told him, too many questions, and they haven't met any other hunters, well, except Jo. He wonders if she will break, wonder if she will ever get back to the way she was. He wonders if he will ever actually see Bobby again, and how he would explain things. He wonders how things will be when all this is over.

A little voice whispers that it will never be over, not for him, if there ever was a chance it is gone now, he can never have any kind of normal. There will always be hunting and blood and danger. It doesn't bother him as much as it should but it makes him a little nostalgic, like a memory of a time when it still was an option.

It could all be over so very soon now, he wonders how many of the persons in this room will be dead, probably all of them. Maybe not Cass, or maybe him too, he seems to have lost his advantage.

Thinking of Cass  
"How are you feeling?"  
"It's almost healed, but I still feel powerless."  
He's sitting on one of the beds with a very tired expression.

"Maybe we should wait with this whole plan until you've gotten all the juice back, you could be good in a pinch."

"I am sorry for putting you in danger."  
"Not your fault, at least we got a warning, and I'm used to danger."  
Why is he saying that? Why is he just trying to make him feel better for no reason at all?  
The angel tilts his head a little and watches Dean with that searching look.

"Then I am sorry for putting  _him_  in danger."  
Dean doesn't need the slight nod in Sam's direction to know who he's talking about. But he can forgive that too, in a heartbeat, because this is Cass and somehow he just keeps forgiving him. He blames it on the angel grace running through his soul. He smiles, just a little sad smile.  
 _Apology accepted_. And Cass understands him, just like that.

Then he is pulled from the world of blue eyes by Kira's growling. He looks over at her and sees her sniffing in the air and then he feels it, one look at Cass tells him he has felt it too.

"There's demons here!" he calls out and reaches for a shotgun with his powers, Sam has the colt and Jo's carrying the knife, looks like he has to rely on his rather undependable demonic powers, and on Kira of course. He just wishes he could rely on Cass too, but the angel seems to have trouble just standing up so that doesn't seem like something he should be counting on.

"Where?"  
"Somewhere… that way", Dean says and waves a hand in the general direction in which Kira is staring and he himself feels a wage sense of the demons. He curses himself for getting so relaxed, it's probably Ruby's fault, hanging around another demon has made him ignore that little tingling sensation, well, maybe it's Cass' fault as well since he's the one who's causing most of the weird sensations with that grace of his. Dean chooses to ignore that part as he proceeds in making up a plan with the others.

"Can you fight?" Sam asks looking at Cass who now seems to have regained his balance.  
"I will do my best."  
"The guy can barely stand, count him out."  
"I can help, Dean."

"Yeah? Through me across the room, blast something with that angel mojo of yours."  
"I can fight, but I am not wasting my powers on proving a point."  
When did he move in so close? What is it with this guy and standing just inches away?

"Just stay here, it's not far and you'll notice if we need you, right?"  
"I'll notice if _you_  need me."  
Well, that sounds like a completely normal thing to say…

"Right… that's what I meant, and I'll notice if anyone else needs you. Stay here and be the backup."  
Cass looks like he's about to say something but Sam beats him to it.  
"Dean's right, there's no need to take any unnecessary risks."  
And that, of course, decides it.

Sam and Jo is already out of the door when he casts one last look at Cass, it feels uncomfortable to leave him alone when he probably can't protect himself, but Sam is priority one so he just meets those blue eyes and hopes that Cass knows what he's thinking.

Then he follows the others out. He lets Kira lead the way, they don't even get out of the hotel, Kira just comes to a stop outside one of the doors.  
"There goes the plan and the element of surprise, they know we're here by now", Dean says as he prepares to kick down the door.

"Of course it was a hell of a coincidence that they were here to begin with, they probably knew where we were long before you even noticed them."  
He has to agree with Jo on that one. He doesn't agree with Sam when he stops him from kicking in the door.

"Why the hell not?"  
"We don't want the whole hotel of innocent people to come running."

So they pick the lock, or they attempts to, Dean is just about to get it open when it opens from the inside.

"Hello boys!"  
A young chick with dyed, short red hair is standing at the threshold looking potentially evil.  
"Oh, and you", she adds with a look at Jo.

"Welcome in!"  
It is not the behavior they have expected but it doesn't really chance anything. Jo throws herself at the chick in the doorway while Sam takes aim at someone they can see behind her.

"Stop or I'll cut his throat!" a voice calls from inside the room. Dean pushes the demon out of the way and finally gets a grip of the situation in the room. There are three demons in all, the redhead, a boy who looks like he's about fourteen, but with an evil smile that no normal teenager would ever have on their face, and over by the window there's a woman in a suit with neatly braided hair.

The last one is holding a big nasty-looking knife to the exposed throat of someone sitting on a chair in front of her. It takes Dean quite a few seconds to recognize Morgan, he has a new haircut and is dressed like he's heading to the gym. Probably some disguise.

"Let them kill the he-witch, it's not like he's our loyal friend or anything."  
Sam gives him a dangerous glare as he and Jo steps into the room and closes the door behind them, still with weapons ready.

Dean rolls his eyes in an 'Dude, I'm not serious' way, but the truth is he's not completely sure, it's probably best if Morgan lives though.

"I'm with Dean, let them kill him if they want to", Jo says and he can't tell if she's serious either, he hopes not, it would somehow be sad if she is getting as screwed up as he is.

You could probably cut the tension in the quite crowded room with a knife, Dean focuses on keeping himself totally calm, he doesn't want Cass coming running right now, could make all hell break loose. A part of him wants that to happen of course, always want that to happen, but it's not big enough, it will never be bigger than the part that will always keep Sam as safe as possible no matter what.

"We just wanna talk", says the redheaded demon.  
"So let him go and we'll talk", Sam says and nods in Morgan's direction.  
"We need insurance that you'll hear us out."  
"Hey, guys, I'm sorry", Morgan starts but is cut off by increased pressure of the big knife against his throat.

"So talk, did Lilith send you?" Sam is of course taking the lead in the negotiations.  
"We're here on our own."  
"Really, why?"

"I'm a friend of Ruby's."  
"No you're not", Jo says in a dangerous tune that leaves no room for discussion, at least according to Dean.

"And how would you know?"  
"She didn't have friends."  
"She told you that?"  
"Yes, actually."

"Ok, so maybe I didn't know her that well, but I want the same thing she wanted."  
"Yeah, you know the funny part is that no one ever actually knew what Ruby wanted, it was all peace on earth and fluffy puppies and whatever, but it wasn't all that clear on how to get there", Dean says, slowly easing farther into the room.

"Of course she was, everyone is clear on that. Sam. Simple as that, if Sam just takes his place as antichrist or whatever people want to call him, he can take control of hell."

"And do what exactly?" Sam asks, he does look a little nauseous at the thought.  
"Well, you were meant to free Lucifer, but once you're in charge you can do whatever you like, and I don't think that's what you'd do, if we wanted a war we would be following Lilith and not you."

"Demons who don't want war, now that's a plot twist."  
Dean's standing really close to her now, close enough to reach out and break her neck at the first sign of trouble, shame it won't help much.

"You don't want war, Ruby didn't want war. People die in wars, demons too, actually dies sounds so passive, get sacrificed is probably closer to the truth."

"Well, look at that Sammy, you're getting the cowardly part of hell and Lilith's getting the fanatic religious and bloodthirsty part. I think your chances are pretty good."

"I would say it takes plenty of courage to join the losing team", says the boy demon, and his voice, even though it evidently belongs to a child sounds so much like Alistair it sends chills down Dean's spine. Pure sadistic evil, laced with humor.

"How did you know we were here?" Jo asks spinning the knife over her fingers with a threatening smile.  
"We've been tracking you since we caught this witch of yours", the redhead says indicating Morgan.  
"We're protected, you shouldn't have been able to do that", Sam says and Dean assumes he's referring to whatever magic Ruby put up, well, big surprise that failed.

"Hex bags and spells don't help against the old fashioned way, you know actual tracking, and we happen to be very good at it."  
"So you just followed us?"

"We know what you look like, what bad rock aliases you use and in case you haven't noticed your car is sort of inconspicuous."  
"Smart-ass."

"Actually my name is Rose", the red-head says and makes a gesture to the colt that Sam's still aiming at her head, "you think you can put that away so we can talk like civilized people?"  
"You're not people", Sam says, not giving an inch.  
"Look who's talking."

Of course his little brother looks hurt at that, but he lowers the gun. It's true, Dean catches himself thinking, even he can feel it these days, the smell of Sam's soul isn't quite human anymore. He's been using that physic demon thing way too much to be all human, if he ever was.

"So you just wanna help us kill Lilith? Why would we want you on our team?"  
"Assassination is, you could say, our profession, and we are really good at what we do. You could definitively use the extra fire power", the woman in the suit with the knife to Morgan's throat says, and Dean forgets that he ever thought the kid was creepy, this one is scary enough to give the Azazel a run for his money. He gets a feeling she's the real leader and that Rose just does the talking.

"Let him go and we'll talk."  
"How do we know you won't just shoot us?"  
"I guess you'll just have to take your chances."

While Sam and Rose are negotiating Dean and Jo share a look, a silent agreement to just attack, but right as Dean is about to fire his shotgun the other demon just removes her knife from Morgan's throat, pulls him up from the chair and pushes him, not very gently, in Jo's direction. The witch lands in a heap on the floor, hands still tied together. Jo reaches down to help him up but he's already on his way to his feet, muttering something under his breath to make the ropes fall off.

"Hey, you couldn't have done that before?" Dean says, not even trying to keep the accusing tune out of his voice.  
"Yes, and then I could have fought three powerful demons without any proper spell material, who do you think I am? Merlin?"  
"Very funny."

"Dean I think you can put the gun down."  
Dean doesn't think that is a good idea at all, seeing as he's the only one in the room who is still aiming a weapon at these suckers, but of course he lowers the shotgun anyway, god what happened to those good old days when he trusted his own judgment better than Sammy's?

"What the hell are you?" Rose suddenly says, and she's looking at something behind Dean, actually all the demons are staring at something over his shoulder and Dean realizes what or rather who they are looking at a second later, and then he curses himself for not noticing the door opening. He's getting rusty.

"Why", says Cass as he walks into the room, "are these sisters not dead yet?"


	29. In which Morgan has actual lines

"Sisters?" Dean asks while Jo is more inclined to think this situation is rapidly going downhill, she wonders how many demons Castiel can handle and how their potential new teammates will think about the angel on their side.

"They are the sisters behind the legend of the Morrigan."  
"The Morrigan? As in the Irish goddess?" Sam asks.  
"The very same, Babd, Macha and Nemain. These three have long been working with hellhounds to collect souls and other assets for rewards for centuries, and starting countless wars in the process, last seen in the dark ages."

"The Morrigan was a long time ago, we're the flower sisters now", Rose says, "Lily", she nods to the woman, "Rose, and May."  
At the last name she gestures to the boy and Jo wonders what kind of irony drove them to name themselves after flowers and springtime.

"May? Cross-dressing much?" Dean says but Sam seems to think there's more important issues than the sister turned brother.  
"So they are mercenaries?" he asks the angel.

"I said assassins", Lily reminds him.  
"They think they can help us take down Lilith", Jo offers because she thinks Cass' original question deserves an answer. "and he's an angel", she ads for the benefit of the demons.

Starting a fight will make everything else take forever, and Jo doesn't have forever, she needs Lilith's head on a plate, now. She doesn't really care how she gets it, all she knows is that everything between now and then feels like dragged out eternity and she'd rather it passed as smoothly as possible. And so she tries to make everyone friends. It doesn't work very well.

"Are you suggesting we work with these creatures? They have killed thousands of innocent humans", Cass says but Jo can't help but feel it's merely an observation then an actual protest.

Silence fills the room for a moment when no one wants to be the one to say it doesn't matter, but someone has to eventually, and in this case it's Morgan.

"Well, we have all done our fair shares of wrongs in the past."  
Jo nearly laughs, she remembers Morgan's house filled with dead things in jars, bones and blood for spells and a two headed dog of death, the black witch is probably not in any position to be the one to judge, which is why he doesn't , she guesses. But she doesn't laugh of course, it feels like she'll never laugh again, she doesn't even let an amused smile cross her lips, there's no point in that.

"There's a difference between wrongs and wrongs but he does have a point", she just says.  
"Can we all just agree we want to kill Lilith and that the best way is to work together? When the bitch is dead we can get right back to killing each other", Rose says and Jo would almost start to suspect that this was some kind of personal revenge for the sisters, if she cared about that sort of thing.

"You realize we have a gun that can kill anything, why would we need you?" Sam asks.  
"If you didn't need us she'd already be dead, how are you going to find her? How are you going to get close enough to kill her? She's the most powerful demon alive."

"Talk", Sam says, and that, of course, settles it.

* * *

Castiel feels much more at ease with the new addition to the group than he would have thought. They are despicable, nothing like Dean, but he can understand why they need them. They are very powerful and can definitively be an asset.

At least that's what he thinks until they insists that Sam must be the one to kill Lilith.  
"We are nowhere near strong enough to do that" Lily says and her sisters nods in agreement.  
"You realize my powers are like the weakest in this room, counting out Jo and Dean."  
Both Jo and Dean make faces at this but none of them say anything, probably because of their belief in the accuracy the statement.

"That's not necessarily true Sam", he says. "Your powers are still growing but you have the potential to be more powerful than everything in this room combined."

Sam winches a little at that but the sisters and the witch nods in unison.  
"It's true", Morgan says, "with more practice you should have all the powers of a demon but none of their limits because you would still essentially be human. I guess there are beings you couldn't match, like really powerful angels, or the devil, but you would be close to invincible, in theory of course."

"But I'm not that strong now, so what do we do? We can't just wait for me to be strong enough to kill her."  
"It should take time for her to break all the seals, we can focus on stopping that at the moment, but you should be able to grow stronger pretty fast", says Rose and she doesn't seem too worried. "We'll help you train, there are shortcuts to increasing power, spells and stuff."

Castiel knows these "shortcuts" are dangerous of course, there is a reason powers develop slowly, then you are able to control them, real powers in the hands of inexperienced beings have more than once led to disaster, but he doesn't mention it, because they have no other way. He hopes Sam will be able to handle it.

"So let's get to the training part", Jo says and no one argues.  
"Sounds good now if you could give me and Sam some space to actually practice anything", Rose says and gestures to the door. Jo and Morgan starts moving out, the witch complaining about his injuries and asking for medical attention, no one listens to him.

It's quickly getting oblivious that Dean won't leave.  
"What?" Rose says and her tone suggests she's very annoyed.  
"You don't really think I'm going to leave my brother alone with three assassination demons, do you?"

Castiel wonders if Dean is actually physically capable of leaving as long as he thinks Sam is in danger.  
"Fine, just stay out of the way", Rose says and rises an eyebrow in Castiel's direction, Dean notices of course.

"Cass, you can leave, go check on Jo or something."  
Jo, of course, doesn't need any check up, but Castiel knows what Dean is trying to say, It's the same thing he tried to say when he didn't want him to fight the demons to begin with. He is worried about him.

It would be nice to rest, he's feeling tired and the wound still hurts but he's unwilling to leave Dean with three very powerful demons. Dean seems to sense his hesitation.

"Hey, you'll know if I'm in trouble, then you can come running."  
Castiel nods and tries to fly for the first time since the injury, it goes relatively well, he ends up in the hotel room where Jo and Morgan just arrived. They both flinch at his sudden appearance but more than that they just ignore him while Jo starts to go through the bags in search of medical equipment.

"Can't you just cast a spell to make it all better?" she asks as Morgan.  
"Magic isn't just snapping your fingers or chant a few words, you need curtain object, well, most people do anyway", he says with a glance at Castiel. "And I haven't eaten in two days, I can't remember the last time I slept, so no, I'm not fit to cast a healing spell, and to be honest, it isn't really my area."

"They didn't let you sleep? Why?" Jo asks but she doesn't really seem upset by the idea or particularly interested in the answer.  
"For that very reason I would imagine, to keep my powers to a minimum I mean."

Jo nods and starts to clean one of his wounds with alcohol, Morgan gives a loud whimper.  
"You're such a wuss", Jo says as she continues with the treatment and Morgan stills immediately.

"I'm really not", he says and catches Jo's eye, his voice somehow different. "I'm 804 years old and I'm a very powerful witch. I've cast spells so dark and dangerous that the chance of surviving them was close to zero, I've controlled powerful demons, I've killed kings and fought gods."

Jo stares at him but Castiel doesn't thinks she's afraid, she doesn't seem to get afraid anymore. Then the witch smiles and relaxes a little bit and when he talks again his voice is back to a much easier tone.

"I just know how to pick my battles and not put my life on the line if I don't have to… and I don't want people to be afraid of me, it's tedious work to get friends that way. And it's good to have people to underestimate you."

"So you could just have escaped?"  
"No, I really couldn't."

They continue talking but Castiel's mind is wandering off as he slowly lies down on the bed, he could almost get used to this "rest" thing. He takes a moment to pounder on the nature of this group he is working with. There are three powerful untrustworthy demon sisters, there is Jo, she's cold and full of anger. There is Sam of course, always trying to do the right thing, but using dangerous powers, about to sacrifice what could be his humanity to win the fight, and now there is the witch with the two faces, a dark glint in his eyes.

Then there is Dean, the demon who cares, genuinely cares, the demon with the beautiful darkness that Castiel can't stop looking at, and for him he stays with them, will stay with them, because for some reason he can't imagine leaving Dean behind, and where would he go?

He's the last member, the one who doesn't fit in, the angel. Or maybe he does fit in, hunted by his own, as close to falling he can get without actually falling. He doesn't know, and it is unsettling, because then how will he know that he is changing Dean for the better, and it isn't Dean changing him for the worse?

* * *

 

Reviews? Come on people, tell me what you think, pretty please?


End file.
